I am a 30 y/o man with Asperger's Syndrome, in a very difficult situation. What should I or can I do?

Question

I am a 30 year old man, living in Tallahassee, FL, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome about two years ago. Until then I was told I had ADD. I am currently living with my brother, my sister-in-law, and my nephew. I am also currently on disability and contribute what I can, but my checks are for some reason being cut. I am also currently in a long distance relationship, and my family has made it abundantly clear that they do not like her. They have told me that if I marry her, that I will never see them again. And now my sister-in-law is threatening to throw me out because I didn't get up to help her clean house this morning. Usually my girlfriend and I talk to one another online till around 5 am. Now I do my chores, and whatever else they ask me to do. Yet my sister-in-law is now saying I am doing 'half-assed' chores. Yesterday I forgot to walk her dog, She feels that I don't respect her or my brother. Now, maybe it's my Asperger's, but I don't feel I am being disrespectful. I never mouth off or talk back. But if I do say something, I have no disrespect in mind. I am at the end of my rope and need to know what options are available to me. Any help would be most appreciated, as I am at the end of my rope. My family is insisting that I break up with my girlfriend, but I don't consider that to be an option. Please help! Thanks.

Answer 1

Hello,

What did you do two years ago to get by? Before the diagnoses?

Did you always live off others?

Are you blaming what you are supposed to be diagnosed with for living as you are? We both know the diagnoses change with the wind and you have been in the game a long time.

We to have a aspie in the house, and my diagnoses gets confused with Asperger's, we share some of the same symptoms.

We can either let it dictate our lives, or go on with it....ask yourself  why would your family be saying this about this so called g/f if red flags have not been waved at them?  

It is very possible your attitude towards them and what they are doing for you has changed.  It is never easy living with family and never would I suggest for anyone to do it!! Using your family members comes to mind, and been there with my oldest child (who by the way has diagnoses of his own).

I do not expect my aspie son to live with us when he gets of age but have talked about his own place on the land, paying rent of course and working. Disability is not meant to live off of but to help.  If you are only getting the $600 and something a month, not working this is squatters pay, go get a job if physically able.

Then never meeting this g/f on the internet, who is to say she is real??

You are at the end of your rope and may not see that the rope has left your families hands a long time ago. Pity might even be what is keeping them going. This is no way for a "man" to live. Get your own place. Learn to stand on your own two feet, it feels good!!

Hope this gives you something to chew on and no pity is shown here, the world is a hard place.    

Answer 2

Well first of all you have to figure out why everyone thinks your lady is a total *****.

IS she?  be honest.

I don't want to be rude here, but maybe you are dating her becauase you fear she is the only person you can get because of your unique conditions.

But this is not true.  You could find yourself a nice lady.  

Also it could be that because of your Aspergers you aren't able to see what other people are seeing about your lady.

I would sit down with your family and have them tell you why they don't like her, and actually listen.  Chances are they want you to be happy and if there is a bunch of people telling you someone is a *****, chances are, they are a *****.

But then again,  you can get this information but people usually don't change who they are into.

Sadness...

Answer 3

It appears to me that they are looking for a rationalization to kick you out of their home, likely because they don't take A.S. seriously, or are not empathetic enough toward it or you in general. They might also see your girl-friend as a potential burden on them. She could also have faults, but it's up to you if you want to listen to their complaints about her.

Answer 4

go to webmd, there is all kinds of stuff on ther that can help you

Answer 5

Would breaking up with her allow you to prioritize better and do your chores more efficiently? If so then I think it's only right to respect your sister's wishes, after all how often do you see your girlfriend? Your sister is allowing you to live with her and you have to keep up your end of the deal somehow.  

Answer 6

From what I've read, Asperger's is characterized by "difficulties in social interaction...The lack of demonstrated empathy is possibly the most dysfunctional aspect of Asperger syndrome." Keep this in mind when dealing with your family members and your girlfriend. Of course, they should keep this in mind as well. You can always put more effort into being helpful around the house or being more gracious and courteous to others.