I am a 34 year old woman with a just turned 4 year old autistic son?

Question

my little boy has been attending a 3 hour four days a week public school since december 19 2006.he has behavior problems by falling out on the street with me kicking me calling me stupid and everything else.wanting me to buy him 3.00 worth of candy everyday when we i go to the store. i explained to the school psychologist about this and she said we don't see the behavior at school so they can't focus on the behavior.I keep telling the school psychologist that i'm taking him out the school because they are not doing anything for my kid.the school psychologist ,keeps saying oh he's so cute and adorable.oh you will be making a mistake.he's entitled to a free education.i wanted to send him to aschool for autism.the school psychologist try to sway me from doing that.oh the'll just take your 15,000 dollars from the state and that i'll have to pay the rest of the tuition.i can't work because he go to school 3 hours a day 4 days a week.i cant go back to college 3 classes a day. need help!

Answer 1

You have spoken with the Psychologist - but I think I need to ask you if have you actually spoken to his class teacher/ Special Educator - the person who is apparently not doing anything for him?  It is always best to go and communicate with the teacher - first and foremost.

Often after children have attended school/preschool they do tend to lash out at their parents - another joy of being a parent (!!) - they need to really keep their behaviour in check when they are at school but then when they go home they can release some of that pent up energy.

Have you thought about using visuals with your child - perhaps a selection of activities you would like to do after school with him? - or maybe pictures of items he could help you find at the store?

As for selecting the school - you are the only one who can make that decision about what is right and what is not suited for your child and your needs are very important too.  If - ask the school for help in this area.

What did you identify as his and your needs in the IFSP/ IEP meeting?? Have you and the school been working towards these goals?

IFSP - Individualised Family Service Plan

IEP - Individual Education Plan

Answer 2

OK if they dont see it in class that tells me hes pushing you. My son has bad behavior at school and home BUT there is also differance in his behavior. Take biting for example. He would bite me like crazy and his first aide also but NEVER his dad or his memaw. Reason why he knew he would be in big trouble. We finally had to take on punishment when he would do it to someone else. That helped. Since most of the problem is at home you may need an ABA therapist to come and watch you and give you some ideas on how to curb his actions. I did and it helped. When she first came to my home it shocked me. My son would not sit still for me he kept getting up and walking away he even picked up a chair and threw it at me he was 4. She went to work with him he tried it with her. As soon as he got out of his seat she had him under his arms and plopped him back into the seat. He didnt get up again. I redid it and did what she did and he looked at her and sat still it worked. Instead of saying will you please sit down. say Sit down. or nothing at all.

Answer 3

The behavior problems that you have specified -- kicking, calling you stupid, etc. -- are normal for his age. I work with 25 3 to 4 year olds on a daily basis and have worked with autistic children.

Basically, children will kick, scream, call names, hit, cry and throw temper tantrums to get their way. If you give in and buy him the $3.00 worth of candy he will continue to do this daily to get what he wants.

Next time, DON'T GIVE IN!! Let him throw his temper tantrum even if it means him crying all the way home and into his room. He needs to learn that you are the respected adult in this situation and what you say goes. You will only buy him candy or anything else on your terms -- NOT HIS -- and when you feel that he deserves it for a job well done such as a good day at school, listening to the teacher, following directions, no hitting, no calling names. Be specific  with only 3-4 things  so as your child can remember what is expected of him daily. Short and to the point. Remind him in the morning , looking him in the eyes when you have his attention at home before you leave the house. Waiting until you get to school to remind him is too much of a distraction for him. He will most likely not be listening.

As for Autism, unless you have had him evaluated, the information that you provide doesn't show it. Autistic children usually will not make eye contact. The autistic children that I work with have an IU (intermediate unit) person come right to our school to help along with the daily activities. The state usually funds it if you are eligible. For severely autistic children, they usually spend the morning at the IU center and come to school after.

Answer 4

Are you sure the problem is with the school? I feel that your son is attention seeking.

I am the mother of 4. One is considered mildly autistic. He needs a lot of extra attention. But at 9 years of age he is leading a pretty regular life.Yes, he is just as much work as the other 3 put together.  Yet what he needs most is affirmation from me. Plus a strong discipline because he will pull every trick in the book to get around the rules. Most people think he's a great kid. Yes, I had to make sacrifices . More important to me than anything else (including my own aspirations) is raising great kids. That comes at a price.