I am a party animal, but I suppose to be adopting my nephew, what should I do?

Question

I am 26, I am selfemployed, I like to go out on weekends, and just enjoy a nigh out with my friends., i am not married no kids., but I am the only one that qualifieds to adopt my nephew, and I want to get him, but I know I am not ready for such responsability, he is 12. what am I gonna do? how am i gona make time for both, if i bearly have time for myself and business. he been on adoption waiting list for awhile, but no-one wants him because he is already 12 and he got a cyndrome.

Answer 1

The answer is simple:Grow up and be a man and do what you need to do instead of what you feel like doing.  In time, you will get greater satisfaction out of helping your nephew than you could ever get from getting drunk.  I was in your exact situation...I have never regretted leaving the wild side behind.

Answer 2

If you're not ready for him don't put him through more heartache.  Put yourself in his shoes and imagine how he feels.  You have to make the decision what is most important in your life!!!  Good Luck, this will be a life changing decision no matter what you do!

Answer 3

I have been involved with foster parenting and adoption for a long time now and I can tell you that even if you are 100% focused on a child it can be extremely difficult! It is wonderful that you want to take such a part in your nephews care but it is not enough to "want him." You have to be willing to sacrifice your wants for his needs. A 12 yr old with physical/emotional problems is going to need an enormous amount of time and attention more than an average 12 yr old who has had a stable childhood, he's just entered into the throws of becoming a teenager and it just gets rockier from here. My suggestion, if it were me, I would talk to his case worker and set up visitations, and spend as much time as you can with him and be a source of stability and family connection for him. It might even be more beneficial to him for you to be there for him outside of the role of "parent." I know from experience that my now 11yr old son (who has emotional issues stemming from abuse in his younger yrs) relates best to his uncle who has a very large role in his life but does not have to deal with the day to day discipline and problems that arrive. His uncle is his best friend and the first person he goes to (by phone call) when he's having a bad day or needs advise or just wants to talk to someone he knows loves him no matter what! He often calls to complain about me when he's been punished, which I don't mind, and his uncle encourages him and helps him take a realistic look at whats going on, basically he backs me up which is good for my son and for me! I don't know your individual story or your nephews but before making the decision to adopt take a look at the big picture and see what kind of services he has available, he might be better off staying put and having you take a more active role in his life. You may also find that you need to start taking actions to get more stability in your way of life and take a parenting class (they are always being offered by Social Services) you will have a lot to get in order before you will be able to adopt if that is the choice you and your nephew make. Also, if you look for advise from his caseworker, take it with a grain of salt, I'm not saying that they don't care about the kids, I know most of them do, but they have to look at the bottom line and that is money and it will be cheaper for them to get him out of the system and into your home. What I'm saying here is talk to many trusted advisors not just one or just his caseworker. Good luck and don't let anyone in or out of your family pressure you to make a decision you and your nephew cant live with...this will be a forever decision, not one to be taken lightly!

Answer 4

You are not doing anyone any favors by adoption a child you are not capable of parenting.

You must be 110% committed to parenting him, or it will not work, and may be worse for him than foster care.

See if there is another relative who is mature, settled and able to care for him.

Or, make a major  change o lifestyle, and change of heart.  But it will take the attitude of there being nothing that cold stop yo from taking care of him.  Not an, OK, I will try this!  It will be so very hard for both of you, so make sure you are mature enough and settled enough to handle it.  Sounds as if you are not from what you are saying, and your other posts.

Answer 5

u barely have time for yourself?yet you can go out and party on weekends?apparently you do have time for yourself but you just dont want to share it with him.

Answer 6

You are going to have to give up partying. And if you have a problem with this, then tough. You say you have no time for your business and yourself, but yet you have time go out and party. This child needs you. He needs you to be there for him and love him. If that means giving up your partying ways, then do so. He just became the most important thing in your life.

Answer 7

Cowboy Up! In other words your the adult you suck it up loose a little time for yourself and take care of your nephew! Get someone to help you like a nanny or find some others you could trust so if you wanted to you could go out on occasion. Sounds like the kid needs someone and you may just be that someone, however if you aren't willing to take on the responsibility then don't!

Answer 8

Do what your heart tell you to do, and what your mind can handle.

Answer 9

adopt him , hire a baby sitter for nights that you want to go out .... i dont think that would be too hard!

Answer 10

well it is time to grow up, if you dont think you can handle your nephew dont put him through it let some one that will be there and make the time for him, adopting a kid is a big deal it is for some people and not for others. i wish you all the luck

Answer 11

Well it depends on what morals you really have deep down.  If he is family then he deserves a decent loving person to take care of him.  At 26 you also deserve a free life-style so you have a real dilema on your hands.

Don't make your decision lightly because being a parent has huge responsibilities and you would have to really limit your partying to probably one weekend a month to really be a good role model and guardian to this child.

You should seek some professional advice and maybe contact a parenting association for some councelling to help you.

Answer 12

I guess you going to have to get rid of your party nights and be responsible, just do the right thing,

Answer 13

Try to change your ways somewhat he's a child and he needs you, this has been put in your life for a reason, embrase it and him it sounds like he really need alot of love time and attention what every child needs, and you were picked, I have been trying to help my sisters children for years, my sister is a drug addict and has three children I could only hope she would let me raise them, they are people and they are our future, we need to take care of our future world.... Hope you finditin your heart to give him your all, it will pay off.

Answer 14

If you love your newphew you should adopt him, spend less time partying. you are old enough to be mature and realize that partying is fun once in a great while but not every weekend. i am not saying give up partying, but your newphew is at a difficult age and he needs you, you can always get a babysitter if you need one. but think bout your newphew... hope i helped.

Answer 15

GROW UP !   I had a baby at 16 and stayed home for 6 years to care for him.  When we wanted some grown up fun we had parties at our home. Invite desent people who dont use foul language or do foul things in front of kids. Or have him spend the night with grandparents!

  He needs his family and security!!!

I am 53 and taking in my niece! I will have to give up a lot too, but her life has been h**l, she needs a mom and dad she can depend on so she can grow up to be a healthy, happy adult!!!

Answer 16

follow youre heart and not youre head i cant imagine how awfull care is and you could allways send him to special boarding school for kids with dissabilities on weekdays. its important that he knows that somone wants hm. good luck x*x

Answer 17

It sounds like there is alot of pressure on you to adopt him and a part of you probably even wants to but if you are unwilling to give up your single adult life and put his needs first, adopting him will only hurt him.  He deserves a full time parent who is willing to give him what he needs.  Truly ask yourself Can you be that person?  Are you willing to commit to a lifetime of parenting this child, willing to change your entire life to meet his needs. If you are not able to be his parent, dont adopt him.  He deserves more than a half assed attempt out of guilt, he deserves a father.  I dont want to sound harsh but as a child psychologist, I have watched case workers bully family members into "doing the right thing" and it nearly always backfires.

Answer 18

well if you want to adopt him then why haven't you yet. im not gonna judge you but it would help to get rid of your party nights. instead of going out every weekend how about every other weekend spend sometime with him because no one else will. he is gonna need someone especially because of his problem.

they are just suggestions and stuff but yeah you know. if you really want to help him out then try it. spend a little less time on the streets and a little more time at home. and as for business you could work a little less. get shorter hours.

♥stephie..hope it works out. good luck  =]

Answer 19

Are you really that pathetically selfish?  Yes, people are that pathetically selfish, but believe me, if you are asking this question you suffer extreme guilt dumping him.  He's only 12.  It's time for you to grow up.  Believe me, if something bad happened to you, your friends are not there for you, but relatives usually are.  Be an adult.

I also think Amanda B has a good point. If you can't be there for him because of your business (not your friends), at least be there as a family support.

Answer 20

If you are serious about adoption him then you are going to have to quit your night life. Being a parent means that you make lots of scrafices. I used to go out & party all the time until I got pregnant & had my son. Good luck

Answer 21

sit down and think about what is more important to you...your partying or your nephew?

maybe you could work something out like for every 2 parties you go to, you could do something with your nephew that he will enjoy.

or maybe you could go partying one weekend and then spend the next doing something with him or doing other things that need to be done.

hope this helps.

Answer 22

I think that you should adopt him. He might be safer with you than with other people. There are so many creeps out there!

Try to spend as much time as possibe with him and hire a baby-sitter to care for him on the days that you will be out.

Maybe if you have a girl friend she can also help you out.

Good luck with whatever it is that you do!!!! :)

Answer 23

adopt him and quit partying bc u need 2 b a great example 2 him and u dont wnat 2 leave him all the time bc he might wnat 2 b with u

Answer 24

This kid will need a lot of care and attention, he needs (obviously) someone to take good care of him.  If you don't think you are ready for that responsibility, then don't adopt him.  There's nothing wrong with adopting him and still going out on weekends, just find a good babysitter.  But, he is family, and it might be time for you to think of someone besides yourself for once.

Answer 25

You’ve answered your own question sir if you’re not ready to take on the responsibility of a child you should not.  Even more so a 12 year old, who will be a teenager in the next year or so, and apparently has some disability. When you become a parent you have to give up certain things, if you do end up adopting your nephew you will have accept that your party days are official over, that’s just the way it is.  Don’t get me wrong you can still see your friends but it might not be as often or you can have them come over and hang out at your house.  Or as some said occasionally hire a babysitter.

Answer 26

TIME TO GROW UP, stop thinking of yourself, and think of your nephew, he needs you.

Answer 27

Maybe you can cut your partying down to one night a week and hire a babysitter to look after him on that one night. You didn't specify what kind of syndrome he has (is it Down's or autism, that makes a difference). Most 12-year-olds don't need too much supervision, and he should be fine with a sitter for one night, so that his aunt/uncle can have a night out.

Answer 28

26...mmm you sound like your still in high school..don't think your grown up yet to take care of a 12 year old..

plus I think he needs a better role model than a party animal that likes to drink and have fun..

Answer 29

You can still have a night out with friends! Hire a babysitter one night a week, problem solved.

As long as you make time for him the rest of the week, one night to yourself is fine.  He will probably enjoy it too. You could make it fun, like allow him to rent a few movies that night, and tell the sitter to order a pizza. Maybe even let him have a friend stay the night. That way, you get your break, and he gets to have a lot of fun too.