I am adopting a little girl she is 2 years old should i let the real grand parents see her?

Question

yes the birth mother and father are aloud to visit as long as they respect me and my family

Answer 1

Wow whyed thye leave her? Well if ure letting the parents why not the grandparents. If it were me i wouldn't let any strange people who left there children in someone else's care c her. WELL BYE

Answer 2

We have a wonderfully open relationship with my son's bio grandparents.  They have become an extended part of our family.  They have made an amazing difference in his life.  I cannot imagine not having them in his life.  We even spend one week a year on vacation with them.  It's been great.

Answer 3

We have a nearly 5 year old adopted daughter and would be happy to let the bio grandparents visit with her.  I think maintaining that connection is important both to the GP's and the child.   The more love a chilld receives, the better...whether that love comes from bio or adopted relatives isn't the issue.

Answer 4

Then I would say yes based on the fact the parents don't want to interfere with your life... Congrats on your little girl. ENJOY!

Our daughter is now six and has been with us since the hospital... Our life would not be complete without her.....

Answer 5

Well, that is dependent on so many factors.  Obviously, the best interest of the child has to be the deciding factor.  

But she will now have you as a real Mom, too, and presumably, more real grandparents as well.  If anyone in her life who is important to her is reasonably appropriate, have good boundaries and behavior, then I say -- yes!

Answer 6

As a birth mother who gave up 2 daughters, I say YES, YES, YES.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  My youngest daughter told me when she found me that there was a big empty hole in her heart because she did not know where and who she came from.  Please don't do to your precious little girl , what I did to mine by accident.  Let her know her roots and family.  Just specify to her birth family what your requirements are for her.  Please allow her to retain that family as well.  She will love you all the more for that move.  She will know that she is your daughter by choice, not by accident.  Allow her to know the love from ALL her loved ones.  PLEASE?

Answer 7

Wow.... what a situation.  If she's 2, then she's probably known her biological gp's her whole life?  If that's the case, I would let her.  Though I'm curious as to why her gp's didn't adopt her.... Obviously I don't know the whole story, but I think it would be unfair for her not to know them if they wanted to be in her life.  I wouldn't think they had any part in the fact that the parents lost custody of the little girl (?), and probably love the child dearly.

Being adopted myself, I would hate that biological family weren't able to see me if they'd been in my life prior to the adoption (and I was old enough to recognize who they are).

But then again, it depends a lot on YOUR comfort lvl.  Would YOU be ok with this?  Are there concerns....? etc.... And she is young enough that her memories will fade.

Good luck and congrats on the adoption!!!

Answer 8

You need to know for sure that they wouldn't try to do something stupid, like give her wrong information, kidnap her, and like anyone you know, you wouldn't let anyone around your child who is smoking, drinking, etc.  My son's birth grandma sees him, however, it is always in my home, or if we meet for lunch.  I don't feel comfortable letting her (or anyone I don't know really well) take him away from me.  Good luck, and it can prove to be a good relationship for her.

Answer 9

If you already allow the birth parents to see her, I'd let the grandparents visit her, unless there is some reason why they would be a bad influence (like drug addicts).  

cw

Answer 10

The obvious answer is yes, and if the adoption is open enough that the parents are seeing her, you must have some reservations about the grandparents that make you ask this question.  If they currently have a healthy relationship with her, why not let that continue?  If they do not have a healthy relationship with her, why consider allowing it to continue?

Answer 11

why not they love her as much as you do.If you don't feel comfortable to leave her with her grandparents then talk about it with them tell them that if they want to see her then they have to agree with supervised visits.

Hopefully it helps

Answer 12

as long as they are safe to be around her, there's no reason they shouldnt be able to see her. any family members whose visits wont be detrimental to the little girl should be allowed to continue their relationship with her. just dont put anything in writing. that way, if they turn out not to be such great grandparents to your little girl, you will have the right to end the visits.

Answer 13

As a birth mother, through an open adoption, I want to say that your question is worded in a way that implies that you do not have complete trust in the birth parents.  This seems odd to me, as they are also trusting you to raise their child.  I would hope that they are not sitting back saying, "Yeah, they can have my kid as long as they are respecting her and me." I hope you have been through some type of formal open adoption counseling.  It is crucial to the relationship between all involved.  You would not want to end the relationship between the birth parents and the child in the future, as this would be damaging to the child.  With that said, I see no reason why the grandparents should not see the girl.  They love her as well.  She is lucky to have so many people love her and be concerned for her well being

Answer 14

Well of course.

Surely they didnt have anything to do with the parents abandoning the child.

:)

Answer 15

you should because the child may recognize them and respond well to them in her/his new enviornment. and if the child only has one pair of grandparents (your parents and no inlaws or visa versa) than it will definitly help the child get over th fact that he/she has only one pair of grandparents.

Answer 16

Oh please yes!  Your little girl with thank you someday.  I'm not sure about your attitude with the first parents.  If you respect them, I'm sure they will respect you too.

I guess i need more info.  Is this thru foster care?  Is there a history of abuse?  Then use common sense and go slow with supervised visits.  Trust your gut.

Try to see things from your daughter's point of view.  I'm sure you love her very much and want the best for her, having a connection to her first family is what is healthiest for her.

Best of luck.

Answer 17

If they respect you as her parents and there is no harm to the child I see no reason against it. The same rules that apply to the birthparents should apply to the birthgrandparents. Boundaries    and rules most be established.

Answer 18

As long as you are planning on being honest with your new daughter about everything, I don't see a reason not to.

Just remember that it will take maturity and self-control on the parts of all the adults.

I don't know how complicated your situation is, but if you're trying to keep the girl from biological parents, but have no problem with grandparents, then maybe you should have supervised visits?

Answer 19

I would say yes, since they are a part of her family.   At first, you might want the visits to be with all of you together, until you get to know the grandparents.   If you are comfortable with them, after a little while you might be able to let them take her out by herself now and then.

Answer 20

you're lucky to even have this kid.  how dare you even consider keeping her from her family.

Answer 21

heck NOOOO

im adopted and my new mom does NOT let me see my granny and granpa. they say they r too cntrolling and will have too many suggestions how to keep me helty, happy, and all that c**p. DNT...PLEASE (for the sake of the child)

Answer 22

Of course. These grandparents must have an emotional bond with their grandchild. Even if they are not already close to her. Its a family thing.

I'm sure she would love to know her real family as well as her knew family and with holding that from her make make her resent you in the future.

Its never up to us who are children choose to have relationships with, though we can guide them and tell them our thoughts, but in the long run they will do as they please.

She may not be able to do that at 2 but its better then her doing it when shes 20 and mad at you for it.

Give her a big family, one with extended family and her new family.

The last thing you would want is her biological grandparents getting older or sick and pass away with out her never truly knowing them.

Like i said before. She may be showing resentment instead of a thank you.

if she chooses not to continue the relationship in the future it will be her choice and not yours.

Good luck with your choice!

Answer 23

I would if you are comfortable with them seeing her and they respect you and your family like you said with the birth parents. But thats up to you and how your feel. Congrats on the adopting. Soo exciting. I cant wait to start the process. =]

Answer 24

If she has a relationship with grandparents many of us who adopt children who are not newborns do continue to maintain some of the family relationships that are healthy....

My friend has two adopted sons...both have some family members who do come to birthday parties or other special events....

We would love to have been able to include extended family relationships for our two siblings but, none of their family was interested...  :(

The way I see it is--Can a child really have too many grandparents? And it will be a long time before your little girl will be able to understand how everyone who is important to her is related to her....

I would vote YES keep the contact especially if she knows them already....

Answer 25

Dont get greedy, remember that just because you are adopting her that doesnt mean you own her, and she will need connections with her bio-family to help her survive. and there will be a time when she will NEED her bio-family, but dont cut ties because you get jealous or something

Answer 26

Yes I do think that you should let them see  her even if you are always there and supervising the visits. I was adopted around 2 years and now am 19 and I know my birth family and it is going well. I know that they are where I came from but I also know that I have a new family and another chance to have a better life. But in the end it is totally up to you what you do.

Answer 27

This is a questions you are going to have to play on a respect basis.  My son is a family adoption and we have explained how he came into our life, etc.  I have always told my cousin and aunt that they can visit and see him.  My cousin chooses not to come around, honestly, neither of them do.  The only time my Aunt sees my son is when I take him to see her.  My husband and I did not have an issue with this until this last visit when she told him basically, "I am your only Grandmother, I am your real Grandma".  This upset my son and when I asked what was wrong he told me about the comment.  He is extremely close to my mom, his grandma, and I felt my Aunt disrespected my mom (her sister), my son,  my husband and I.

I think as long as the relationship is healthy and that everyone is respected then you should allow the visits.  But the minute they try to do something mean you have to confront them.  My son is still able to visit, but I will not leave him alone with her again.

Answer 28

Yes i think so how would you feel if you were denied access to your own flesh and blood and plus a child can never have too much love your little girl will be very lucky she will have a huge family who will all love her!

As long as they don't try to interfere to much it will be fine but remember all Grandparents think they know best and are just trying to help as i'm sure yours and your partners parents will also want to be involved and help.

Congratulations and Good Luck

Answer 29

Children should have contact with as much of their natural family as possible, as often as possible.  Adoptive parents have the legal right to choose who sees, and has contact with, their adoptive children - but with that right comes the responsibility of making sure that the decisions you are making are based on the best interests of the child.  It is rarely in a child's best interest to cut off contact with their biological family.

Answer 30

That’s a hard one… Will the birth mother be allowed to see her?

I would say yes because Grandparent should not be punished for there children’s errors .

I’m sure they have become very attached to their granddaughter so YES let them see her

Answer 31

You mean birth grandparents.   Yes, let them see her, unless she was taken away from abusive parents and you fear the grandparents will help them steal her away.

Yes, let them visit.  It would be good for all of you.  

You can have them sign a legal document saying they won't interfere, if that makes you feel more secure.

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