I am afraid!? -- Can't take this any longer HELP!?

Question

I lived stressed now.

I am 20 years old, I am the oldest of 3. My brother is 17 and my sister is 11. I live with my parents for the time being.

About a month ago I took a vacation, I needed one badly.

I was waking up angry and stressed, crying, yelling at people - the first thing a did in the morning was yell. I felt evil and careless towards everything.( I almost jumped out of a car) So I left to my BF house for 3 weeks ( we live 3 hours away from each other.) I

By the second week at my boyfriends house I became homesick. I wanted to go back home. When I finally went back home I was extreamly happy, I did not want to leave my bf house but I missed everyone. But then reality hit me again, the reason I left was because my family's arguments have gone to an extream. They are emotionally hurting eachother with violent words.

We always argued but now since my father has a disability problem and we are in really bad debt there is so much stress. We are about to loose the house.

Tonight I could not sleep, and usually when I can not sleep I move to the living room or to my parents room. I am now allergic to my living room so I went to my parents. My mother is sick but a 2:00am she started cleaning th house my father has a back problem and does not want to take his pills and they start to argue. I left and told them: "I came here to relax, im leaving to my room, fix your issues." And my father told me " Most of the reason why we are having these issues is because of you" So I told him, "Well I am leaving then" (moving out)

This does not top the emotional stress I have everyday, yesterday I beat my sister, she understood why I did, and for some reason loved me afterwards because I explained why to her. She has a bad attitude problem, throwing things, yelling, screaming, hitting herself. She has learned these behaviors from my family, and now it's worse.

I talked to my parents when I came back from vacation, we cried, hugged, I told them what I was going through, but things are not any better.

I AM AFRAID. I think I might do something stupid, I almost jumped out of the car, I am stress I can't sleep, I look myself in my room.

The question is, should I move out if this is hurting me in such a great negative way, (dangerous to my life --- not suicide just to clarify)

Answer 1

Just tell them that we are a family and demons (whether it be metaphoric or literal) are trying to tear us apart.  This is a time when we need eachother most and we need to walk this anger off, or something.  Seriously, this hurting eachother nonsense has to be dealt with and stopped because it's absurd.  

My mom and dad have always argued, even in "good times".  My sister and I don't even like to stay at the house when we visit, so we've found other alternatives.  

EDIT:  

Never mind what they want, this is your life.  Yeah sure, the traditional family thing is really cool, but you're not happy with it.  Tell them, if they don't want you to leave, they're going to have to get control of the abuse.  Funny thing, as I was reading I thought that you'd end up arguing with your BF, but it's obvious that neither you, nor him, are the problem.

Oh, and by the way, instead of yelling at people in the morning, try saying, "Good morning all, I love you."

On the other hand, some people just like to whine for attention.  One can usually easily learn how to deal with that, but if you guys are really just verbally abusing eachother, you all need to take a step back and check yourselves.

EDIT:  Now that I've actually read it all...  

Yeah, move the heck out and take your siblings.  Also, find a different job, or better yet, go to school.  Live with your BF, or even at the Salvation Army if you have to, but stay away from the drugs.

Answer 2

WHOAAA? sound pretty fuked up baby... idk what 2 say try moving out and another vacation

Answer 3

hey! I'm under the same situation. I'm living with people who i hate. the tension in this house is high and so much negative energy is running through. but I can't move because of the money situation. so what i do is think positive. it sounds so cheesy but it's keeping me from breaking down. you should meditate you'd be surprised how calm you'll feel after words. and do something that will keep you busy. get a part time, go to museums, the park, library, show, parties. you don't always have to be in the house.