I am afraid my mother is going to ruin my wedding.?

Question

I am now an adult and getting married. My mother has been an alcoholic my whole life and lost custody of me when I was younger. I dont have a close relationship with her because she still continues to drink. She is invited to the wedding I just have this fear that she is some how going to ruin it.

Answer 1

Not to sound callous and cold, but she can only ruin it if she's there. Why invite someone who was never there for you growing up, and let her get th attention of being the MOB? Since you have already invited her go for no, or at the very least limited, booze.

Answer 2

Since you already invited her to your wedding perhaps you could allocate another guest who knows her well enough to keep a close eye on her and to remove her immediately if she starts. I wouldn't have asked her in the first place though.

Answer 3

She just might, yes. She'll most likely get drunk and make a spectacle of herself.  That's what alcoholics usually do.

You could minimize that by not serving booze at the wedding.

You could ask a family member to "babysit" her and remove her if she gets out of hand.

I'm not sure why you invited her to begin with-- she really hasn't been a "mother" to you

Answer 4

have someone keep a close eye on her during the reception and wedding and if she begins to get out of hand. have her quietly escorted out . tell her your plans so she knows she may be escorted out , maybe she'll try harder to not drink and ruin your wedding. good luck

Answer 5

My mom is an alcoholic and a drug addict,and I know that she is my mom but she is a different person when under the influence,until she is clean....she will not be invited to my wedding...but since she is coming...talk to her about how you feel and let her know that you love her but if she causes a scene then she will be asked to leave.

Good luck and congratulations.

Answer 6

im sure she wont- shes ur mother no matter what..

Answer 7

You have two options (been down this road...)

1) Don't invite her.  If it's too stressful - too bad for her.  It's your day!  YOU DESERVE THE BEST FOR YOURSELF!

or

2) Invite her, but make sure you have one or two people you can trust - on alert - who can "escort" her out if she becomes unruly.

Good luck!  Don't be afraid to think of yourself first - it's okay!

Answer 8

if your worried that she'll ruin it by drinking at the reception or something then have a "dry" reception like i did. no one minded at all.

Answer 9

Point her out to your ushers and give them the orders to escort her out if she starts any trouble at all.  Then relax and enjoy your day!  She can't ruin it, if you don't let her!

Answer 10

Wow. With an open bar, this could definitely be an issue. Try chatting with her. Maybe her condition has improved. At the wedding, if she starts to cause trouble, have the hall security quietly escort her out.

Answer 11

I'm sorry - why is she invited to the wedding?

My mom is a drunk and a crack head. She is NOT coming. No way. Besides the fact that every time I have tried to talk to her she tells me I ruined her life and she should have had an abortion.

BTW, she showed up at my high school reunion drunk, and started screaming and cussing at me while we were marching down the aisle about why had I given a friend's mom the camera (because she wasn't there to take pictures - duh). You want something like that to happen at a wedding? I don't need drama, and I doubt you do either.

If there's any way to get her not to come, that would be good. h**l, I paid my mom $50 to not show up to a family event once. She went and bought some booze and didn't come. Otherwise, have a big family member (or two or three) on guard. She should be escorted out if she gets out of hand.

Having no beer at the wedding may not help. My mother just drinks before events, and shows up drunk or high.

Answer 12

I would assign someone to her to limit the amount of alcohol she gets or to remove her from the premises and bring her home if she gets out of hand.  In addition, if she is invited to the reception, I would recommend an alcohol free evening except for a glass of wine for toasting.

If you've already made plans to have a bar at your wedding, I would suggest that you invite her for the wedding and photographs ONLY.  Unless you have a really pushy relative who will make her not drink or to leave when she has had too much, it only spells disaster for your reception.

Answer 13

Don't serve alcohol. I'm not being flippant, but if she is an alcoholic and can't be trusted around alcohol, and you want her at the wedding, don't serve any.

Answer 14

just tell the bartender that she is not allowed to drink. identify her to the bartender.

Answer 15

I know it is important for you to have your mother at your wedding, so you have done what you think is the right thing and invited her for your special day.

I think you should gently discuss what you expect at your wedding, and then assign a family member to chaufer her to the wedding only if she is sober and keep an eye on her and then take her home after the ceremony.

Sorry you had such a suckey life. Remember, every day is a new beginning and keep your  focus on the future.

Answer 16

You have invited her, you cannot uninvite her. You must take the risk, because you opened the door and let her in. However, most people who know you, have probably been told by someone about her. Let her embarrass herself if she is so inclined, you can do nothing to stop it, but you can escort her out if she becomes so drunk that she insults people, is loud and obnoxious, bumps into things, like guests, the cake table, etc. You simply ask an usher or another relative you trust to be 'on guard' and slip them cab fare...they can pour her into a cab and send her on home. Plan ahead for this and your wedding will go a lot smoother.

Answer 17

If she has behaved badly in the past she will most likely behave badly at the wedding.  Unfortunately people sometimes think (or maybe hope) that people who behave badly or don't get along well, will all of a sudden pull themselves together just b/c they are getting married.  It doesn't work that way!  Trust me!

You should prepare for the absolute worst!  

Make it known to the family that she is invited, but that you want them to be on the alert for her behavior.  Assign someone specific to be her babysitter for the day/evening to make sure she is not drunk/doesn't become drunk.  

Also, give your coordinator or church director a picture of her & tell them the whole story.  If she shows up already polluted, have the director and ushers tell her she cannot come into the ceremony.  If she causes a scene, they should call the police and have her escorted away if necessary.  If the situations involving her in the past have been very extreme, you might even consider hiring an off-duty cop to have around just in case; they are usually about $35 per hour & very willing to help to make the extra money.

I know these sound extreme,  but think of the consequences if you have no plan in place.  Your drunken mother stands up during the ceremony & makes a fool of herself & embarrasses you; she get ahold of a mic at the reception & makes an embarrassing speech; she dances on a table at the reception.  NOT GOOD!  Better to have a plan in place, after all, you should not have to be traumatized at your own wedding b/c of her poor choices.

Answer 18

Do you have a friend or family member that can keep an eye on her?  I think that would be the best way to handle it if you honestly feel that she may cause a scene. This way you can have someone who can stop the damage before it even starts...maybe they can monitor what she drinks, tell the bartender to make the drinks really light, etc. If you truly want her to be in attendance then I think that would be a good way to ease your nerves about her causing trouble...

Answer 19

tell her the weddings off and she wont come

Answer 20

Can you talk to her about it?

I know it sounds bad but ruining your wedding won't ruin your marriage.

Your mother brought you into this world...there is nothing that you can ever do to repay her for that...even if she has messed up everyday of your entire life.

Your love could change her life....