I am afraid to leave my home?

Question

I am an 18 year old male and I have agoraphobia which means I am afraid of awkward public situations, I have not left my home for 8 weeks and I a also get worried about what people think about my appearance and of how I am in general. I can't even leave my home to visit my counsellor because I have it so bad, the main problem is the more time I spend in solitary confinement (my home) the harder it is to get back into becoming a sociable person again and the worse I feel about myself. I am tall and lanky I probably always will be and I look a little odd, how can I come to terms with this? I hate myself and the person I was born as, and I question everything. I wont leave my home until after 10pm when most people are in bed. I refuse to go onto medication

Answer 1

have a cup of coffee in the morning. itll get you going and youll be outside being productive. thats it, thats wat everyone else does. wake up, coffee, school/work, back home. and then alcohol to unwind at the end of the week. but seriously tho get urself some good coffee, some good flavored gourmet stuff ull want to drink. all u got do after that is walk a block away from ur house, at that point u dont wanna go back anyway, ur just backtracking. so do that everyday and itll become a routing for you. good luck.

Answer 2

Agoraphobia means you are scared of going out doors not just social situations. Also you should swallow your pride and just take medication, it might actually help. Or at least try it out temporarily to see if it helps any. There may be no other way of improving your situation.

Answer 3

Stop caring...your wasting you life away sitting at home. Get over your fear and go outside....People really dont care all that much to judge you...

Answer 4

OMG, I feel for you.

I hope you will find that all of us have insecurities and while you are worrying about yourself, the person next to you is most likely busy worrying about something in his/her life and hasn't taken notice of you (Sad but true that we humans are a self-centred bunch ... that said, it is great to be noticed and uniqueness is under-appreciated!). We only have one go around ... make the most of it. You are so much more than your outer appearance! You maybe should try small steps ... go out to get the mail in mid day. Then go to the corner store for something ... and work your way up to going out as you used to. It will take time but wil get easier with each step.

Good luck to you.  

Answer 5

You know, when I was 18 I was the same...I felt that when I walked into a room, if I heard any comment with a negative tone, I thought was directed toward me. I would lock myself in the bathroom during classes sometimes because I felt so ugly...turns out, most of the guys thought I was hot...at least, that's what they said but I still don't believe them. It feels like a sick trick, even though I really haven't had anyone insult my looks since I was a pudgy 10 year old.

I guess it's kind of a sickness. Even my husband (who is more than I could have ever asked for) tells me I'm hot and I just don't believe him...I find it impossible, especially now that I've had a baby and I have added a lot of weight to my frame (probably the worst thing a self conscious person like me could do). I also suffered from panic disorder when I was 19 (started seeing things and feeling a constant sense of dread)...I still haven't completely recovered at 23, and I hate leaving the house. I know I should because I become more and more paranoid everyday...as someone said, part of it is laziness...but part of it is fear of exposing myself to the world...why? Because I have a weakness...I care way too much about what people think of me that I'm not happy.

Happiness will not happen until I start tackling the little and big things I want to do in my life, and get over the fact that not only do most people not care about what I look like...but that I shouldn't care and I should have fun. Life really is too short. it's hard to get over, but some medication can help, at least with some of the anxiety. I HATE mood pills, but found I absolutely needed some during the rough days of my panic disorder, or I would have never been able to come around and beat it enough to where I can live a decently happy life. All it did was help me to calm down enough to focus on how to help myself. I took effexor...it may not be what you need, but it didn't make me feel weird at all, I just noticed I wasn't as fearful and paranoid, and then I weaned off of them.

Answer 6

First of all, tall and lanky in a male would tend to make you attractive to the opposite s*x and imply a laconic, calm disposition not likely to be hyper-critical.  If you are female, you will find a suitable m8 in the country/western crowd or the rockers whom will think you exotic if they are shorter.  Know what you mean about slipping into hibernation as I have those tendencies myself and crowds do make it easy for us.  I find the nocturnal folks less harried than the diurnals whom are either at work and leave just the soccer moms and credit card junkies for potential social contacts and that can get limited as well as old.  I have spurned meds for years for these same symptoms which are quite related to clinical or other forms of depression, btw as I don't like the side effects either.  Haven't gone to jail, the nut bag or killed anyone over it and if you can say the same, your self-esteem, judgment and success in life thus far are to your credit.  Forget the critics; real and imagined as they are in the minority, and if you think you look odd, get a second opinion as it could surprise you into a new friendship.

Answer 7

FIRST OF ALL PAGAN PUSHCHAIR IS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. BEST ADVICE I'VE HEARD IN A LONG TIME! GOOD ATTITUDE! He's right! It won't kill you! It will NEVER KILL YOU!

Just do it!!! You cannot just allow yourself to sit in your house because of this fear you've got! FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real! FEAR is something that exists between your ears. That's it. It is not real. COURAGE is being scared to death but doing it anyway! Get yourself dressed and go out there and do something even if it is just walking through the grocery store. Even if you are shaking and sweating and crying...keep walking, don't turn around. You gotta push yourself. You gotta do it. Just sitting there isn't helping anything. Do it! I have anxiety everyday of my life and I go to work whether I feel like I'm going to throw up all over the place from my stupid fear or not! I DO IT! You just have to do it! You have to be stronger than your mind! Your mind will control you if you allow it, it will make up crazy bogus believable irrational thoughts ALL DAY & NIGHT! You have to be strong. I was in the midst of a panic attack when I went for my job interview..I did it. You've got to do it! People don't actually care as much as you think they do (or at all). Please! Get out there! Fight it until you kill it!!

Answer 8

I'm sorry to hear about your condition. Maybe you can take it slow. Do you have friends? Friends are a great way to start going outside and feeling good about yourself. If not, maybe you and your parents can go together to see a good therapist, your local school district maybe able to recommend someone. We all have insecurities about ourselves so don't feel bad. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

I was the same way when I was 18. I sat in my room for about 2 years, I never left the house, and beleiv eme it will eat you alive.

I grew up being made fun of b.c. Im really skinny and I hated the way I looked.

I coudlnt see a dr, b.c. I refused to leave the house. One nite I decided that I couldnt live like that anymore. I wanted more to life and I started sitting outside in my back yard a little bit each day. When I felt comfortable  with that I started taking walks around the block. Eventually going to places near my home in a car, and eventually I got over my agoraphobia.

You have to stop thinking about what other people think about you. You are the way you are and you cant change that. I finally came to realize that about myself and I feel much better. You cant let this ruin your life. You have to fight it.

It really is mind over matter. Try ordering some books online about anxiety and agoraphobia, you may find it very helpful.

Answer 10

Whad up Dude!

I'm not considered ugly nor am I skinny, but don't like to leave home.  Honestly, I think it's because we're lazy people. We enjoy the computer world so much, until we have shut the world out. That's not an agoraphobic nor does it have to do with your appearance. Looking a little odd never stopped you from learning how to type well, did it?  You sound very educated, also. That's a blessings!  Did you know that, already? How can you question being born who you are or as you are?  Our precious parents aren't fault.  I'll bet yours love you too much and pet you too much.  If they didn't you'd have to leave home to get what you need as in groceries, toothpaste, etc.

Trust me on this.  People are too wrapped up in themselves to worry about what you look like or act like.  You're burning up calories on that waste of energy.  Do you have time to care about all of us out here in the world? Nope, I can answer for you.  See it's simple.  You've also been given some very good answers by fellow "Answers" below and steps to follow.

Try adopting a kitten from the Animal Shelter.  Take your mind off your self.  This will do more for your anxiety than anything.  I do agree about the medication, if you have depression really bad.  It should be a consideration and would help you have an appetite, too.  Only you can help yourself.

Try for that Kitten.  They are clean animals.  All you need is a litter box and some kitty litter.  Look on line how to care for it.  You'll be so proud you did this for yourself. They are soooooooo fun to watch.

Do your parents attend Church?  If so, go with them. I know you wouldn't be judged there.  If they don't go.....find a Church in the Yellow pages and just go.  Sit in the back near the door, until you're comfortable.  These are places you won't ever be rejected.

Blessings<><:)

Answer 11

I'm sorry you feel this way, but the cure only lies with YOU.

I suffer from mild social anxiety - so I have an insight into what you are feeling.

Think about the worst that will happen if you go out. A panic attack? Being stripped naked by wolves and everyone laughs at you? A heart attack? Going insane? Going into Walmart?

The only way through it, is through it!

I know it feels impossibly hard but go out and FACE IT!

Keep a mental eye on your anxiety levels as you open the door and step into the street on a scale of 1-10. Is it  5?

Now walk down the street and feel it rise to 7?

Now smile and say hello to someone passing you. A 9?

Now stop and suck it all in. Let the fear flow through you. A 10?

Think about how long it stays at 10 for. Front it out. 2 minutes tops!

I PROMISE YOU THAT IT WONT KILL YOU. DARE IT TO STAY AT 10. TRY AND MAKE IT STAY AT 10!!

You won't be able to. It will gradually decrease as your brain gets accustomed and bored by the street.

SHOUT at your fear. DARE it to kill you. it CAN'T.

Don't live like a slave.

Once you realize that the fear isn't real it will start to get better. But, like anything, it will take guts to take the first step, so share with a friend before and after.

Good luck.