I am an Indian sikh woman about to marry a christian German man from Bavaria.?

Question

What can i expect our life in Germany to be like ? Are people generaly tolerant of mixed couples ?

Also can i marry him in a traditional church ceremony (catholic) if i am not christian ?

Answer 1

As a German (from Bavaria, and yes, I am roman catholic, too) who had an Indian Hindu woman as a roommate for 10 months (I know it's not the same, but hey, cut me some slack!) while I was living in the US, I guess I can get where your fears come from. And I think you are so cute to worry so much about this, which I think your husband will very much appreciate.

However, to your actual questions: There are many "mixed" marriages in Germany, more so in the big cities than in the smaller ones and villages, but even so: In the big cities, you will not be an "oddity", and in the small cities and villages you will be too much of an "exotic" for people to stay away (prepare yourself to get asked all kinds of questions about everything Indian, your cooking, your baking,....). They are nosy creatures! And will try to find out what you do and how you do it and how often you do what you do.... My point is: They will show a big interest in you, and rather than letting them come all in, you will rather need to guard yourself and not let them in your live too much, and not let them bother you too much, before you know who really wants to be your friend and who's just a sceming b**** (Sorry, but I am from a small Bavarian town myself. It really is all on soap-level, though the tragedies are rather smaller, and the gossiping a lot worse). I gather you don't have children yet, so I would advise you, if you are going to live in a smaller town, to go and find some friends (maybe go to the "Volkshochschule" and take some classes or join a club) before you do have kids, cause than you have a base of friends (parents can get pretty ugly when it comes to their kids school play and how they want their kid to shine...).

I'm not saying that because you are Indian at all. I would give the same advise to anyone moving to a small town/village in Bavaria, no matter where they are from! For instance, my parents grew up in a bigger town not even 50 Kilometers from the town where they later built a house and me and my sisters grew up. I am now 27, and only since two years are my parents not told "You are not from here" whenever it comes to neighborhood decisions. Only when there were decisions to be made together were they told that, though. Not in daily live.

Being a mixed couple or being a girl from India has nothing to do with it. You could be from Mars and have green skin with orange dots as well as from the town 30 km down the road, it doe not matter - you are not from THERE, that's the point!  So take a step back from time to time and observe neighborhood gossiping dynamics from a critical point of view and with a good bit of humor and sarcasm. That's my best advice.

As to the ceremony: I imagine you will have to talk to the priest who will perform the ceremony. As nowadays their service is basically just icing on the cake, with the only legal marriage being performed by an official from the town hall, most priests have little objection to marrying anyone, as long as one of them is catholic in believe. There are more strict priests and less strict priests, however. Some of the very strict, for example, will put you though all kinds of h**l with what they want you to do even if you're just protestant (which, by standards of the Vatican, is just a branch of catholicism who will find back to "the only true church" in time). In your case, I would just ask the priest who you want to perform the wedding what he would want you to do, and if that seems a little too much for you, ask another priest. But I don't expect you to run into too much trouble, though I would expect the priest to ask you to raise any children in the catholic faith. That request is really quite common.

I hope you will have a wonderful wedding! Stand your ground and be who you are if people should bother you. I know my Mom thinks people from my hometown where hard on her and us when we were small, but it's almost 30 years down the road, a lot has happened, and I guess people are and have been moving around so much that you will have no problems finding real friends wherever you live.

Welcome to Germany! And I'd love to say: Welcome to the neighborhood, but: Bavaria's biiiig. Where are you going to live?

Best wishes!

Answer 2

I know that you can. I'm Bavarian and a baptised Roman Catholic (who quit the Catholic church, but still...), and I know mixed couples who had their wedding ceremony in a catholic church. The priest will talk to you before to check out the details of the wedding, but you will not be re-christened. They don't force anyone nowadays to become a Christian. Maybe he'll ask you why you want a catholic marriage; your answer should be a bit more profound than just "because my husband wants it that way".

As to tolerance: Don't have false expectations. You're a foreigner, and always will be. Expect the same amount of tolerance you'll encounter in every other country in the world. If you adapt to society and learn a bit of the language, you're welcome everywhere. That's my experience.

Good luck to you. If you like, send me pictures of your wedding.

Answer 3

yes.

germans seem colder to outsiders but they are friendly people.

unlike in India you have a lot more tolerance toward mixed couples. there are no "untouchables" in germany.

you have a more progressive, modern society where you will be tolerated. there are many mixed couples that are famous, such as Heidi Klum and Seal for example. Boris Becker married a black woman.

Answer 4

I can only answer by speculation, because I live in America...

But, Germany is a fairly liberal country. They will tolerate your marriage more than most countries in the world.

As far as the marriage itself... I imagine there won't be any problems with the actual ceremony. Customs may be different in the US, but here even two homosexual Satanists could be legally married in a Catholic establishment.

Anyway, good luck for you and your fiancee! Have a happy marriage!