I am an adoption Social Worker! Am I greedy??

Question

I make $41,000/year and work 6 days a week, answering calls 24/7. I went 5 months with no paycheck last year when the agency lost a court case to try and keep a four year old child with his adoptive parents. I do not own a home, have sons who attend state college on academic sholarships, and get the same salary whether any of the birthmothers I work with place or not. I teach parenting classes for those who decide to parent, and provide counseling to birthmothers who placed 5-15 years ago for free. My children have gone without when birthmothers needed their rent paid to stay safely off the streets, and I've been late on my rent due to birthmothers who have scammed the agency. I have been cursed at by hospital personnel after a mother asked me to come to her hospital room and tell her about adoption, and physically kicked out of a woman's house when her angry boyfriend came home to find out she was dicussing adoption after he hit for the last time. I have worked with women for

Answer 1

No...God bless you!  You dont get paid enough for  the hard work that you do.  Social Work is a thank-less job!

Answer 2

I wish all social workers were like you.  It is obvious that you put the needs of the children and families in your caseload far above your own personal needs.  God bless you!

Answer 3

yes.

Answer 4

Well...um...congrats?  Here's a pat on the back.  It's great that you do your job.  A job, I might point out, for which you make about 4 times as much as I do, and a little more than my husband and I put together.  We work with troubled kids.  I guess separating families pays better.

Answer 5

I think you are greedy for a life full of meaning--anxious to show your children the extreme value of a life worth living!

Answer 6

It sounds like you are an amazing person and you should be proud of yourself.  Unfortunately there are plenty people out there that are going to have opinions and stereotypes without any real valid information.  Keep doing what you are doing you are making this world a happier place for adoptive parents, adoptees, and birth mothers alike.

Answer 7

Sounds like the agency that you work for didn't do their job right if they lost a court case that involved a 4 year old sounds like what the adoption agency did to my son. They didn't feel he had the right to even know he was having a child much less that the child was to be adopted out and these wonderful couple knew about his wishes to, it's been a long court battle.

     This is why social workers for adoption agencies get a bad name. If I do nothing else with my life I'm letting fathers and mothers know don't just go after these adoption agencies go after the social workers to they have all the power in the world to play god with these children's liefs. You should have spent more time with your children or do as you preach give them to a couple who would be there for them always. (PS the social worker that  torn my son's life apart has 2 years probation suspension and is also being sued for what damage he did- I really doubt he will try going around the fathers again)

Answer 8

There seems to be a lot of mud slinging going on with your post.  

;)

I think what angers people about it though, is that for one, people don't get paid for charity work... hence it is charity. Lots of us out here really do give to keep some off the streets, or donate food, formula, diapers, clothes, money, etc. for free. So the idea of getting paid to do it, and then complain about it, takes the "heart" right out of it.

Secondly, you DID mention how your kids went without.... any of us on the other side was to give/blow our cash to make the children go without would be a reason for Social Workers to show up on our doorstep.... so it gives the impression that Social Workers must have this "immunity" that they don't have to put their own families first.

Thirdly, it would be a wonderful thing if such energy and hard work was more focused on keeping families together rather than breaking them apart..... families today have to fight even harder just to stay together.

The system has a way of making parents feel like they can't do anything anymore without fear of some kind of consequence. Any neighbor can "call Health and Welfare" for any reason they choose, and the Social Workers act on it without hesitation.

Examples; My sisters kids were playing/screaming out the window- the neighbor ASSUMED they were home alone. A Social Worker showed up at the door.

I myself have a blind child that decided to cut the cats hair (the CAT was in danger, not the child)- a visitor/salesman ASSUMED the cat had ringworm...now, IF a cat really DID have ringworm, that would not be a DANGER to the child for one, and for two, it would be curable from a vet visit and a doctor visit, it wouldn't be life threatening, neglectful, abusive, etc. to the child. But yet, a Social Worker still showed at my door.

If a parent decides to home school their kids, which is not only legal in all 50 states, but also has many benefits that a school environment cannot offer, a Social Worker shows at the door.

Don't get me wrong, there are families out there that need intervention, but they mostly need help. So help them..... but do it with "heart", and make sure you are doing it for the right reasons.

Answer 9

my gosh! i think you dont get paid nearly enough! keep faith in god and he will help you through the tough times! im glad there are people like you

Answer 10

For goodness sake. I feel this could probably be a stab at my question......good for you. The sarcasim is great here, but I dont think your greedy. Infact, I never said adoption social workers are greedy did I?

My title was letters from a keybored, not from my thaughts. Its called a title to a question.

;)

Answer 11

I think you do put your job before your own family! Home is the 1st place that needs to be taken care of!

Answer 12

I don't think you're greedy.  I think you're unethical.

You asked.

(To be clear, I don't think all social workers are unethical.  I think YOU are unethical, based on your comments on this site.)

ETA:  For all those shocked at some of the answers (I'm assuming mine is one of them)...  This is a woman who has individually bashed adoptees on this board for not responding quickly enough to questions for her taste.  She has insulted me, personally, on a number of occasions.  She posts a question (above) to show how wonderful she is, thus chatting in violation of Yahoo! TOS.  She acts the martyr when, as several people have pointed out, she has a better job than many people in today's economy.  Nothing about this question, or the negative responses she KNEW she would get, should be shocking to anyone.  

And to Jocelyn "Still Me"...  People living in poverty can still be greedy.  And based on THIS question, I think I need to change my answer after thinking about it.  You are greedy.  You're greedy for praise and adulation.  You are greedy for people to think of you as wonderful and selfless.  Truly selfless, giving people don't need recognition.  Don't need to BRAG about their selflessness, as you do here.  The object of greed is not always money.  And there are many things you seem to covet here.

Answer 13

My goodness, such the martyr! FTR I don't believe 1/2 the stuff you just posted. Sounds fake to me, just like adoption.

You also use the word "birthmother" just as the industry dictates. Very bad form if you want an ounce of credibility or respect for your opinon.

Answer 14

No you're not greedy. In fact you have a job that sees adoption from all sides. Not too many people here will acknowledge or admit that but I will.

Some of the remarks you've gotten on this question (and others in the past) are inaccurate and mean.

It's true that some people just want/need someone else to blame.

Answer 15

Did you WORK for 5 months without pay?

Are you calling pregnant women who haven't delivered "birthmoms"?

Why would you pay someone else's rent, if you can't pay your own? You should have the knowledge and know how to get these women all the things they need without spending your own money.

I'm lost....

Answer 16

Greedy, no, but that's not where most people have a problem. It's not how much you make, but rather the financial benefit (incentive) the agency and the workers get when a placement is made.

If a mother placing her baby only got the agency a $50 Walmart give care, there's still an incentive, leading many agencies to be unethical. I'm not saying thats you, but we all know that money is a driving force behind TOO MANY agencies.

That's why I'm more for government run adoption institutions, like foster care. YOU would have better pay, benefits, guaranted vacation, great insurance, TSP retirement. The list is endless. But most of all the social workers who work for the Government will know 100% that their counceling, and a womans decision to place is not driven by neding to fill a quota, because there may be another 4 year old whos momy wants him back. In addition, the workers who work for the government will be better educated on ther services available and heck, they can even help the women apply right there.

As for working with women for 7-8 months and them laughing in you face. If they weren't given things, then they wouldn't be there, THEY have an incentive to come and play like they are going to place. That's not right either.

You may not be money driven, but it's out there, and families foot the bill, weather it be losing their child or an enless list of fees that seem to just keep going.

Answer 17

I don't think you're greedy.  I've read these answers, and whoa..  I may come back to add more if I have time to read some of your other answers some are talking about.  But, I don't' think you're stupid...  my first impression is that these are anti-adoption folks who oppose anyone who helps with the adoption process.  I think you are a strong person who believes in what you do and are not afraid to let the world know.  Although, I disagree with many of the things said in here (YA Adoptions), I also respect the people for being strong supporters for what they believe in and not giving up.  They continually bash me.  But, I'm a proud parent through international adoption, what can I say?

---

Why would an answerer point out the fact that they get paid alot less than her (the questioner)?  Does that mean the answerer is LESS greedy than the questioner?  Once again...  Soapbox.  Get off.  By the way, one of you answerers stated your income in here- I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you're just barely over the poverty guidelines for HHS in the US standards.  I'm thinking that you should be one of the ones to get a better job especially if you are considering adoption.  Ofcourse you could always fundraise for college expenses, etc. (wink).

http://aspe.hhs.gov/POVERTY/08poverty.sh...

Answer 18

EXACTLY - and my case workers tell me that I do the hard work - yeah right...

I get to play - they have to do all the legal ****!

Glad to be a foster parent and would NEVER want the work load of a case worker!!!!!!

Answer 19

I have a question of my own: Why do you put strangers' needs before the needs of your own children?  

My answer to your question:  There are more types of greed than simple monetary greed.  Some people are greedy for attention, some for adulation, some for power over others.  Some people are tragedy pimps.  Some are martyrs....the list goes on and on.

Hope this helps.

Answer 20

You also have been known here to give people misinformation.  To pretend to befriend scared pregnant women who ask questions here and offer your email to "help" without identifying yourself as an adoption worker.

In your past answers, you have claimed to be an adoptee, an adoptive parent, a firstmother AND an adoption worker.  You also claim to be older and wiser than everyone here.  I don't know what to believe about anything you write because I suspect none of it is true.

Do you even actually have a degree in social work?

And the reality is that while adoption case workers may not have a stellar base salary, most of them do collect referral fees.

You used to be really nice until you were knocked from the #2 answering position and people began to question you and then you began fingerpointing and saying really hateful things about adoptees and natural parents.

I'm not sure what kind of validation you are looking for with this question.  The only advice I have for you is that being nice counts.  Being honest counts too.

Answer 21

Wow...some of these answers leave me totally speechless! "you are stupid!" ARE YOU SERIOUS? How does this make her "stupid"?

This pretty much sums up everything I've ever wondered about some people here. They really are just bitter & angry!!!

Answer 22

NO! absolutley not. you're not selfish either. You work had for that money, and personally, i wonder if you're being paid enough for all the c**p people put you through.

Answer 23

You answered your own question. Looks like to me that you give give give and not taking in the fact that you could be greedy. stay grounded. We need more people like you in the world.

Answer 24

Want a cookie? I do a lot of those things for free. The point of this is?

Answer 25

Where are my Kleenex? No one ever said the SWs were the ones who made the money!  You are the drone in the bee's nest!  The Director is the Queen Bee. I bet her baby doesn't have to make due with a state college!  Your poor son!

No offense, but dude, you need a job with better benefits & cash!  You must get a real HIGH from separting those bad "birthmothers" from their babies, huh?  Why ELSE would you do this c**p job?

You say you get the same salary whether "birthmothers place or not".  Try not "placing" for 6 months.  You won't have a job. Could be the best thing to ever happen to you.

*snifle, snifle*

Answer 26

Greedy? No.  Crazy? Yes.  There.

Answer 27

There is nothing wrong with taking a better job to better yourself and your family.  I understand that you like helping people, but you will still be helping people in your new career.  You can also get your volunteer work in, in your spare time. You will also have more money so you will be better able to donate goods to needy mothers and children.  If this still leaves you empty and feeling greedy, you could open up your home to a foster child.  Good Luck and don't feal bad for getting paid what  you are worth : )

Answer 28

I am not real sure what you want from us here? So to answer your question, yes, you are greedy. There are many types of greed and not all of them have to do with money.

But if you sleep better at night knowing how much you are "giving" to others then so be it. Just don't look to me for that pat on the back!

Answer 29

Agencies are greedy.  People have been quite clear about this on Yahoo Answers.  Some social workers are just unethical.  Some choose to work for agencies that are greedy.  They also ask for a pats on their backs.

Oh, and your children have "gone without" when you've made other choices?  That's concerning.

Also, if a mother hasn't placed, she's not a birthmother.  She is the  mother.  ( You wrote, "...get the same salary whether any of the birthmothers I work with place or not.")

Answer 30

it's far too early to give a cogent reply to this question.  let me have my morning tea and a muffin; and i'll be sure to address why many take issue with your position...

...stay tuned.

tish

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ok, i've had my morning sustanence...  

i wouldn't call SWs "greedy", per se; but i can see, just from this questions and other answers you've provided why some might take issue against YOU.

many of my good friends are social workers.  many make marginal salaries.  yet, the difference that i see between them and you, is that you seem to not find enjoyment in your job; and seek admiration and praise for separating natal families...

i'm a researcher.  i work for a major university.  although my income is comfortable. many researchers have marginal salaries, find not a lot of enjoyment, and want to be thought of as the "keepers of the human evolution."  case in point, i have a colleague who i trained with who after graduation, went to work for a company that does animal research for cosmetics.  she HATES her job.  and blames the "animal-rights n***s" for making her job miscerable (they get picketed daily). why, because unlike my income as an "academic researcher", her income is as a result of causing harm to animals in order to increase profits from cosemtic companies.  sure, she  rationalized her career choice as 'a necessary evil'-- in that animal testing makes products safer for human consumption.  yet, when she has to fear death threats, picketing from animal rights agencies and risk having her offices bombed; not too many people have much sympathy.

social work, like research or education, offers myriad opportunities.  as such, social workers are needed in many fields, including, schools, hospitals, corporations, et al. so if you feel strongly that you are facing all of this resistance, violence and poor salary,  i think a career change might be in order.

i guess what i'm trying to say, is that the profession of social work does NOT breed greedy people; yet the TYPE of social worker you are might read as a little suspect to some.  many women (myself included) have endured tremendous emotional pain and coercion by the very same people who are supposed to help us. many social workers in adoption, are slanted towards the placement of babies; since the income generated goes into the operating budget, which pays for SWs salaries.  you also stated that your salary doesn't change whether you place a baby or not.  yet, earlier in your question's details you stated that you went without pay for 5 months due to a court case; and lost money due to a birthmother "scamming."  so i'm confused.  from what you stated, placing babies does indeed affect your income. just not in the affirmative.

also, if you have to choose between your family and providing for "birth mothers" then i think your priorities are a bit misranked.  and quite honestly, as a social worker you should know that disclosing that you did not provide for your children can be perceived as neglect. so i'd be careful voicing that, in an open forum.

i guess what i'm trying to state is that SWs are not greedy.  most work in agencies were their income is not derived from human suffering and loss.  their income doesn't come off the backs (or wombs) of scared, ambivalent pregnant women. their income is not contengient upon quotas or "lost court cases", which resulted in natural familiy preservation.  their salaries are not contengient upon women who change their minds or (as you stated) "scammed the agency."

so you see, there's the subtle difference.  not that all SWs are bad; but when the SWs livelihood is based on the natal separation of children from their mothers for profit. it's suspect.

ps.  if you are experiencing this degree of violence and resistance from partners and hospital staff, maybe you should log off Y!A and make a trip over to Monster.com..

peace.