I am currently staying home with our baby while my wife works. It keeps our baby out of daycare but...?

Question

I feel like a loser sometimes. My wife has a job that made more money than mine, and I have the opportunity to work from home, but at a much reduced schedule than before, and less pay. We decided it would be best, finanically (which is very important) for us, if my wife kept her job while I took care of the baby. We are doing OK financially and we don't have to place our baby in day care, which is great, but I feel like a loser anyway. Not because my wife was making more money than me, but now I think she wants to stay home with the baby for obvious reasons instead of me. I am supposed to be going to graduate school in January and will be able to increase my salary potential within a couple of years, but that doesn't make it better for us now. I am just embarrassed that I cannot support us well if I work by myself. Whether or not it is the "modern world" I feel sort of less than a man. We would be OK, but living month to month if we did this. I love my baby, and again, it is rewarding work staying home for her, but I am just trying to be honest. I don't know what I want here, maybe some encouragement or advice?

Answer 1

its great u care and are watching the baby but... your a guy u have to work. at least get a part time job when ur wife comes home. work different hours. thats not fair thats shes working by herself. but shes very lucky to have you.. my kids father. well he dumped me and he is a loser. he just satys at his own house and doesnt work nor doe he help me physically or finanacially. my mom watches my kids when i go to work.

p.s u better get a job soon and have ur wife watch the baby. or u guys can both work partime to even it out. sounds good to me.  

Answer 2

your wife probably does long to be home with the baby but she is aware that the present situation is what's best for the family. I thin its great that your child can stay at home and that you can be there and still bring in a little money. Make sure you let her know how appreciated she is and give her some "mommy time" on the weekends while you get out of the house and do something for you. Staying home can get monotonous and you need a break every now and then too.

Answer 3

Straight from the heart?  THAT is so cool and very heartwarming :)

I don't know how often you look through the posts on Y/A, especially in this section, but it appears that you're a rare breed, at least IMHO.

It sounds like you and your wife are in tandem with this decision.  The two of you are creating a better place for your family without having to struggle and the baby doesn't have to spend the day with strangers and sick kids.

Why would you feel like less of a man for wanting better for yourself, your family AND having the ability to make it happen?  Your time to be the "breadwinner" will be there waiting for you when the time is right.  

For now, just keep enjoying the time you have with your baby ~ they grow up much too fast and the next thing you know, they've got their own lives.

Hey, Dad, you're doing a good thing!  

Answer 4

Hey man, I just want you to know that you're not alone here. My male co-worker made her wife go back to work after two months their baby was born because he couldn't sell his first house while living in his second house already. She cried a lot because she wanted to stay with their baby for the obvious reasons. He just explained to her (by the way, he makes a lot of money) that for the time they have two mortgages to pay, she has to work. Period.

My baby is due in 4 weeks and my husband is also unhappy that just his salary won't do it and I will have to go back to work within a  few months after our angel is born. There is nothing we can do. We knew about it before conceiving our baby.  

Answer 5

Dude, I know this sounds weird, but get a pizza delivery job. Both me and my wife work at pizza shuttle and with tips we make about 20 dollars an hour. The best part is...I only work about 15 hours a week. I work day, she works night so we both get to stay home with the kid but we also get to see each other because we both work part time. Don't get down man, I know working around a baby is hard. May I say kudos for stepping up to the Dad plate? I know you're feeling down, but you're doing right by your kid. I used to stay home with the baby and not work, and after a while I felt pretty useless. But how could I be useless when I was caring for the baby, and saving us hundreds of dollars a month. Keep it up and good luck!  

Answer 6

First off please don't feel like a loser, I think you are doing a great job by staying and watching your daughter. You are not a loser cause you are saving your family money by being your daughter's daycare. You are contributing to your family in a huge way. It takes a strong man to be the stay at home parent, think of it this way there are alot of guys that don't want to be bothered by staying home with their children. I admire you for doing what you are doing and keep up the good work!

Answer 7

This society is set up for the man to go to work - It is also set up to make you feel like a loser/wimp if you don't.  Everything in this country ties a man's worth to his job/career.  Based on that, it has nothing to do with being a good dad, etc.  It has to do with how this society functions.  

Oh, and there is NOTHING wrong with daycare -as long as you want a child who knows how to play well with others, has a head start in school and is generally more independent.

  

Answer 8

if it will make you feel better you can see how much you should be paid as a stay at home dad with the dad salary wizard...

http://swz.salary.com/dadsalarywizard/la...  

Answer 9

I think you are a good man and your wife is lucky to have you.

You are putting your families needs before your own and it takes a strong man to do that. You should cherish your time with your daughter now because things never stay the same. When you go back to graduate school and the work force you may never have time like this again. Enjoy today, enjoy the time you have now because you never know what the future holds.  

Answer 10

I am in the same situation, except I am the working wife while my husband is a SAHD. It wasa last minute decision, his paycheck was less than half of what I earn, and I didn't want to leave our baby in daycare, so we decided to try this as a temporary solution.

I do not feel he is a looser, nor do I think he is lessofa man because he is not taking care of things financially. All I need to know right now is the baby is getting our best by someone staying home, and thebills being paid. If this doesn't work, then we'll think of something else, but as of right now, it is the best for our child, and the best for our child means the best to us as well.

It's only a few more months before you go back to school. These months are precious to your baby, and you will be experiencing many things that would be missed if the baby were in daycare. Just don't think in terms of forever. If being a provider means so much to you, then work towards that goal. Maybe not now, but in a few years, you guys will turn the roles, and things will be much better, But right now, your situation is probably the best one.

Just be patient, work from home at least until you're back in school, and see how you feel in a few months. Hang in there.  

Answer 11

Why feel embarrassed. It is no one's business but yours what you do with your family. You allow yourself to feel ashamed or embarrased. Feel proud that you are the one to raise your child. Take pride in teaching your child. There are tons of things for you to do to feel good. Go to the gym during the day. They usually have a day care available. You can take this opportunity to work out and feel good. This will only be for a short time and your family will be stronger because of it.

My husband and I have odd hours. He is a hairstylist. (dominated by woman and g*y men) His masculinity is questioned all the time. He could care less. He loves staying at home a few days a week with our son and enjoys the time.

Don't you dare feel embarrased or judged for being a great dad. If you do feel someone is passing judgment just laugh at them.  

Answer 12

Welcome to mommy world...you dont feel like this just because you are a man, plenty of stay at home moms feel the same way.  

I think it would suck for my man to stay at home w/ the baby all day everyday.  I think it sucks for anyone.  Adults need adult interaction.

You and your wife should have found a way to put the baby in daycare.

Daycare is not evil.  I don't know how old the baby is, but I would strongly suggest for your sake and your baby's sake that at around 2 years old you do put the kid in daycare at least part time.  It is good for them and prepares them for preschool and the world they will soon be rushed into.

For the time being, try finding adults to hang out with during the day or evening, with or w/out your baby.  You need a good support and social network as a stay at home parent in order to keep your sanity.  

Answer 13

Get over it. Being a man means doing what's best for your family. If it means staying home then so be it..