I am dating a recovering alcoholic...Is Al-Anon for me?

Question

I am in a relationship with someone who is a recovering alcoholic. I never knew them when they were using though. I was told that Al-Anon would be good for me to go to in order to understand who I am in a relationship with and understand myself so I can aid in his recovery by bettering myself. I was curious on other peoples opinions on if I should try Al-Anon out.

Answer 1

I think it would be worthwhile. You learn a lot in Al-Anon about your partner, what they have gone through and still go through, and what to do to see that they remain on the right path, as well as how to deal with your own issues in the relationship.

Answer 2

Yes, go to AL-ANON.  Definitely go.  Especially if he is new to recovery.  When people are in their first year of AA, they are not supposed to date or have new relationships, so it will be important for you to understand why.

Recovering alcoholics are always at risk for going back.  That's why they never call themselves "recovered" alcoholics.  And you don't know the kind of person he was when he was drinking all the time.

Get thee to AL-ANON, and get some perspective on his fragile situation.  I'm not so sure about the part where you say "bettering yourself" will help him recover.  Recovery comes from inside the individual-- it is a willpower thing.   Your role is to understand where he is coming from, and decide how you feel about that in the short and long term.  

Don't be freaked out, it isn't a scary thing.  You will meet nice people there who may be in the same situation you are.

Answer 3

Personally speaking, I hated Al-Anon. I went to the meetings hoping they would help me but everybody just sat around telling everyone else their problems. A large number of the people in attendance were also alcoholics themselves who had a partner who was an alcoholic. I found that the meetings were more stressful than anything else and I certainly never received any advice from anyone at the meetings. I just went home with a huge headache every time I went.

If you are looking for some insight into your situation, I would suggest that you spend some time speaking with a drug and alcohol counsellor. That way you can discuss your specific situation along with your obstacles and goals. Depending upon where you live, you may be able to find some organizations that are subsidized by the government to make the services free, or at least a little more affordable for the average person.

Good luck with your future together, I wish you both well!

Answer 4

Well, there's nothing wrong with trying it out, but my suspicion is that you will be disappointed at what you find.

You see, Al-Anon is not intended for people who want to aid the recovery of a loved one.  The entire premise of Al-Anon is that you, like the alcoholic, are spiritually sick and need to do the 12 steps to "recover".  Al-Anon uses the exact same 12 steps as AA, and Al-Anon people truly do speak of themselves as having a "disease" and being "in recovery".

This, at least, is the theory.  In practice, many Al-Anon meetings--at least the ones I attended--degenerate into gripe sessions about the dreadful behavior of what each member will call "my alcoholic".  As in "my alcoholic came home drunk last night and peed in the bed, so I went and slept in the other room and made him clean it up in the morning."

Answer 5

Alanon is primarily for people who are enablers. since you entered the relationship after they got sober it may be a better idea to attend open meetings of AA. That way you could get an idea of what they are trying to become and how they deal with day to day issues of life while remaining sober.