I am depressed. How can I cheer up?

Question

I am 46 years old and mother of four kids(3 grown and a 3 year old), I have been married 20 years.My husband talks very little to me, no affection at all. He has gained so much weight in the past year(he weighs around 300) and doesn't seem to care about his weight or health. He snores so loudly I cannot sleep, He generally prefers my 3 year old to sleep with him and me in my sons bed. Our money is all separate, he divided my bills/his bills. I work as a live in/live out nanny from Sunday night to Friday evening for two very spoiled kids.I take my 3 year old with me. It pays fairly good but after paying all my bills which include college for my 19 year old, I am broke. I feel unloved and unimportant. My 3 year old is constantly saying "I love daddy, not mommy, I hate her." My 19 year old said my 3 year old hears it from my husband and mother-in-law. I know he's just 3, but I don't understand him saying that. He is so full of energy and mischief, I can barely keep up with him. (I was injured in 1994 and I am disabled...so I am really struggling with all these responsibilities). My father is 80 years old and I clean at his house twice a month and mow his grass. I keep the house where I am a nanny as well as my house where my husband is. I don't have much time for any relaxing. I do have lots of good friends and so I should not be so sad. But I just feel so glum. Any suggestions? I cannot afford counseling. I do not want medicine for depression.

Answer 1

I watched my mother go through something similar.  If the relationship is unhealthy, if your husband shows you no love or respect, and if a married couple if dividing bills and not helping one another out, then I'd say it's all but been known for a while how he feels.  Get a divorce.  Get out and live, you only live once.

Answer 2

wow you could get a  divorse, sorry but this guy kinda sounds like a jerk.  Or atleast maybe go badmouth him with your friends, thats alway a real eyeopener.

Answer 3

ok i'm broke ( headed for bankruptcy )  lonely out of work because i am caring for  my mom who has cancer  ( i was unemployed before but had to stop looking ) i have ptsd and i spend all day on comp

The meds are not great i am better off of them i lost insurance when job went

Answer 4

Divorce his ***!  Get a fresh start.  Join a friendly church or social group.  Do volunteer work.  Get some exercise.  I recommend swimming.  Join the YWCA.  Ride a bicycle.  In San Antonio I used to go to a free psychologist.  You say you have lots of friends; that is your best bet.  Use them for support.  Also self-help books are great.  I recommend "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Honestly from the looks of it the love in your relationship has died long ago and from here its just become a matter of staying together for the kids. I know that most parents feel that its wrong to divorce because its difficult on the children but in the reality its always for the best. In the beginning their going to feel awful and wonder why, but later on they'll realize it was for the best that two people don't stay together unhappily because the kids. Then again I'm not sure why your still with him, may it be fear of divorce or lack of money it will all work out in the end. I think you should take steps towards it, talk to him first and if he doesn't want to change the only choice you have may be divorce, it most certainly isn't fair to have you life your life in such a unloving environment. Divorce will be a big step so of course you must make prior arrangement before, like maybe moving in with a friend while you also look for a better job and save money.

Well, I think my answer was a bit confusing so sorry but I do hope things turn out better for you, I hate seeing people live in such terrible conditions.

Answer 6

you should talk to one of your friends you trust and maybe have a girls nite out wif ur friends.  

Answer 7

It might not sound like much, but one simple thing will change your life: PERSPECTIVE.  

Trust me.  Its half full.  : )

Good luck!

Answer 8

perhaps you need some good rest. in the beach, the swimming pool. hey take your kids as well. everyone has fun , right?

meditate might help - just breathe and relax your body. meditation doesn't require money and you can do it at home........ anywhere you feel comfortable...

Answer 9

If you have "lots of good friends," they should be able to help you.  You need help.  Seek out a counselor of some sort, something more than you could possibly get from Yahoo answers...

PS counselors don't necessarily have to cost money.  There are clergymen and social service people, not to mention volunteers...

Your 19-yr-old should be getting financial aid, scholorships, etc., not depending upon you (who obviously need help, yourself.)

Answer 10

JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

Answer 11

Im not going to comment on the divorce issue, but as for just the depression that you feel right now today how about a few simple things.

1. Count your blessing... you got 4 kids! You Matter to them.

2. Your Father is still alive to talk to, and hes getting old... means you are likely to live long too. You matter to him.

3. You got good friends. You are important in their lives.  You matter.

4. Try and get 8 hours sleep at consistent times.

5. Try and eat 3 good meals each day.

6. Even if you dont see it right now. Who you are is important. You matter.

Answer 12

sorry to hear all of this.  I really don't know what you can do. I have a suggestion, but you prob. won't like it.  First off...I'm almost 30 (I know you think I'm young and have my whole life...not true). I get caught up also...my parent's are very old and they are the only ones I have in life.  When they are gone...I will be very lonely and depressed...I know it, but you have to overcome these things. It's a part of life. I know your situation differs from mine, but honey....Just...wow...can you try to maybe take a vacation for yourself..maybe just three days or so...it would really help.  My mother is 69 and has to raise my brothers 4 kids, cuz he is a loser and I feel so bad for her. My dad is in the hospital with problems and Me and Mom have been going to see him everyday.  Life is hard.  It's not easy.  I mean honestly....I know how kids are...my bros. kid hates his family and he is only 3 yrs. old...it's amazing how kids can understand things like this.  He wants to stay with his mama...my mom...and it's hard with my dad and stuff.  I really wish I could give you more advice, but to me....I just think you need to take some time to yourself.  You deserve it!!!  h**l YES! ;)  You sound like you have your hands full.  If you can....get your g/f's together and go out just for a 3 or 4 day vacation.  It will make you feel better.  You aren't classified as depressed you are just overwhelmed.  Someone needs to step in and help you though.  That is nuts!  You need to ask someone for help or you have to quit your job or something....you are going to go insane if you don't.  You can't keep this up.  I really don't know what to suggest other than a vacation, but you are going to comeback to again...agony.  I feel bad...I wish I could help you more, but I have no idea.  This is one of the hardest questions I've had to answer, cuz I know where you are coming from.  I re-read your story again...Does your hubby work?  He sounds lazy, is he?  Your 3 yr. old is only saying that cuz of influences telling him that. Why isn't your hubby helping out with the bills? Gosh, I feel so bad.  Maybe...I mean I don't know....maybe you need to say to your husband or something...step up...or things have to change or something. Maybe it's time for a divorce. Do you love him anymore? I mean there are a lot of things to consider...this is a BIG problem you need to work out.  You need a night out it sounds like....lol....I'd love to take you out and just let you have a good time....you deserve it!  I mean honey...I really don't know what to say....other than that you need a little free time or a vacation. You have to have it!  I will close this for now...cuz I have no idea.....You can e-mail through here if you need more advice or what not or someone to talk to. I will be here to help you.  Have a good night/day. Don't be shy....just respond in the little box if you need to and I can talk to you more in an e-mail....Good Luck to you. Hope to hear from ya. Take care!