I am engaged but have feelings for my best friend!?

Question

I am 22 years old, and engaged to the guy I have been with for 3.5 years. I love him very much, and he is such a big part of my life and my family. We have been engaged for a year and plan to get married in another year or so.

I go to uni, and he works. One of the biggest flaws in our relationship is that we are not intellectually on the same wavelength. Now this has not much to do with schooling as such, as it does about being a well read individual with a broad general knowledge. I find that I cannot talk to him about things that interest me about the world: politics, history etc.. he has very limited interests as well. He likes sports, but that's as wide as his interests range. Wheras I am a well-rounded person with all kinds of interests.

I have a best friend, a guy at Uni. We do the same course and we are SOOO SIMILAR. We share many of the same interests and he is exactly on my wavelength. He makes me laugh and he intrigues me. He captivates me, and he stimulates me. More and more I have been feeling the "WANT" for him.

Just recently I have realised that my feelings for my best friend are deeper than I thought. I dream about him all the time. We exchange these looks, and I get the butterflies in the stomach.

I still love my fiancee and I feel that if I was to break it off with him, I would be devastated mostly because I am so used to him being around. He treats me so well, he loves me soooo much. I doubt anyone would be able to love me that much. He has become a member of my family. Life would change 110%.

Yet I feel like I haven't found the exact match for me. Even though I care about him immensely, I would love him to be everything my best friend is. I want him to view the world the way that I do.

What do I do?

Answer 1

Well i can imagine what you are going thru right now. It is always said that what they eye doth not see the heart will not grieve about. The problem is that I sincerely doubt if your uni crush would be able to love you the way your fiancee does. And my dear, in marriage, it goes beyond your likes and his likes. It is a deep feeling of affection that only you can interpret. In any case, you cannot force your fiancee into the shoes of your uni crush, because people are different. More often than not, those perfect matches are distractions. I am a Pastor and a councellor. I have seen it happen overtime . When one is ready to go, several distracting thoughts come and then you get confused. This can be likened to lion after a zebra. Zebra does not have good defence except to run. But the lion runs aswell. So zebras will wait and watch when they see that their brother is getting tired, a group of zebra will run in between the lion and the tired zebra. And because they are all striped, the lion will get confused on the actual one it was after and pursue a fresh one who will wear him out. Be content with what you have. Nevertheless, if you still feel strongly that he is not what you want, please opt out early so that you dont lead him on and then begin to feel guilty conscience. In a nutshel, be sure of what you want. God be with you i.e. if you believe in him.

Answer 2

If you are having feelings for someone else, then there is something very important missing from your present relationship.  You should not eve consider getting married until you know for sure that you will be able to live without the thing that is missing.  Do not expect your future hubby to change after marriage.  The truth is that if anyone changes after marriage, it is only because they want to.  They may try to change for you, but eventually they will get tired of faking it, and go back to the way they feel most comfortable.  

Maybe you need some time away from your bf to think about things.  A vacation away might give you the opportunity to consider this next step.  Don't ever go into a marriage unless you feel that you can deal with your partner's faults for the REST OF YOUR LIFE, which is a very long time!!!  Read those vows and mean every word you say, or your marriage will not be a successful one.

Answer 3

Tell your fiance what is going on! He won't be mad that you feel that way. Maybe he will change himself so that you 2 can save your relationship. I was put in a same situation. My best friend was a guy and he was always there for me! Made me laugh, and we got aong so well. In fact better then my fiance and i. But then when I realize that I was falling for the friends I told my fiance first thing. And he changed himself just to be with me. He is very much attached to my family also. So take it into consideration. Communicating is a big thing.

Answer 4

I am also 22 year old but I am not engaged

but i am ready to best friend for you

  

Answer 5

i know this is a tempting decision for you but your are a married woman. when you married your husband you made a commitment to be partners for life. now I'm sure there are a lot of funny guys that can tempt you but when ever you think about your best friend think of what might happen if you marry him. and what might happen if you don't...

i say you should forget about your best friend. because some one might get hurt if you get with him. you have a husband that loves you be happy that you made the right choice.

i hope you make the right decision.