I am feeling a little betrayed but should I be ?

Question

It all started last year my husband and I was going to rent a house to a relative and we found out the relative didnt have any income the job she had was all bogus and she had really wanted the house and rented a uhaul to move and everything before she signed the lease and we said not to until we checked out everything ...I think her intentions was to get in the house before we could check and see she was lying . but she was busted and the house was a no go but she got mad and got my sister in law invoved and they was calling our house threating to shoot us calling my husbands job saying he was selling drugs and his job knew it wasnt true and just considerd the source my husband is older and has been there almost 25 years and they know him very well. they called child protection on me and that was hilarous bcause i am very capable of taking care of my child ... they called and threatened to do all of these things before they actually did them so i called the police and let the police listein to the answering machine and the cop that came laughed at all of it { he is a close family freind and he knows better then all the stuff that she was saying} he also knows she is a drunk and likes to cause trouble but it was very hurtful had my husband and I not been the people we are that could of been a very bad situation ....When in return all of the things she said about us she was doing and they came back and bite her in the butt... That is why my husband wanted to help her out he even told her this would be a starter house for her to get back on track but if we found out she was lying to us then the house nad everything woud be gone .... My husband and I promised each other we was done dealing with them { his sister mainly} anyhow I have seen her several times and I walk away I dont speak to her because she really hurt me by doing all of those things there was way more things and some are to bad to even tell ...... anyway my husband saw her and gave in and started talking to her again and now she is looking at me like haha .. I dont want to bring it up to my husband but at the same time if i had done something like that he would divorce me i know he would ... I mean she made a ton of false allagations and as far as shooting us the women that called and said those things is facing time right now for pulling a gun on a child so i dont doubt she would have done it .. i just want my husband to see the light i know he loves his sister but she aint right what do I do ? what do I say ?do I tell him I feel betrayed

Answer 1

I wouldn't be feeling a "little" betrayed. I'd go into a blind rage and would rip his *** up one side and down the other.  

Answer 2

wow this is one mixed up sitch. I'd advise you to divorce this guy. He won't side against his sister.

Answer 3

If it were me, I would tell him to pick---either her you you.  You refuse to allow that thing in your life.  

My younger sister has been cut out of my life for many years now.  My older sister did the same, and now all of my cousins have cut her off too.  Some people are pure evil and if you allow them back in over and over and over----it is YOUR fault that you got burned again because YOU allowed it to happen.  

I would NEVER allow that, and if my husband even tried, he knows his hiney is out on the street too.  Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and stand your ground.  You both made an agreement and I say he sticks to it.  

Answer 4

You have to tell your husband to stay away from this devil.Thank God you didn't rent her the house.She sounds like a crackhead. Is there anyway you could move away? As for the threats,get a witness or proof to this. If she is not in jail at this time, you should carry protection;Mace,Taser,or whatever you are comfortable with using.  

Answer 5

I would feel as you do, but he is also in a hard position.  

Let me present another perspective:

He grew up with a sister.  They probably fought, played, fought, talked, conspired... all that stuff that siblings do.  She knows exactly how to manipulate him from years and years of trying. She also knows his parents, his memories, his childhood pets... she is his connection to his youth.  When our parents are gone all we have left is siblings.  No matter how rotten they are, it sometimes feels like our past cannot be valid unless someone else remembers it, too.  She is that someone.  That makes her an inexorable part of your husband's life.

What she did was HORRIBLE and, if I were in your position, I would call it unforgivable.  She deserves a restraining order.  That is the rational way to look at her behavior.

But he has an emotional connection to her that goes back to having shared a womb, meals, parents, pets, childhood homes... get me?  If he gives her up, he gives up a huge part of his identity.

STILL, you have to talk to him about your feelings.  He has to stand up for you.  He must tell her that she was wrong and above all, never fall into her drama again.  He has to set boundries, he has to make it clear that you are both worth more than that.

Be honest with him and it might be worth a battle to make it clear to him (and yourself) that you are standing up for yourself even if he does not. but understand that you might not win this battle and it won't be because he doesn't love you, it's because he needs to be connected to the man he was before you knew him.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Well, you can't pick your family.  So there is that.

I think you should still tell him you feel betrayed.  Maybe he will agree and stop, or maybe you will just have to work it out, but at least you two can understand each other.  If it is truly affecting your life at this point (you have to spend real time around her/deal with her, or she continues to actively try to s***w you over, something worse than dirty smirks), that's when I think it's going too far.  If it's just him talking to her, fine.  I would never ever give her the house at this point, she already burned that bridge.

Don't be so sure that he would divorce you over something similar.  That's a pretty drastic measure for just talking to somebody.

I am really surprised that he is associating with her after all these terrible things happened.  Did she even apologize?  Did she swear up and down that she wouldn't pull stunts like that again?  Did she get on the wagon?  I mean those are things she could do to start talking again.

She does sound like a crazy sociopath to me.  I don't blame you for feeling sick about it.

Answer 7

hun i would chuckie on him with a chainsaw=), u better tell him how you feel now.

Answer 8

are you kidding??? TELL YOUR HUSBAND EVERYTHING, thats what a husband is for, family or not!! YOU ARE YOUR HUSBANDS FAMILY!!

You need to be as far away from this person as possible and if your husband listens to you and loves you, he will go along with you!!

Answer 9

whew! that was a lot. i understand why you feel betrayed, but dealing with family is always a tricky situation. you have to respect the fact that even though she did some crazy sh*t, to your husband, she'll always be his sister.  i'd be pissed about it, but i'd still stand behind my husband. let him know that you feel a little betrayed, but that you support his decision. you don't have to have anything to do with the sister, let him deal with her.

Answer 10

You pretty much said it, your husband loves his sister.  Unfortunately he will no doubt get stung over and over.  Stand your ground and let him know that you do feel betrayed and that you are definitely not going to be friends with her after all she has put you through.  When he has had enough of her he will wash his hands of her.  Its just a matter of time before she makes him mad again.