4 years ago I had this time of my life which was pretty crazy, and I thought it was because I was making a lot of money, that lasted for about 4 months, but went away and i was normal. Anyways 2 years ago I fell into a very depressive stage. I didn't know what to do and I went to the doctor for depression.
He diagnosed me as bipolar type 1. I told him to go **** himself trying to make money off me by diagnosing me with some crazy disorder when its simply depression....i was young and naive before, but i now have a better understanding of things...
Well, this feeling from 4 years ago is back...but 10 times worse.... and im not making a lot of money either.... i think the doctor was right.....
Its gotten pretty bad because i can't think rationally.. I am doing things that are hurting people around me. I already lost a few friends and my sister doesn't talk to me anymore... i do things, then 10 minutes to 3 days later i realize what i did was COMPLETELY wrong. The guilt kills me so much, and then i go to apoligize and they tell me to **** off.....Its not only with people, my decision making skills are absolute c**p right now. When driving I think of the safest way to do something and most dangerous... and i do the dangerous one......i pick non-important things over important things then realize that missed something very important....
I can't stop, also i am very horny for some odd reason, more than usual.....its like my body is in overdrive and i keep doing things i regret. I have a lot of regret.
I live on my own and don't have money like i did 4 years ago to visit a doctor.
I feel that i must stay indoors and not go hang out with friends, meet new people, and even visit my parents and brothers.....my brothers also think im half wacked crazy..........and they are still pretty young...............
While im at it, does this sound like mania? I guess im a jackass for ignoring the doctor.....
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