I am getting depressed because my husband.....?

Question

So My husband and i are having some issues minor ones but he is a very different man. he is somewhat cold, he doesnt open up much, he doesnt like to argue or talk about things because HE ALWAYS HAS TO BE RIGHT, i have put a very big part of my heart into this relationship i have put some back bone and sweat into this marriage but im feeling like im failing him and i am at work and i am doing my work but i cant help but feel like i need to cry and scream.. i try to talk to him at home, during work, during s*x and nothing seems to work. he tells me not to try so hard to let him just see things but im afraid that by the time he does open his eyes i will give up... what can i do?

Answer 1

Quit pressuring him and suggest marriage counseling.

I mean what kind of problems do you have?

You never gave any?

You knew he was like this before you married him.He is not a highly emotional guy and EVERYONE wants to be right all the time not just him, but you too if you are honest.Be willing to be honest and say "I was wrong" if you are or prove he is wrong.

Next he is NOT your g/f,quit trying to turn him into your g/f.

If he isn't abusive then accept him as is.

As far as talking to him about thing, NOT during s*x, that REALLY kills the mood,UNLESS it is about s*x.

Answer 2

It sounds like you are pressuring him too much.  Men are really simple creatures.  Read the book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura.  If you want to do so much talking about relationships and stuff do that with your girlfriends.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Well the first thing...don't talk about problems or anything other than s*x during s*x. Trying to talk to him at work could impact his job performance and distract him from what is bringing money into your household. Both of those must frustrate the c**p out of him. It sounds like you're nagging him about stuff, which does the opposite of what you want. You're just going to have to be calm and firm and tell him what's bother you and make sure that he knows it's important to you. Then wait a few weeks and see if he improves. If he doesn't mention that you were serious when you spoke with him and that the end result in him not complying is going to be you two separating or seeking counseling.

Answer 4

No matter how hard you try, if he don't open up, you can't force it. I tried with my wife. The harder I tried, the tougher the resistances. I know u r desparate to resolve the issues. It fustrate you at work by constantly thinking about it. It just drive you nuts and deeper into depressions...Only way to get your self out of it is to keep yourself busy with works...Eventually, he will turn around and talk to you if you show no interest in him. Consoueling also help too..

Answer 5

give him his space..you might want to try not asking him whats wrong or anything because sooner or later he will tell you..the same thing happened with me and my husband until he couldn't hold it in no more just tell him that you're there for him ad when he needs someone to talk to you're available.  

Answer 6

same issues with my spouse. Failing to admit when she's wrong. Even when it's blatant.

And there's a lot more too. Let it suffice to say that this attitude of hers is seen by those around us so when and if the end finally comes no one can say I didn't make the effort to try and make things work.

Answer 7

You need to listen to what he said and take it for what it's worth. Stop trying to so hard. You are wearing yourself out and then when he does need you you aren't going to be there for him emotionally.

Answer 8

How about you try listening to him? He said not to try so hard to let him just see things.

Answer 9

Take his advice. If he loves you he will be more apt to open up when you aren't forcing him but are just being the fun cool women he married. Rather than focus on his coldness, focus on showing him how s**y and comforting you are. It isn't that you aren't trying, you are just pushing him too much. Just back off and focus on what you can do to make him feel trusting and loving towards you. Reflect on the things he used to love about you and rekindle them. Peace and Love! Good Luck!

Answer 10

Don't allow yourself to get lost in this. It will affect your job, like mine did. Then I lost my job because I could not focus. Now, it is even harder for me to move on because of finances. Mine does not like to talk either. Sooner or later, I see myself leaving. As, I can't live like this. I myself am unhappy. But, God forbid he really share his feelings. He says that I get all defensive, so we only talk about superficial bull now. I just feel us falling further and further apart. My advise, is to not focus so much on him and try to take care of you. Develop an I DON"T CARE attitude. Be strong. Time will tell if this is a temp situation. Don't wait forever to expect happiness to reappear. Good luck dear. BE TRUE to yourself. You are not crazy. You are dealing with a male. They are taught to not express emotions. Bummer.

Answer 11

He already knows how you operate: that you will always be the one to initiate the talk, all he has to do is sit back and watch you go crazy. Don't make it easy on him and don't let him know you're stessing out. As bad as you wish you could, you can not make a person talk if they don't want to. The more you keep coming, the less he'll do. It's hard because you two obviously have different styles of "communicating" and I'm sure resolution is very important to you. You have nothing to lose by backing off a bit. You don't see him stressing do you?