I am getting married in 7 months. 2nd marriage for both. Is it appropriate to ask for money in lieu of gifts?

Question

We don't have much money for a honeymoon and would really love to have one. Neither one of us had a honeymoon with our first marriage - so this would be really special to us if our guests could contribute towards that. We are wanting to know if it is appropriate to make such request, and if so.... how can that be worded?

Answer 1

Now they have honeymoon registries that are free for you, and people just add money to it and it helps pay for your honeymoon. Asking money is very rude, most people give money nowadays if you are not registered. But if the purpose of asking for it is to pay for the honeymoon, just find a website to register for your honeymoon

Answer 2

No, it's not appropriate as was mentioned by several posters..

And in answer to the posting about Italians pinning money and etc, the thing is that Italians usually automatically give money as a wedding present, there is no need to ask for it.  

Answer 3

NO NO NO!

Your both should remember

that most give money anyway!!!

Answer 4

Hi.  Do NOT listen to "nickname."  It is NEVER appropriate to ask for money.  This question gets asked lots on here.

I sympathize with your desire to have a honeymoon, but it should not be funded by your guests.

How to get around it?  Simply DO NOT register anywhere for gifts.  Once your guests see that you are not registered at any of the local retailers, then, hopefully, they will give you a card with cash/check!  It's that easy!  However, do not be disappointed as some people DO like to give a gift.

But, it is never appropriate to request money and there is no cute or appropriate way to do that.

Answer 5

I asked this same question about a month ago.  The consensus was that it was not okay to ask for gifts.  The top suggestions was not to register and use word of mouth.  My fiance's told her mother to spread the word that we were not registered....and if anyone want to give a gift, then a gift certificate or cash would be best.

Believe it or not, most people will get you a wedding card with cash in it to begin with.

Answer 6

Since you've been married before, most of your friends and family know that you already have all the "things" you need.  Right?  You *can* mention to your very closest family members that you don't need more "things" because you have what you need and don't have room for more.  Many of the people who would give gifts are going to understand that a check or a gift card will be more usable to you and your fiance, and if they ask the family for hints the family will confirm that "things" aren't needed.

If you consult the etiquette books, you will find that it is NEVER appropriate to ask for gifts OR for money.  Besides, most people don't give wedding gifts until very close to the wedding.  Do you really want to wait until the day after the wedding to know whether or not you have money to go on a honeymoon?

I understand that neither of you had a honeymoon before.  But if you can't afford to pay for one this time, you really shouldn't expect your guests to pay for it, either.

Answer 7

Asking for 'anything' is rude, and especially these two things you mention.

If you two can't afford a honeymoon yourselves, then you delay it.

You should be asking guests just to witness your vows and celebrate with you, not making demands on what they should get you. Please leave it to them to decide.

Answer 8

Just explain to all tour family and friends how much it would mean to you both, how can they not agree !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

I think it would be fine. Just make sure its tactfully written.  Most people give money when they dont know what the couple want anyways.  Just say your not registered at any dept store. And that your saving for a honeymoon.  People will get the hint.  Also ask for address and email addy's so you can send a picture to share of your specail place. Really, its not inappropriate at all. People would rather give you something you really need or want then to give you that 10th toaster you dont need.

Answer 10

Asking for money is never appropriate.  Because this is your second wedding, it's not appropriate to register at all.  

Answer 11

be honest and tell your closest friends and family. its no different from a gift registry.  who knows, maybe there is a registry for this sort of thing.  as to how to word it, it seems that word of mouth may be the most delicate way.  

"so, where are you going for your honeymoon?"

"We dont know, we were kinda hoping that if we get enough gift money (Cause some folks will just give cash) that we would be able to take one.  it would be really nice to finally have one."

Answer 12

Sweetie we live in 2008, ignore all the people saying its inappropiate. Most people that live by those standards are super old and won't come to the wedding any way and will just send you money. Register on honeyluna.com  People can "buy " you fun things to do on your honeymoon. It's just as good as money. Congrats!!  I just got married two months ago( his second).And being married is awesome!

Answer 13

Sorry, it's never approriate to ask for money as gifts, and actually since it's a 2nd wedding for both of you, gifts are not supposed to be given, since it's the 2nd.

Answer 14

Sorry, But to say it is inappropriate to ask for money rather than gifts is just not true. Italians pin money to the brides dress!

It is just in how you word it. Perhaps say that you have everything you want and would like donations towards your honeymoon.

Wishing Wells are a good idea, they can be bought or made for the wedding reception. You can also have a honeymoon registry where you book a holiday and guests pay money towards it, directly to the travel agency as their gift.

Honeymoon registries and wishing wells are common these days where people are getting married later and aren't "setting up home".

EDIT: I agree with Christine, If I am spending thousands of dollars on a wedding YOU BET I want gifts.

For all those who say it is rude to ask for anything, I say it is MUCH ruder to turn up at a wedding, eat the free food, drink the free alcohol and bring nothing for the bride and groom.

I would NEVER turn up at a wedding without a gift, and I would not be in the least bit offended if the bride and groom asked for money instead.

Answer 15

It is NEVER appropriate to "ask for money". That means you are assuming that people want to give you gifts. Gifts are not a REQUIREMENT, they are given out of love and respect for a couple that they wish to honor. I hardly think I would want to "honor" anyone who a)wants something they can't afford, b) expects others to pay for it, and then c) asks people to chip in for this extravagance. ESPECIALLY for a second marriage. Maybe you should have saved up before you set the date, or just had a holiday planned and paid for and then a simple low-cost ceremony beforehand. You still have 7 months so cut out the pizzas and take-out chicken, trim down your lifestyle, cheapen down your wedding, and get REAL!! You both made mistakes, both got divorced and then luckily found each other. So MOVE ON AND DON'T EXPECT OTHER PEOPLE TO PAY FOR YOUR MISTAKES OR YOUR FANTASIES.

**Edit add-on: I really have to laugh at people who say "It's 2008, dearie.., etc."...times don't change the need for good manners and MANNERS never go out of style. Just because some people chew with their mouths full, wear baseball caps to the table or pass gas in company,doesn't mean it's acceptable. To some people it's just easier to be a low-class boor. All depends where you want to go in life. do you want people to talk TO you, or "about " you? Do you want to be on guests lists or blackballed lists? Seems it would be better to be a standup comedian if people are laughing at you - not a bride.

Answer 16

No, it is never appropriate to ask guests for money. You should plan a honeymoon that you can afford. Your guests are there to celebrate with you; they are not a source of income.

Honestly, most people are going to give you cash anyway. But it's completely rude and tacky to ask them for it.  

Answer 17

Personally I don't think you should ask for anything. To ask for a gift is rude...however, you could put an insert in your invites that says you have a honeymoon account and give information where if they do choose to give you a gift, they have that as an option. Kind of like a registry. Do you have a honeymoon registry account? There's plenty of agencies that can set one up for you!

Congrats!

Answer 18

Why not do a honeymoon registry?!?!  It's a new idea that's gaining in popularity!  You register for all the components of a fabulous honeymoon and your guests put money towards it!  I put links to 2 honeymoon registry sites below:

Answer 19

Its ok to ask just tell them that you putting to away for something really special and it means alot to you.

They will understand.

Answer 20

Sorry but it is never appropriate to ask for money in lieu of gifts, as gifts or anything.  People are not really obligated to bring a gift and you certainly cannot dictate what sort of gift to bring.  To ask the guests to pay for your honeymoon is tacky beyond words and never ever appropriate.

Answer 21

It's called a wishing well. You can put this on the back of your invitations and mail it along with a beautifully embroidered envelope so they will know. It is very classy and ask a party or wedding store about it. I'm sure they aren't that expensive. Good Luck and Congratulations.

Answer 22

No, it's not appropriate to ask for gifts or money. It's considered vulgar by traditionalists.

It's especially not polite since it's a second wedding. Rules of etiquette for second marriages are different from those of first. Traditionalists may not give gifts at all to those getting married for a second time. Gifts for a first wedding were meant to help set up a household. Your households should already be set up by now.

The best bet seems to be word-of-mouth. When someone asks, just state that you'd like contributions towards a honeymoon.

Answer 23

2nd marriage? What are you going ask for the 3rd? Look sister ask for people to show up!!

Answer 24

Asking for money is fine. I know two people who are getting married and who have ask for contributions to their Maui honeymoon fund. If you don't ask for what you want you are not going to get it. So, ask away.  

Answer 25

A gift should never be requested or expected.

Answer 26

Second marriage.  You should be happy if people show up.  Don't expect gifts of any kind, unless you gave a refund to the people who gave gifts at the first wedding.  In fact you should ask people not to give gifts.  Most people haven't paid for the gifts they gave you the first time.  Just be happy you have a second chance to do it right.  

Answer 27

You have to be very careful doing this. SOme people have very strong opinions about it. First off, you NEVER mention gifts on the invitation, not even registry info. People will ask family members and people in the wedding party (and maybe you) where you are registered. Not registering anywhere usually sends the message that you want cash. You can tell your close family members and wedding party that if anyone asks, they can be told there is no registry, and if they choose to give a gift, anything would be appreciated. If you wish you can have them politely mention that gift cards to ____ store or cash would be appreciated if they wish to give you something. SOme people will still buy gifts, so you may want to register anyways. I am sure there are some things you need around the house, and then you won't end up with useless junk. There are honeymoon registries, but some people get offended if you ask them to pay for your vacation. It is best to let word out quietly through word of mouth. Anything else risks offendeing people, and even that can lead to confusion and angry guests.