I am having a hard time getting along with my mom after our first baby's birth. Any advice? Help?

Question

While we have always maintained a cordial relationship, we are not best buddies or anything even close. Since the birth of our baby, her only grandchild, she has been so much more high strung, passive aggressive, acting strange, irritable, etc. so much so that when she is around the baby I am nervous.

She always acts like people are attacking her personally, so she sulks a lot if something doesn't go her way. Like, for example, today she came over and insisted that she didn't want to hold the baby all the while basically salivating over her. Then the baby had to burp so I took the baby and began to burp her. As soon as I had the baby she asked if she could hold her. I told her to wait just a second while I burped the baby and then offered the baby to her. She said, "Oh no, you just keep her" and walked away passive aggressively. So I did walk away and didn't give her the baby because I didn't want to sit there and suck up to her saying, "Oh no, you take her" etc. What should I do with this nutty situation?

Answer 1

Maybe you should try to talk to her, if she gets upset I would leave her alone until she understood what she was doing. She cant act like that for the rest of your lives.

Answer 2

It sounds to me like your mom is jealous. She is probably used to being the attention-getter in the family and now she has some competition. I think it seems pretty clear that she loves her grandchild, but I think she is torn between that love and her own feeling that she is being neglected. Try to find ways to make both of you happy. Put your daughter in the swing or exersaucer and leave the room- that way, your mother can get the baby herself. It saves you the trouble of arguing with her and she'll probably become more comfortable. Good luck!

Answer 3

you should tell her how you feel. if she is going to act like that now, she will probably end up telling you how to raise your child. she sounds like a master manipulator. you need to tell her to please stop acting the way she is, and if she cant, tell her that she cant be around your child. im sure she wants to be around the baby and she would comply with you.

Answer 4

I agree that her behaviour is a little strange.

However, families are changing.  A hundred years ago the Grandmother of a new baby had an important role in the family - her job was to pass along to the new mother all her knowledge and skill with babies - about feeding, sleeping, establishing routines, how to bathe and dress the baby.  

Grandmothers were a valuable resource for every new mother.  Today, things are different, we have the net, websites like this one, plus we know so much more these days about infant nutrition, child psychology and development.

If I were you I would take a little time to welcome your mother in to your circle - you and the baby, this is a very special time for you, but it is also supposed to be a wonderful time for your mother and this is an opportunity for you two to become closer.

As a Grandmother myself, I can tell you that we don't have a clearly defined role any more, I have lots of experience with children, but I have to wait to be asked my opinion by my daughter and daughters-in-law.