I am having a hard time understanding the "hard done too" adoptees on here, is it an American thing coz in

Question

England adoptive parents have to go through h**l to adopt a child! maybe if the Americans were a bit tougher on who they give kids out too ppl wouldnt be so bitter? whats ya thoughts?

Answer 1

It might surprise you to know....

1) That it does not matter what kind of childhood an adoptee had (good, ok, bad).  

2) Nor is it a direct reflection on an adoptees a-parents(good aparents does not automatically mean adoptee is supportive of the adoption industry) (bad aparents does not automatically mean adoptee is against the adoption industry)

Adoptees are grown ups and free to have independent thoughts on whether they support or oppose the current adoption  industry in America.

One more time, Adoptees can form their own opinions on the adoption industry independent of their upbringing and independent of their aparents treatment of them.

I do not find Adoptees here bitter. Yesterday, you were the one spreading venom.  What's the matter, you didn't have a very good childhood?

snarkity snark snark snark........

Answer 2

What does the state in which I was adopted refusing to give me equal treatment under the law have to do with the type of people who adopted me?

ETA:

Mom5grlz -- You're great.  LOLOLOL!!  Love it.

Answer 3

I would imagine its more a case of only seeing the negatives.  People tend to moan more than praise and if they have a chip on their shoulder would use the 'adoption' part of their life as the reason for all their woes.

There will be hundreds of thousands of perfectly happy 'adoptees' out there but they don't feel the need to talk about it.

I can't see it being an 'American' thing either.  People the (western) world over will always find something the whinge about and somebody else to blame for their miserable lives.

Answer 4

I think that people are going to complain about their situation no matter what.  My parents have adopted one boy and are in the process of adopting two more boys.  I think it is important to distinguish between kids that are older...removed from their biological parents....put in foster care for a while...and then adopted, as opposed to infants who are adopted at birth.  I know that the laws of adoption are really strict here and they have gotten more strict after 9/11.  My parents adopt older kids who have been placed in our home through foster care.  I think in this situation it is really hard on the kids.  Some have been through years of neglect and when they come to your home it is hard to just transition to a normal life.  A lot of times they don't realized how messed up they are before they see what a normal family is like, and it is easy for them to blame the adoptive parents.  All I know is that in my case...my parents are amazing people.  They have improved the quality of these kid's lives tremendously and they love my parents for it.

Answer 5

well if I was an adoptee and had to read day after day some of the c**p that gets stirred up here and all the sarcasm from a select few....I would get wound up as well....so your friend had a good adoption...that's great...but others no matter where you live are not so lucky...maybe if certain ppl would stop spitting out insults etc and actually read experiences of adoption from more then one person...they would see that sometimes being adopted is not all that great...and has a huge impact on ones life....I have within my own family seen the affects of adoption...from both sides..one being a child taken away and placed for adoption years and years ago...and a cousin who is adopted....and in no way would I ever tell my mother or cousin to get over their loss and pain....some ppl need to look outside the box...and if they were not taught to respect anothers feelings...well then it's about time they learned

Answer 6

I'm in the UK and would think the USA would have really tight rules on adoption...are you saying that the USA don't?could you elaborate your question more..who,s bitter?

Answer 7

I was adopted, in the UK, and I certainly wouldn't blame my adoptive parents for my being a fuckup! That's all my own work, thanks very much.

Answer 8

It is very tough here too!  All of the adoptive parents I know adore their children....

Answer 9

The adoption laws in the US are very strict, and it's not an easy thing to adopt a child at all.  The process is long and exhausting.  Many adoptive parents in the US, provided they have the means, actually opt to adopt from outside the US because the process is so difficult here.  That said, I think there are many children in the US who are with their birth parents and are unappreciative of them.  They might also cite that they had "bad" parents.  For some reason, many (not all) young people in the US have developed a serious sense of entitlement, and they become resentful if parents place real life expectations on them rather than act as helicopter parents, catering to their every whim.  The concept of bad parenting is subjective, and the idea of what it encompasses generally changes with age.  I would wonder what the age of the people complaining was.  If they're younger, they're probably just the folks I described.  This mentality, however, is not isolated to adopted children.  And, yes, there are actually bad parents out there but in the grand scheme of things they are in the minority.

Answer 10

In one question you referred to an adopted child as an "ungrateful little T#*T."

I think that is why you get the responses you do.

There are plenty of happy, adjusted, pleased to have been adopted adults and children here across the pond.

I don't think you're from England though...your grammar and spelling isn't good enough.

Clique not click...who they give they give kids to, not too.

And trust me, as an adoption social worker, Americans go through h**l here too.

There are people who freely admit they have had happy childhoods and wonderful childhoods in their adoptive homes, but still feel a sense of loss at being adopted...it isn't because they had bad adoptive parents in everycase.