I am having a hard time with greving with my grandma and aunt who died in 03/04?

Question

So it may seem strage. But first let me tell you this. With both my grandma and my aunt didn't have any sort of memorial service. We went to my grandmothers grave and that was it, four years ago. My aunt had no service at all, and no marker. She was my great aunt, but she was also my favorite and closest and would always take care of my brother and I, would take us places and spend lots of time with us. Even when she moved to SC she still would take us for a few weeks. She was lots of fun. My gma was also my great gma, but we saw her every weekend or so and we'd all just chill at her house or take her and my other aunt shopping.

Anyways. I was in NC/ SC visting family (my direct gparents, son of my g gma) when my grandmother got really sick and had to be taken to the hosptial. My grandparents and I rushed back to Ohio hours later. She was there a couple weeks. My parents had a trip to PA planned and she told us to go. So we did, she died while we were on the trip. Which I feel terrible about becuase we weren't there her last few days. We were some of her favorite family members. My mom and dad did so much for her. My dad who was married in, was loved and trusted my my gma so much that she put him and truste on her checking account and bills. I liked that. She died in Aug of 03

My aunt, on of the gma daughters, was 56 when she got really sick. She was taken to the hosptial and nearly died a few times. They told her she had the flesh eating bacteria! She started getting better over time. I went to visit her a few times even though she was in SC. She was looking much better, was getting skin grafts, starting thereapy ect ect, when got worse. She died a day after my moms birthday in Feb of 04.

Yesterday was the first time I was out in the area where my gma lived and my aunt grew up, I was working a catered event. It was hard for me just driving down the streets and being on the lake where we used to always go. I took a drive by my gmas old house and went though the ally behind it. There was whindchimes of hers still hanging there, after 5 years!

All of this, goiong back to her town and not ever learning how to deal with their deaths is really starting to add up. I've heard sometimes when someone else a person is close to passes they take it extra hard becuase they haven't dealt with the other past deaths.

Thats what will happen to me. I still don't know how to deal. Its akward for me to see my cousins or other aunts. I don't talk about it hardly with my parents and very rarley with my boyfriend. Sometimes if I am not thinking straight I'll think "o, I want to go visit aunt jan" or soemthing to do with her.

What do I do? We are taking flowers to my grandma today.

Sorry this is so long. I was 14/15 when this happend and it seems stupied but the last couple months I've been having a hard time.

Thanks so much.

Answer 1

There is no easy way to get over a death.  I dont think you can giving the circumstances of how things went.  My favorite Uncle (grandmas brother) use to take me to school and pick me up and he'd even stop at the store to buy me junks everyday, when I got old he'd let me use his car, and baked all my birthday cakes since I could remember, I also remember he'd make funny faces all the time.  Well he started getting heart problems and went to the hospital where he had to stay and I remember him saying "I just like go home, I like fried bananas".  And all I could think of was taking him home. One day before I was going to school (college) I stopped at the hospital and sat and watched Wheel of fortune with him (it was his fav. show), before I left I hugged him and told him I loved him (it was the first time I ever did that).  so after school on my way home I was riding the bus and was thinking of stopping and I didn't as I passed the hospital.  That night my mom came in to my house and said Uncle died.  Every now and then I think to myself why didn't I just get off the bus to see him.  

Living in Hawaii we have what we call Kupunas who can see our family who has passed.  I met this Aunty a year ago and I asked her how my Uncle was doing?  She then asked me which one and I said William.  She then looked in the back of me as if there were lots of people and said "well show yourself" next she started laughing and said he was making faces.  She also told me not to worry because all they feel is Bliss.

Im sorry this is long but I hope it makes you feel better.

Answer 2

wow.  let first send my condolences.  my mom passed when I was 7 and I didn't 'deal' with it until I was in my late 20's.  you HAVE to go throught the grieving process.  or it WILL effect every aspect of you life until you do.  I would suggest checking your local papers or yellow pages for groups that help with grieving.  in PA there is a place called the caring place.  it helps children through the grieving process when they have suffered a loss.  although they deal specifically with children, they maybe able to direct you to a similar program for adults.  the number is 4125443000.  another thing that may help you move to the next stage of grieving is to have a memorial for them.  it can something small like going to a body of water and tossing in flowers in their memory or a familt get together in their honor.  let yourself weep.  crying is cleansing to the soul.  hold on to the memories of them.  I wish you the best of luck...

Answer 3

no hon it is not stupid

i lost my daughter after mothers day this year

i too hurt very bad and having a hard time

it is some times hard to cope the lost of a loved one

but they would not want you to be sad .

as hard as it may be you being young i hope you over come their death

i would,n my my son to be sad and i know they wouldn,t want you too

just try think of all the fun times you had to gether  this is what they would want \ i know the pain  , the emptiness,the heart ace the loneliness  but please you must not feel gulity find pease with in your self  and be happy    

Answer 4

It isn't stupid. It is just the way you grieve. My dad died back in 1991. I was 15.

This month would have been his birthday, next month the anniversary of his death,and the following month,I had a miscarriage that same year.

It is always extremely hard on me this time of year, but this year I am living back in the same area and see my mom often and it is taking its toll. I have been moodier, have crying spells and despite the fact that it has been almost 17 years, I still can't force myself to go to the cemetery. The only time I have been there is for other funerals.

The only advice I have is take it day by day. The pain and grief may never completely go away, but it really does get better with time.

Sorry for your losses.