I am having a lot of trouble with my 3 1/2 yr. old listening to me.?

Question

Every time I tell my son to do something, like picking up toys or cleaning up a spill he did or anything else. I will ask him to clean and he tells me "NO" and just looks at me smiling and will walk away. I have tried sitting down with him and letting him know that to please listen to mommy, it's just not working. He just started Pre-K 3, and on the 2nd day of school, the teacher told me that I need to talk to him about following directions. Please can someone give me a very good idea of what can I do to get my son to listen.

Answer 1

Let me tell you that you aren't alone.  I have an almost 4 yr old.  He doesn't listen either.  We have been taking him to a child physicologist (not for not listening) as his Grandpa died in December, and he is still having problems with it.  I did ask her about the not listening...she said it is very common.  We have renewed using punishemtn and reward.  Punishment being a time out (which is finished when the timer dings) and rewards when he doesn what he is told.  We talk calmly, and it seems to work so far.  

Answer 2

hmm ok if he does not obey you lock him up in his room and then he will learn that saying no is bad but when u lock him up in his room u may feel bad or u can hit him then he well understand saying no is bad good luckYY

Answer 3

You give a request to the child and repeat once, then pick him up and put in in time out (chair, sit in corner) and without giving eye contact say, You do not tell me NO.  If he gets up, pick him up and put him back.  Do the same if he walks away when you make a request.  

Putting a small rug on the floor works well.   Set a time for THREE minutes then repeat the request.  If he does not comply, start the timer over OR if he gets up and tries to leave.  Remember NO eye contact.  No negotiation!

You and the teacher have to respond in the same manner consistently.  

Do you read to your son?  That is teaching him listening skills.  When reading, say good listening when you ask a question like what color is the ball, etc.  

His NO and walking away is an avoidance behavior for a non-preferred activity like picking up the goys or cleaning up a mess.  Make sure when he does comply with the request you give verbal praise, good job picking up the toys.

And each time he does not pick up toys you can take one of his favorites away for the rest of the morning or afternoon.  He can not get it back regardless of what he says or does.  IF you cannot put your toys away then I will put one away for you.  But put it where he cannot get to it.

Expect more resistance when you start this type of behavioral intervention program.  Expect tantrums or crying, etc.  Consistence and time (several weeks) and you can shape his attitude.

Answer 4

It's almost impossible to reason with a child that young...

They do, however, understand reward and punishment...

When he refuses to do something...tell him, in a stern and authoritative voice, that if he does not do what you ask, he will go to "time out"...make sure the time out chair is somewhere where he cannot watch TV, read or anything else...he must sit quietly...time him (say 5 minutes for a child this young) and if he gets up before his time is up, it starts all over again.  And if he still disobeys, back in the time out...you may have to repeat this over and over until he "gets it"...

Stand your ground...DO NOT give in...be consistent, and before too long, he will understand the consequences of unfavorable behavior...

"nip it in the bud" NOW...or you're gonna have a terrible problem with him later on...

Answer 5

When you speak to him, do you get down on his level and look him in the eye?  If he looks away as you are speaking to him, you need to insist that he look at you while you are speaking.  Make sure you have his full attention when you talk to him

If he doesn't want to listen, then teach him about consequences.  When my son was three and didn't want to pick up his toys, I gave him a choice--he could either pick up the toys himself, or else I would do it for him.  But if I did it, it would mean that I would take the toys away.  That worked the first couple of times, but then he decided to test me one day.  So I just grabbed a big box, picked up all of the toys that were left out on the floor, threw them all in the box, and took them away.  You should have seen the look on his face.

He had the opportunity to earn the toys back by doing a good job cleaning up on his own for the next three days, and without complaint.  He still may not like cleaning up, but at least he knows now that if I threaten to get the box out, I am not kidding around.

When he isn't listening, don't plead with him.  Sit him down, look him in the eye, and firmly (but without yelling) tell him that he needs to listen to you--you don't ask him to listen, you TELL him to listen (it is not a request).  If he won't do it, then tell him XYZ will happen (an appropriate loss of privileges, depending on what the original issue was).

When he smiles and walks away (or disrespects you in any way), an immediate time out is called for.  Dont' let him get away with that.

Answer 6

He smiled and walked away and you did ... what?

He has learned that there is no consequence other than a PLEA from the ADULT to PLEASE listen.

Na-uh. Tell him there is a new sheriff in town.

If you tell him to pick up his toys and he says "NO" then put him in a time out for 3 1/2 minutes.  When he gets out of time out then have him pick up his toys. When he says "No' put him BACK in the time out.

If he continues to say "NO" then there must be a consequence. Perhaps the toys get put away for a week?

You could also reward good behavior. "Pick up your toys so we can have a snack and Mommy will read a book to you."

Or he could earn stickers for good behavior that can be traded in for a trip to the dollar store?

He is NOT too young to listen and follow instructions. I was a "now sweetheart.. please listen to mommy" mom with my oldest. I pay for it every day now that he is older. The little ones tow the line..but my oldest still sees what he can squeeze by me and others.

Also..when they start kindergarten it doesn't matter if they can read, write and do multiplication..they must know how to SIT, BE QUIET and FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS.

Those are the skills he needs to succeed in school.

Good luck and be strong Mom! YOU are the parent.  

Answer 7

Of course lecturing to a 3 1/2 old doesn't work, he is only 3 1/2 years old.  He is not a miniature adult.  He doesn't  think like an adult he thinks like a toddler.  In order to teach a child to follow directions you have to SHOW a child how to do something rather than tell them.  Obviously he doesn't understand being given directions because he hasn't been show how to follow them