My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year. We have been through a lot, and for a while now it has been going downhill. It started of like a typical teenage relationship, but after a few months, I became abusive towards her. Not really physically, but emotionally. In the beginning, she lied to me about everything she said to make me think that she was cool and to like her. She later admitted this and promised to be herself. I became emotionally abusive and it got worse over time. I started off by criticizing her and making mean, sarcastic comments and put downs. I thought that the way she did her clothes and make up was a little bit overboard and it made her look "easy" to others. She agreed and became a little bit more simple. It was ok, but eventually, I controlled the exact way she dressed. I made her wear always wear a sweater to cover up her body and absolutely no make up because I thought that boys always checked her out and thought she was hot. She listened to everything I told her to do, but even then, I wasn't satisfied and continued to put her down, telling her things like, her b***s are big, she is too tall/big, she looks like a s**t, and one day I'm gonna leave her and find the perfect girl for me. It got really bad. She would cry almost every day. We both don't have too many friends, and there was nobody she could talk to except me. There was one time where I completely ignored all of her calls and messages for an entire day for no apparent reason. I later found out from a friend of hers at school that she was going crazy that day and about run out of school because of me. There was also a time when I left her, and she spent three hours straight crying in the bathroom non stop and missed three classes because of that. One time, she didn't eat anything for an entire day, 24 hours, because I told her not to. These are just a few examples of the type of abuse she endured from me during the course of our relationship. A few months back I found out that she lied to me about her age. I got really mad. She was so ashamed of what she did. She is a 34b and a little bit chunky, I told her that if she doesn't get down to an A cup in the next month or so, we are done. And I told her that if i see one boy check her out, we are done. She agreed. But during that next month, things were much different. We used to call each other and text message almost the entire day before. But during that month, it was as if all my feelings for her had vanished. We didn't talk much, and everytime we did, she would tell me that she loves me and I would never say anything back. I used to go see her eve week, but I stopped doing that as well. A month later things turned around. She told me that she didn't love me or want to be with me anymore. I knew she did, but she was just so emotional and hurt that she didn't know what to do. Since then, things have just been going downhill. Everytime we talk we just fight. And its not even that often. I haven't heard a word from her in two weeks. And our one year anniversary is coming up. These past three or four months, and especially recently, I have had a lot of time to myself and have been closely evaluating everything. For a long time I was just angry at her and thought everything was her fault and that she was tripping. I was also mad at myself for being so mean to her. I realized a lot of things. I realized the type of girl she is. She is probably the sweetest, most innocent, caring, loving, respectful, kind hearted girl in the entire world. She is a good girl; never had a boyfriend before and doesn't hang around boys or bad people or do bad things. I realized that I truly loved her and that she loved me, but I was just so angry the entire relationship. At myself? At the world? I don't even know. But i was simply pissed off. And looked at everything so negatively. Instead of seeing all of the sweet things she did for me and how she always put me number 1 in her life, I saw her crying when I threatened to leave and her being hurt as her loving me. A negative view of love. I realized that everything I wanted in a girl; sweet, loving, caring, respectful, kind, simple, faithful; is exactly what she was. And instead of being forgiving, I took her mistakes, and blew them up into big things, and used that to justify me treating her unfairly. All the things that I constantly made her feel bad about; her b***s being big, her being too tall/big for me, boys always checking her out and thinking she was attractive; weren't even remotely true. It was all false things that I was tripping about. Delusions. She was actually the perfect girl for me, my dream girl. And I hurt her bad. I destroyed her self esteem. And I never felt pain when hurting her. But now, i'm feeling that pain that I should have felt before. And i've reached the conclusion that I treated her that way because I was just so angry and negative about myself or how I felt. I'm trying really hard to be at peace and just be humble right now. And words can't even express how guilty I feel about hurting the sweetest angel who just wanted to love her boyfriend. We had plans of getting married and having a family in the future. She really looked up to me. Her boyfriend was her best friend and her hero. We love each other so much. Right now, I just want to really turn things around and show her that I can actually be her dream guy and love and respect her the way she truly deserves. I want to heal her wounds and make her smile again. I know I can do it because I've identified the cause of me behaving the way that I did; it was my anger and negativity. But we rarely ever talk now, and I haven't heard from her in two weeks. I haven't even seen her in 4 months; ever since I found out about her age. Please. We need help. Please give me serious advice. Thank you.
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