I am having an affair and becoming emotionally attached to the other guy,help.?

Question

I have been married for 7 years and my hubby has cheated on me numerous times.I was not looking for anyone,but happened to see a old school mate at my moms one day.We have gone out a few times and we really have a lot in common.We have good conversation and great s*x.I know it's wrong,but my marriage has been dead for a long time.This guy tells me he is falling for me and I feel the same,I think about him all the time,but I have children and am very limited to "date time". I really need to know what others think I should do about this situation.I would really like to hear from people who have been through this.I have not slept in the same bed with my hubby for years,we do have quickie s*x from time to time (when I have to),he does pay the bills(and I totally hear about it) since he has made it nearly impossible for me to get a job (complaining,etc) and likes to keep me in this house constantly.I have been wanting to leave him for a while. Should I stop seeing this other guy or what? I am so lost right now,i really need help, thanks.

Answer 1

Your both unfaithful, doesn't sound like you have a marriage. Get a divorce!

Answer 2

You are lost!  Ok, your priorities are you and your children.  You need to look out for their welfare and get yourself respect back.  Being in a marriage that is a lie is not helping anyone.  If you want to save your marriage--then make arrangments for you and your husband to save it.  If not, get out, get out now!  You and the kids deserve to be in a place where you are respected.  If you do not respect yourself, or even demand respect you are not going to get it.  Your kids are watching you and they know too.  Best wishes, get help and put your energy into you and the kids.  Forget about the guy for now..if he's a good guy he'll be there when you're divorced.

Answer 3

Shame on you. Divorce and never remarry ever again. You are not wife quality. No guy wants a lazy cheating wife who blames him for her bipolar disorder episodes.

Answer 4

HA HA HA I love how you blame your husband for your inability to get a job.

Classic blame game.  

Honey, is EVERYTHING never going to be your fault?

Answer 5

I've been where you are at and it is confusing. Don't let some of the sarcastic remarks get you down . . they have never experienced life.

First off, you have to get out of that relationship!  Is that a proper and decent way for a human being to live?  no, it isn't.  Is that teaching your children what a family unit is all about?  No, it isn't, you are teaching your children that it's ok to live within a dysfunctional family and stay. They will grow up to believe that is normal, so staying for the sake of the children will only confuse and s***w up their minds.

Once you are out of your relationship, take a break from this boyfriend, or see him a bit occasionally (however you may need him for emotional support going through a divorce), it will get tougher before it gets better . . and you know what?  it's worth it to get out of someones prison.

Life is too short to live like that, separate beds, giving s*x to someone you don't love and do it because he wants it?  that's not right and you know it.

Enough said . . . . good luck.

Answer 6

Stop blaming him for your lack of action on your part.  Unless he has physical controls to the wiring in your brain or has you strapped to a gurney, you have the ability to get a job and get out of the house.

Heck, let's be honest now, you got out of the house to get a little sack time with a new one didn't you?

He blames you for his inaction and is angry and b*****s at you about the bills (I suppose he claims he feels helpless and shackled to you as well) and then goes out and runs to other woman so he can tell them what an overworked, under appreciated guy he really is.

How convenient to have you in the house without a job! What a line you've set him up with. I can almost hear him now whispering in some woman's eager ear, "...and she won't get a job and she lays around the house all day..."

You should indeed stop seeing this guy and tell your fine husband that you are going to be looking for a job next week so he'll probably have to watch the kids for a bit after he gets out of work.  That'll put a wrench in his love life won't it?

Then follow through and look for a job, any job and get one.  And if he leaves the kids alone to see one of his hotties, find a babysitter next time but also remind him that this behavior won't look good for the custody battle he'll be facing soon.

Then go to work as soon as asked and whatever he tries to pull to throw a wrench in your plans (because oh yes he will!), don't fall for it, have a back up plan like I mentioned above and remind him that you are taking notes.

Then go see an attorney and file for divorce and inform your half-a-husband that you have retained an attorney and are filing for divorce.  You tell him that you'll take the kids as you don't want to impinge on his love life, but of course, jewelry and flowers may not be flowing to his girlfriends as he'll have child support to pay, maybe a little assistance for you too for the first year while you get on your feet.

You need to keep your behavior so clean that Mother Teresa would cry in jealousy ya hear? No lovin' on the side.

Is the house in your name as well as his? Is the lease? Then make your plans to be independent and inform him that you also are asking to remain in the primary abode as you are the primary care taker for the children.

Oh and he can start doing the laundry and the dishes as you'll be working and well, the housework might suffer a little.  Maybe he can have a girlfriend come over and help?

My cheating ex did that (don't laugh) while I was nearly dying of pneumonia in the hospital.  He thought he was fooling me and when I figured it out he thought it was "nothing" that his little girl on the side was using my house and my children to "prove" how much of a good wife she'd really be.  Let me tell you in the divorce hearing, the judge wasn't too amused.

You know, some men have this disease, its called "ballshrinkaphobia" that they get when they pick up a dirty sock or wipe a filthy dish.  The symptoms are usually a lot of blaming, threatening, temper tantrums, whining and refusal to do what any mature person would do.  

Don't fall for this trick as you can't get it and the best cure for them is bachelorhood.

Good Luck

All kidding aside, you be the healthy one, don't fall for temptation now, be serious enough to get your life in order and stop allowing other people to hold you back (its all in your head really).  Be mature and calm for the kids' sake and do what is right.

You'll have plenty of time to date when you are free.

Answer 7

so did u ask that other guy whether he would take u with kids and start paying your bills? if the answer is yes u have nothing to lose - dump the old one and get the new one. but if it just blah blah  this blah blah that and o, i love u but i don't have enough money i would dump the new one that fast he wouldn't have time  to blink. they all re cheap skunks mostly - wants to get free meat with no strings attached. u want to s***w a woman pay her bills - that would show the real love

Answer 8

Why did you stay with him once you found out he cheated, not once but numerous times?  Are you only staying with him because he pays the bills?

You need to answer these questions.  But you also need to stop the affair right now, even if you decide to leave him.  You need to fix yourself first.  If you continue to have the affair you are really only using the other guy as a band-aid.  You need to find out that you are able to take care of yourself.  If you do leave take at least a year to be by yourself.  If the other guy is that important, he'll still be around in a year.  And really, what kind of example are you being for your children?  Even if they're young, someday they will know that you were a cheater.  Get into some counseling, but please STOP the affair.

Answer 9

are you pregnant

Answer 10

Good news is that you know that you're LOST.  That's huge.  Sooo many people don't know they are lost.  STOP!  STOP what you're doing and go see a therapist/counselor.  You're lonely, feel sad/depressed; the affair is fun, entertaining, keeps your interest.  Find the happiness that you deserve - do you REALLY want to be happy?  Like deep down do you want a GOOD life?  If you do, go fix it NOW.

Answer 11

I feel sorry for you. I generally dont for cheaters like yourself..but I do.

Here is why -

Your man has left you feeling so low as a human, so abused and used..that you needed support. Im not happy you didnt talk with him about it while the relationship still had a chance.

Honestly - toss the towel. You need to be happy. You need love...You cheated which means you given up...face that fact today. He cheated on you many times, probbly more then you know. He probbly is still cheating on you - I want you to leave, go to a happy, healthy relationship. This guy is pathetic...you leave him now.

Answer 12

If what you say is true: your husband cheating on you several times I would say that your marriage lacks respect and honesty. However two wrongs do not make a right.

Please my dear, think before you do anything. Ask yourself if a divorce is the best thing for you. Meaning, if you divorce can you take care of your children and self. Providing that you get alimony and child support, the rest of the bills will be your responsibility. I am assuming when you found out your husband was cheating on you that you started building evidence right? Phone calls, texts, emails..etc. Proving he cheated with evidence is better than simply stating it in a divorce and will guarantee alimony and child support.

Also know that what you are currently feeling for the other man  can simply be lust. Once you divorce, there is no guarantee that it will last or he will want to take on the responsibility of being a stepfather.

Think through your situation and make this decision based on you and not the new man in your life.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 13

Oh gee, look...you obviously don't have a marriage anymore based on the cheating from both sides so why not just file for divorce and get it over with.  And oh, don't use the kids as a convenient excuse to stay together.

Answer 14

you both should try love calculator  to find out how strong your love is before taking any decision , link in the source can help

Answer 15

Leave your husband divide everything 50/50 including the custody of the kids.  Don't ask for any child support but do ask for 1 years alimony for every two years of being married (3 years).  Be with the new guy and be happy.

Answer 16

You said your husband cheated on you numerous times. Your marriage is not going to make it any way. Be with the one that makes your heart throb, makes you melt inside, makes you tingle when you think about him. Talks to you when you're with him, treats you like a queen, makes you feel loved and wanted. Go for it. Life is short!

Answer 17

The best thing to do in your situation is leave your husband. If the marriage has been over for years and you basically have become roommates than its better to go your separate ways. You may think its going to be hard because you have kids, but in the long run it will be better for the kids. They need to see their parents happy whether that is with eachother or someone else. Don't stop seeing the other guy. It sounds like he is the type of person that will be there for you and you're going to need that support if you leave your husband. Besides if he is what makes you truly happy than you deserve to keep him in your life. Best of luck!

Answer 18

Girl, I love it when people say, "I know I am wrong, but...." There is no "but". Yes, you are wrong and Yes, you need to stop seeing him and Yes, you need to work on leaving and supporting you and your kids alone...Sure, ask for child support through the courts; however, get prepared to support you and your children alone. Once you are independent (divorced) and self sufficient, you can find another man to love and share your body and life with.

""If we have to sneak and hide what we do in life, what kind of life is that""". Good luck with common sense.