Question:

I am having some problems with my fiances family and the location of the wedding.?

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Alright. SO this is going to be long, and contain a lot of detail.....

So, I currently live in Spokane where my fiance and all of his family lives. My parents live about 3 hours away in Yakima. And the majority of the rest of my family lives about 2 or 3 hours from Yakima in Longview area. (Which would make Longview about 5 or 6 hours away from Spokane.

To my understanding, the wedding is usually closer to the bride's side of the family, mainly because the bride's parents pay for it. So I was trying to find a location that would be a little closer to my family, but still in driving distance for my fiance's side. Basically a central location, which would end up being in the Yakima area where my parents live.

I thought it was a great idea, and would make it equal driving distance for both sides of the family. BUT, last week when I was talking to my fiance's sister about the wedding, she asked it I had found a place for the wedding to be held at yet, and I told her that I was really interested in this place up where my parents live. And then she said to me "Well, that's kind of far away don't you think?" and I explained to her that it would be a central location for both sides of the family. But she still thought it was wierd that I wanted it there, and made it seem like the wedding would be out of everyone's way if it wasn't here in Spokane. Then my fiance told her that at least it wasn't on the oregon coast (8-9 hours away from Spokane) like what I was looking at. And his mom yelled over to us "Oh it better not be in Oregon".

Now, that's not all. Yesterday, I came over to my fiance's parent's house and his dad just casually asked me if we had found a place yet for the wedding. I told him about the venue near my parent's house. He asked why I wanted it over there, and I again explained that it's a central location for both sides of the family. Then he said "Well, why don't you have it in Moses Lake (1.5 hours from Spokane) or in Ritzville (45 min from Spokane).

And after that, I went inside and was talking ot my fiance's mom, and I was telling her about the place I was going to go look at near my parents. I told her about how it is over half the price of everywhere else I looked at, and how beautiful everyone says it is there, etc. And that, again, it's a central location for both sides. The whole time I was explaining it to her, she just had a slight, fake smile on her face, and didn't say anything.

Now, I guess what my question is, is it really that wrong of my to want MY wedding to be in a central location, so that both of our familys can attend, witout makeing on side or the other drive more that the other? Is it bad of my to want MY family to be there too? Is it bad of my to be compramising so much that I'm to going to be having my dream wedding by the beach?

My fiance understands, and he is totally on board with the whole central location thing, but his family is acting like it's the worst idea ever. (oh, and to clear it up now, cause I know I'll get some questions about this.....I get along with his family just fine, they love me, and I love them.)

And how can I explain it to them that I want it closer to my family too?

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8 ANSWERS


  1. its YOUR wedding.  You should have YOUR wedding in the location of YOUR choosing.  You see where I'm going with this?


  2. First of all, it's your wedding!  If your fiance doesn't mind it and seems fine about it then go for it have it where you wanted it in the first place! It is your wedding! If his family won't make the extra effort on that one day to drive up and celebrate that special day with you & your soon-to-be, don't let it bother you... you want your wedding how you want it to be! You can't cater to everyone because "they" desire that location...

    And since you mentioned that your family is paying majority of the wedding expenses, it's not bad to have it where your parents live...

    Let your FH's family know that you're considering budget-wise also that's why you chose that location...

    As long as your FH approve... besides, it's all about you and him!

    Good luck!

  3. I think you and your fiance should sneak away and get married on the beach, honestly and then you won't have to worry about all these arrangments...just have a party when you get back.  My friend Tracy did that, she snuck away to a beach on the west florida coast and had what she says was a gorgeous wedding, cost them like $700 for the room and everything included.  She is so happy now to not go through all that stress!

  4. You should do what is going to make you happy. If you want to get married on the beach, then that is where you should have it. On the day of your wedding you are only going to notice one thing - your new husband. Nothing else really matters. The people who are meant to be there will go out of their way for you.

    I do understand where you are coming from though. I think that having the wedding in a central location is a good idea.

    My best advice is to just book the place you feel is best. Then you just tell everyone the date and time - it's up to them to show up. You are never going to be able to please everyone. Do what makes you happy. It's a special day for the both of you.  

    Good luck..

  5. This is your wedding and you are trying to find a place that is best for both sides of the family ,so they can like it or lump it.  I say you have the wedding near your parents.    

  6. my fiances family live in england and my family live in ireland, we're having the wedding in ireland and all his family and friends are flying over. 8 or 9 hours to a beach is kind of long but it could be much worse!

    it's your day and you're already taking their views into account. I think you should stick with the idea of being in the middle and if they say again to have it in spokane, that your family is paying for it so it will be closer to them.

    Traditionally ( in church weddings ) its in the brides church and then after the marriage the couple attend the grooms church.

    you can explain that since you'll be living in Spokane after your marriage you feel it necessary to have your wedding closer to 'home'

    i hope this helps.

    EDIT

    Hi it just occured to me that you wanted a beach wedding but arent going to have one...

    why don't you carry the beach theme? Have a look at this for ideas its got a few beach themes invites etc

  7. Okay to be honest... I have no clue what they are complaining about. I live in Spokane too and I drove to the coast for a wedding once. 6 hours!! and she was my cousin who I'm not that close too!!

    I guess my point is.. it's your wedding, have it where you want. If they are seriously complaining about a few hours of driving then that's their problem. It isn't that big of a deal. It's only a few hours!! and no it isn't "out of their way" for their sons wedding. come on people!! I would go to another continent for my son's wedding.. well.. when I have a son someday.

    Ritzville has nothing there.. unless you wanna have it out in an open field. And I guess Moses Lake wouldn't be too bad, but then again I don't know of any venues out there. Maybe you could just settle for there?? I don't know.  Just do what you want and if someone wants to complain or not attend then say too bad and don't let it ruin your day. Good Luck :]

  8. The BRIDE's FAMILY gets priority. Always. For ever and ever. Even if they are not paying for the whole thing. They are losing their daughter and they get to have the reception on their turf. The end. Plan the wedding you want. His parents will turn up. If you back down now, they will control every step of your life. Your parents raised you. They deserve to have things convenient as they bid you goodbye. Yakima is just 3 hours away. That is nothing! Parents go across the world for their children's weddings. Just set the date, plan the ceremony and send out the invites. If your invites say "Mr. and Mrs ..." invite you to the wedding of their daughter....to ......, son of ...." that says it all. You could always allow your future in-laws to host an engagement party for you in Spokane and your parents should make every effort to attend!!

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