I am home schooling my daughter for the rest of this year?

Question

When it comes to math, I have to re-learn some of the things she is learning in order to explain them to her. When I don't have the immediate answer, or have to work my way through a problem, or have to ask her what we did the last time, she SCREAMS at me and acts like I'm stupid.

I have kept my cool and for the first 4 weeks I would say I would help her when she could be civil to me and I would walk away. She then went through a phase where she would tell me I was walking away from my problems "like I always do. Real great mom! What am I supposed to do now?" I would either not respond or tell her that I will not solve a problem with someone who is abusive to me.

She had pretty much stopped the nonsense, but she is back to it. Does anyone have any ideas of how to handle this. Please, if you are planning a personal attack, keep it.

Answer 1

How about a different math curriculum? We switched to Math U See and my daughter does her lessons by watching the video and then practicing. My problem was that i can do the work just not explain it. There are other math programs with DVDs to teach besides this one but so far it's the best we've found.

Their site is www.mathusee.com They will send you a free DVD so that you can check the program out and once I ordered it we had it within a week. The free DVD is basic stuff like addition but there's an assessment test there also so that you can find out what book you need for her.

God Bless!

Added: My sister and I switch up. She hates science (can do it but dislikes it) and I can't stand Language arts but I love science. So I teach her kids science once a week and she teaches mine LA . We give assignments for the week and go over them on the following day we get together. If you can find another home school mom who would be willing to swich out try that.

Answer 2

I feel your pain. My sons are home schooled as well and they are 13 and 14. We too faced some of these power struggles when we first started. It is called deschooling. We have a house policy,"If you can't be pleasant don't be present." That and the fact that no friends, no games, and no other activities can occur until all work  is done tends to get them to work on it. It only takes a day or two spend doing a page of math before they catch on. I also reccommend getting the solution manual to your math book. We use Saxon math and I always purchase the solution manual.

Answer 3

Oh..this hits close to home with me.

The bottom line is that she has been in school for over half of her life.  She has been sitting in the classes where math has been explained and re-explained.  More than likely, the particular procedures you are doing with her are only review of what she was supposed to have learned in school.   Is this your problem?  I don't think so.  It is her problem.  

Give it to her.  Let her figure out how to read the instructions.  Let her find an online solution from one of the many math sites.

This is easy for me to say and hard for me do but that is the solution.  

As far as the personal attacks from your daughter...don't only walk away from them but also find other ways of making your point.  As in, "You want to go to the mall and you want ME to take you?"    There are many things that you do for her that are beyond the food, shelter and clothing requirements.  Homeschooling is something you are doing to help her and you cannot force your help on someone who rejects the help.

We are all self learners.   The only things we learn are the things we want to learn.

By the way, when she finally asks for your help here are a website with an online tutor...free.

We also use the D.I.V.E cd's for Saxon.  They cost $50.00 each but are worth it....IF  our kids will use them. (smile)

http://www.glencoe.com/sec/math/msmath/m...

Answer 4

She needs time to deschool and you need to realize she may be in a higher math than you... The two of you are going to have a hard time no matter what if she is having a hard time looking at you as both a teacher as well as a mom. She is used to having teachers that know the math at the drop of a hat, as that is their job. Explain to her she is no longer in school and she needs to treat the learning as her responsibility. If she has a problem and you don't know the answer, tell her you will need X amount of time to figure it out, and she should move on or do something else.

I found with a friend of mine that was having this problem - if the kids came to her and had a question she couldn't answer, the kids needed to email or write the question down and they all agreed mom had 24 hours to find the answer for them and for the time being they would move on.

The other thing you may want to consider is getting a math tutor. You can post on craigslist or look at your local community college and find a math tutor for her cheap - from either a student or something like this.

I think you are handling it well, telling her you won't help while she is being abusive. It's ok mom, it will take a while to get in gear with things - and when she is frustrated, especially at that age she is likely to lash out. You sound like you are doing fine :)

Answer 5

Hi I was actually home schooled for 1 and a half years.  And at times I would et really upset with my mom because the fact of being at home made me lazy so I wouldn't work as hard or would just get fed up.  But my mom actually gave me more freedom in when I had to do my work and I started to loosen up.  She let me sleep in or stay in my pajamas for the day or do nothing fo r a while only as long as I completed all my work before the end of the day.  We were using the Saxon Cirriculum in math and it was excellent.  Anyways, that was my point of view and I did get lonely very often.

Answer 6

The trouble with going from school to homeschooling is that the kid and the parent both need to be almost "de-institutionalized".    The whole teacher/student relationship needs to be redefined.  You and her are in this together and need to find a way to work it out.  I agree with other answers that she might need some time to unwind from the whole attitude of school.  If she's not behind, why don't you spend some time reviewing older material until her attitude relaxes and only then approach new, more difficult material.  She'll get time to relax and retrieve some confidence and you'll get time to relax and find a program that works for you and her both.  I wish you the best.  Don't give up.

Answer 7

If she is being homeschooled because she didn't like school, threaten her with a return to school. If it was your choice ot homeschool her, best thing I can tell you is to take control over her, don't let her scream louder than you, punish her and make her do extra assignments when she acts up and when she's good and you get work done, reward her. Just tell her it's been a while since you did this stuff.

Answer 8

I would give her some time to "deschool" first.

Then, perhaps find a curriculum, such as Teaching Textbooks, Thinkwell, Kinetic books, etc., that removes you from the teaching aspect...especially if you're learning with her.  It's easy to learn along in the elementary years, not so much in middle and high school.

It's going to take some time for both of you to find your groove w/ HS'ing.  Just give it time.

Hang in there!

Answer 9

I agree with the pp's about "deschooling" give her some time to just let it all out and to change the perspective of homeschooling. Also you might want to find a group that does exchanges. It seems that you have problems with math and someone else might be able to help you with that. If you have something that you are strong in then you can share that with someone else. Plus there's nothing wrong with finding a toutor to help. Just because you are a HS mom, doesnt mean that you have to do ALL the teaching.

Answer 10

I totally agree with the other posters in she needs some time to "deschool". Her attitude goes to show you how she deals with school. This is disrespect is not acceptable.

They have programs that she can pretty much learn on her own. You don't have to be there to hand hold her the entire time.

Look and do your research and find something that would suit her style of learning.

She is also going thru the teen years where they are just plain mean at times. Their hormones are all over the place and most the time they don't even know how to handle their emotions.

She does need some quiet time to reflect and relax. Don't push the academics just yet. Remember it doesn't take that much time to catch up and actually surpass kids in the Public schools when you homeschool.

Momma needs to relax and take a deep breath.

Answer 11

I do not have any answers for you unfortunately, but I am right there with you.  My daughter is 13 1/2 and I too am homeschooling her for the rest of the year.  There are days she is happy but most days she is moody and uncooperative.  We are still trying to work out a schedule and a curriculum that works for us both.  It is a difficult age under the best of circumstances and you should keep telling yourself that she is venting her frustrations on you.  She will look back at this time and be thankful she has a Mom who sacrificed for her benefit.

(on the bad days, we just drop everything and go to lunch or the park and just try to reconnect) Send me an email if you want to vent yourself! Good luck.

Answer 12

HS Mom is right on the money.  Both you and your child need time to deschool.  In general, your child needs a month (yes a month) off for every year she has been in school.  You are both extremely stressed.  

If you are planning for her to return to school next year and cannot deschool, a tutor from your district is your best bet.

Be well.

Answer 13

My mom would kill me! She has to be able to understand that you havent been doing this material constantly for a long time. you should send her back to school and tell her that ur not even dealing with this c**p. if school isn't possible. then dont even attempt to help her. if she takes the test in the summer and doesnt get her high school diploma. it's her fault for being rude. and maybe a bit of your loss. but she'd be crushed. oh well!

Answer 14

I recommend this:

http://www.teachingtextbooks.com

And a firm hand.

Answer 15

i advise you try a new curriculum. a good math textbook should be clear and easy to understand.

anyway, i don't know if this might comfort you or something.. but as a fifteen-year-old myself, i absolutely despise myself every time i'm rude or downright cruel to my mom, especially because i become irrationally peeved over stupid little things that shouldn't bother me. that guilt and frustration i feel with myself makes me feel badly, and feeling badly, i'm on edge and prone to snapping again, then feeling worse, and so on. it's a terrible cycle, and for all you know maybe, at least, your daughter does realize she's wrong.. if she'll allow you to have a conversation with her that would allow you figure out why she freaks out at you, well, then every time she flips, you could remind her.. blegh. i don't know. all i know is that i, myself, need to break out of the nasty habit. solving the problem might be up to her.

..teenage girls are anything but reasonable.

Answer 16

It's great you are homeschooling because this will give you time to heal your relationship with your daughter.  It sounds like there is a lack of respect, which is usually two sided.

I would suggest you try unschooling.  Find out what it is she wants to do, and then go with that.  It could take a while to deschool, but I think in the long run, it would improve your relationship and help you function better as a family.

Good luck :D

Answer 17

Unless she has a mood disorder, there is no excuse for her outbursts. She needs loving, but firm discipline. Perhaps some counseling is in order? Perhaps Dad needs to step in and talk to her about honoring her mother and his bride?  I would not tolerate the yelling, it is verbal abuse and disrespect of the person who birthed her, loved her, nurtured her, pays her bills and educates her. (My kid would not see thew light of day for a very long time if she made a habit of taking that tone with me. Honestly, she might find herself enrolled in public school if that persisted.) Along with discipline, look into classes on study skills and stress relief. Often, these classes are offered at community colleges. If you can, see about doing some mother / daughter bonding. Get massages, or manipedis together. Perhaps she needs a channel for her frustration? Physical labor is great for that! Public stables sometimes like help mucking ther stalls. That should humble her quickly. Yoga is good for centering and maintaining calm and balance. Martial arts teach courtesy. Aggression can also be channeled into completion. Maybe she should find an arena to compete in? You could also try explaining to her that just as you are patient with her, she should be with others, especially her family. She won't have you forever. She does not want to look back on the time she had with you and remember her bad behavior.

EDIT: The suggestions to de-school are excellent. Bond first, school next. Good luck to you both!