I am in desperate need for some good advice because my relationship might be in trouble , can you help me ?

Question

Please allow me to give you a short bio of me . I recently moved from new york due to family dysfunctionalities. I arrived in texas and have been seeing this beautiful girl for hmm.. i guess ever since I came here. I was on the phone with her 24 hours during my drive here and I think i have talked to her more than anyone in this world in my life .

I have a dream in my life and I want to start pursuing it in about a year.

But I made a mistake , I gave her my online passwords ( just verbally ) and she saw that I been talking to these girls online saying How pretty their dress looks or things that could be defined as flirting and I feel bad about it .

She saw this and didn't tell me any thing other than just making small fun of it because she likes me a lot , yes a lot.

And now i am stuck because I feel like I screwed up big time and I am afraid if i have lost leverage to ask her to follow me and my dream which she's hesitant to do , because I want to leave the country in less than a year to follow my dream .

( she's hesitant because she will be going to a new land she's not familiarized with and she will be leaving her family behind)

I love this girl with my heart like a kid that just saw and smelt rose petals for the first time.

I feel this guilt and deep sadness inside me right now because I was talking to this other girls online( nothing serious ) and i know that hurt her .

how do I fix this situation , how do I talk to her ?I know communication is the base of any long standing relationships and right now i am drawing blanks .Please help me only if you are in a long term relationship and is a really smart person which I think you are.

Answer 1

If your chatting is bothering you this much...you must have some real feelings for this gal.  I suggest then, that what ever you do from now on...you have her in mind as well.  That helps you not do things that you might regret later.

I don't believe in giving people your passwords until there is some serious commitment...and then...there are some areas of your life that should still be for you...your space. But since you have already given it out, changing it now will look as though you have something to hide.

I would talk to her, be honest with her and ask her what would make her feel better? After all, she is the one you are worried about.

You haven't said what your dreams are so that one is hard to comment on.  I don't know if they are safe or sketchy.  If they are safe, and she loves you...she will come around as long as she knows the road will always lead back home for visits.  If it is sketchy...then you are on your own. It would be hard to commit to someone who you don't know if you will get stuck on the other side of the world with no help.

Answer 2

First of all, change your passwords. Someone you are dating should never have your passwords to things.

Then sit down and talk to her. However, you said you "recently" moved. You may be more lusting than in love, and rushing things - either because you want someone to cling to and some familiarity since you just moved across the country and don't have many other people or maybe no one else (due to your dysfunctional family), or because you know you want to leave the country next year and are afraid of going alone, so you want to pull someone along with you.

Either way, you definitely don't need to be flirting with people on-line. I used to be very flirty on-line (and still am in person sometimes), but my husband's best friend's wife just left him and moved several states away - to be with some dude she started "flirting innocently" with in a forum. (It wasn't even a chat room - they ended up talking from reading each others' posts or something). So just don't do it.

Answer 3

if you are having like s*x chats or trying to get in these girls pants or meet them then you should feel bad.  From what you are saying it's not like that at all.  I flirt with guys all the time, I'm just a flirty person, my fiance knows it means NOTHING and I would never take it further than some flirtations and if the guy tries I'm out of there.  If she says she doesn't care and hasn't brought it up or brought it back on you at all, then she probably really doesn't care.  If you think she's mad or worried about it then sit down and talk to her (HONESTLY) about it.