I am in love with a man...who is not my husband.?

Question

Long story short...

I am married, so is he. I have children, so does he. We are both in marriages that we are extremely unhappy with. We met and started seeing each other 2 months ago. So, I suppose this is what an affair is? This is a first for me. About 4 weeks ago, I found out I was pregnant and just last week had a miscarriage. During this time, it forced us to re-think what we are doing. If he leaves his wife, he will be ruined financially. If I leave, I will be uprooting my kids. Still yet, after all of the emotions, tears and anger I decided last week that we just needed to stop seeing each other. (against what my heart was telling me) He still calls and comes around. I miss him when I am away. I look forward to his phone calls. We both have said a million times "I wish things were different"

WHY does something so wrong feel so right? Should I continue this relationship? It is important to say that my husband and I have been married for 6 years and have split up twice before. We have grown apart and are pretty much roomates who share kids and bills.

Answer 1

I'm glad that you recognize that it is wrong! some people don't think about it twice, but you are considering your kids which is the most important thing. My parents went through that and let me tell you that it traumatized me, its been 10 years since they split up and I still cry about it. You really shouldn't have let your relationship with your husband die, you have to keep the spark of love when you are married. It's difficult but go back and think of when you first got together when your husband and try to feel what you felt back then when you guys were in Love, then work on you'r marraige, your family doesn't deserve this, they will suffer and it is not their fault. As for you, since the first place you shouldn't have let your thoughts get to that, when you have a bad thought get rid of it as soon as possible, if you would have done that since the begining you wouldn't have ended up loving some one who isn't your husband, I know that doesn't matter anymore but in the future... what if you do leave your family, get with this guy, and end up falling for someone else. Trust me, it is still possible to fix things if you really try and somehow convince your husband to try really hard at your marraige

Answer 2

If you are unhappy then you need to get out. Never stay for the kids it usually just makes things worse for you and the whole family. As for the other man in your life,if he isn't going to leave his spouse than I would stop seeing him. If he won't leave his spouse than it seems he isn't really in love w/you. No person deserves being cheated on. I  would talk to him and tell him if he can't leave his wife to be w/you then you won't be w/him.

Answer 3

1. tell your husband and your kids what is going on.

tell your husband you cheated and that yall have grown apart.

2. tell this guy who is married either you want only him or only your husband.

3. you should have never cheated in the first place, its kinda in your vows.. to not cheat and to stay together forever, at least if you had a traditional wedding.

no man wants a cheating wife/gf.

do the next right thing, since you already screwed up the first thing.  

Answer 4

It feels so right because you're being SELFISH!!!!!  If you think about your kids, your husband, his wife and kids, you'll see that THIS IS COMPLETELY WRONG!!!!!

You need to stay with your husband FOR THE SAKE OF THE KIDS!!!!!

You will destroy your family, and his family - for what????  A feeling that might last a year, or 5?  Then what?? You've proved that love doesn't have to be forever.

Answer 5

this is for the rest of ur life

choose the guy you love

ur husband prob sees some1 too if he feels about you the same way you feel about him

Answer 6

ur dumb where u drunk when u got married ur breaking the 10 commandments why did  u get married to the guy if ur not happy with him. u should get a divorce ur just making ur self look bad not your husband ur also not only recking ur own family ur also recking someone Else's family think about it why did let urself fall for another married man  

Answer 7

You are a disaster waiting to happen.  Only 2 months since you started seeing this guy and you've ALREADY gotten pregnant?  Honey, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?????

You have kids.  You have a husband.  You have a bad case of Seven Year Itch.  Get into marriage counseling or therapy.  You and your husband have a lot of work to do to learn how to make a marriage work.

If this guy leaves his wife, it won't be for you.  His wife will find out about you and the affair, and she will make his life a living h**l if he ever gets within 100 miles of you.  Have you checked your state laws?  There are still a half dozen or so states here in the US that allow lawsuits for "alienation of affection."  That means SHE can sue YOU because you ruined her marriage, and your husband can sue HIM.  That would be justice, eh?  His wife gets half of everything in the divorce, and your husband gets the other half in a lawsuit.

Are you good and pissed off yet?  You should be.  But the anger should be directed at your own bad choices, not at the people whose opinions you are seeking who are simply pointing out the consequences of those choices.

Look, if you're going to cheat on your husband and if you're not going to break off ALL contact with this other man - do everybody a favor and leave.  But don't take the kids.  They don't need to be drawn into the drama of your affair with a married man.  They need to stay with the parent who isn't fooling around on the side.

Once you leave, you can see this guy or anyone else you want.  But don't stay married and keep cheating.  You made a vow when you got married.  Fix the problems in your marriage and learn how to keep your vow.  If you don't want to keep it, walk away.

Answer 8

I CAN RELATE GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING ALL YOU CAN DO IS WEIGH PUT THE PROSE AND CONES AND AFTER THAT WEIGH IT OUT AGAIN BUT WITH THE CHILDREN WHATS BEST HOW IT WILL EFFECT THEM. ITS ALWAYS HARDER WHEN KIDS ARE INVOLVED BUT STAYING TOGETHER FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN ONLY MAKES IT HARDER ON THE KIDS BECAUSE THEY KNOW WHATS GOING ONE THEY MAY NOT SAY ANYTHING BUT THEY DO AND ALSO PRAY ON IT.  GOOD LUCK

Answer 9

it's better is stay together for your kid

but maybe not for you

but try to see if you can change

and made your marriage better

that could help .

Answer 10

It feels so "right" because he is an escape from your reality.  He makes you feel needed, loved, cherished.  He listens to you.  He admires you.  He is like your knight in shining armor, saving you from your miserable marriage.  But say you get divorced tomorrow and move in with him, continue your relationship with him.  Like all relationships, eventually our human flaws will begin to show, and your knight will no longer be wearing his shiny armor.

You both are connecting on your unhappy marriages and a physical relationship, rather than what you have in common in your values, ethics, religion, family, etc.   Your relationship is not based on core values that will help you through a long-term relationship, rather things that are much more superficial.  

If I were you, I would work my *** off on my marriage.  Try and make it work if you are both willing.  Do it for yourselves.  Do it for your children.  If you cannot, go your separate ways.  You are not doing your children any favors by staying together.

Do not continue your other relationship.  It will only continue to make your life more complicated.  You will only get heart-broken again.  Simplify your life.  Concentrate on what is truly important to you....

Good Luck!

Answer 11

Wow.. I am also in love with another man. We are both married. His child grown, mine at home. We have decided from the beginning that we would not leave our spouses. It's really hard, since we live apart. Our marriages are not in trouble, just "missing" things.

Good Luck  

Answer 12

Follow with the heart and 3rd times a charm !!

Answer 13

You do need to stop what you are doing. If it is meant to be then you both need to get out of your present relationship first!! Maybe your marriage wouldn't be on the rocks if you were putting your energies there instead of with another man. Do you really think things would be different with this other guy?  Same issues different guy. You really are being a selfish husband poacher, do you want that reputation? Handle things in a way that will make you proud in the end.  

Answer 14

Here's the question to ask yourself.....is your marriage so bad that you would leave your husband even if you were not having an affair and had someone else to go to?  If so, then break up with the married man, leave your husband get your life in order.  

Leave the other man (who is also married) alone to deal with his life and family as he needs to do without your intervention.  

If you wouldn't be thinking of divorce w/o the other man, then stay with your husband and work things out.

You didn't say how long you've been married, but there are always ups and downs in marriage and maybe times when you feel like "room-mates", that's what marriage is - sticking together during the rough times.  Maybe you are not marriage material.  I've been married 21 years and my husband and I are very close friends.  

You have some soul searching to do.  

Answer 15

Your such a loser. Poor kids! It's all about you, you, you.  

Answer 16

WELL YOU SHOULD FIRST TAKE A STEP BACK AND SEE IF YOU CAN WORK OUT YOUR MARRAGE! IF YOU HAVE TRYED EVERYTHING AND ARE STILL UNHAPPY THEN I WOULD DEF THINK ABOUT GETTING A DIVORCE. IAM NOT ONE TO BELIEVE IN DIVORCE BUT YOU ALSO DONT WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE UNHAPPY AND I DONT THINK  YOU SHOULD STAY TOGETHER JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE KIDS, IN MOST CASES THE KIDS SEE YOU GUYS ARE UNHAPPY WHICH MAKES THEM UNHAPPY. SO IAM SURE IF YOU GUYS WERE TO SPILT IT WOULD MAKE EVERYONE ALOT HAPPIER! BUT I DEF WOULD NOT SEE THIS OTHER PERSON WHILE IAM STILL MARRIED UNTIL YOU HAVE DECIDED ON THE DIVORCE OR NOT!

Answer 17

No one can answer these questions but you. YOu need to look at the pros and cons of both decisions and see which is better. Don't think solely about yourself but think of your entire family and his also. I can understand how you feel when he's not around ( never been in the situation but I've been in love) but you can't take that alone. If you decide to stay with your husband then I would advise you to stop having any contact with the other guy. Ask yourself a few questions...Are you in a bad relationship currently? How would your kids cope if you left their father for another man? How would his kids cope? Think of every angle and then make your decision. Good luck and I hope you make the right decision.

Answer 18

I don't know how to start....stay with your husband for now.  Your children and the "other man's" children need to come first.  I know it is hard, but if you two are "meant to be", time won't change that.  How old are your children?  Does your husband know and/or accept what you have been doing.  This is a natural thing for many women that are not having their need/wants taken care of.  I have been there...it sucks!  In my case, I told my husband....long story short, that was 3 years ago and we are still married and much happier now.  That is not typical, but hey I guess it can happen.

Answer 19

Well, cheating is cheating whether you are happily married or not. You both have to let go and work on your own marriages. You decided to stay in that marriage, so might as well do the best you can to make it work. It will be a happier home for the kids. Talk with your husband about unresolved issues. Children notices things also and it would not be good for them to know their mom is cheating on their dad. As a wife, you should know how painful it would be for you to find out that your husband is cheating on you. And you also know the effect of a broken home for the kids, don't do that to another family.

Answer 20

ive kissed a girl and i liked it...

IT FELT SO WRONG IT FELT SO RIGHT

umm wtf ever happened to marriage where you stay loyal to your man/wife and love eachother forever ?

well i guess people these days should stop thinking from their butt

Answer 21

if ypur unhappy in both your marriages

then you both need to divorce your spouses

and work on that relationship it will be hard

but you'll get through it lots of parents get

divorces they will take it hard but they will

understand. don't stay with someone your

unhappy with.

best of luck =)