I am loving my children more ,but am commanding them to do what is right, they dont understand me and get angr

Question

they are getting angry with me and they dont want to obey me

Answer 1

You love your children... you should show it to them. When they misdid, scold them, but when they do something good and constructive in studies, sports etc. reward them with something they really like... like some video game, bicycle, good book etc. Don't be too much commanding, rather be like a friend and scold them only when they do something wrong  

Answer 2

dont comand them tell them with love show the good sides of doing wat u want them to do.show them some love they will surely not get angry

Answer 3

your probably over doing it!

and you said commanding?!

do you think your god or something. thats not a good word to use! try rule setting or telling them.

Answer 4

Okay, I'm sorry wonder guy but you don't show love by giving them stuff.  I do agree however on the positive reinforcement.

First of all, what is it that you are commanding them to do that you believe to be right???  Secondly, scolding won't get you anywhere if their reaction is to get angry.

Consistency is key.  Positive reinforcement is bonding.  Hugs and kisses.  I don't care how burly or masculine or really hard it is to open up to other people it may be... hugs and kisses.  Works wonders.  Be careful with the consistency thing though.

It doesn't seem like you are a man of many words.  Maybe work on that too.  Explain your reasons for "what is right".  My dad did nothing but say, "Because I said so"  and I couldn't wait to flip him off behind his back for "saying so" (this was years ago by the way :) )  Sorry to say so but it is the truth.  Now I have kids of my own and I will go huge lengths to prevent saying the dreaded line of because I said so.  It goes nowhere to helping out in the long run.

Good Luck!!

Answer 5

children need to be given very clear instructions. they might be getting frustrated because they are not clear about what's expected of them.  even when you give clear instructions, they will get angry at first, but if you are being fair in what you ask of them, and you are being clear with how you ask it, and you stick to your guns, they will quickly realise that you are serious and that it's more trouble than it's worth to argue with you.

just be careful that if they start making you angry, you control your response.  keep your tone and behaviour calm and behave as though you cannot be riled.  to a child, this is like hitting a brick wall when they're trying to throw a tantrum... it's stops them in their tracks and makes them think it's totally pointless to continue being stroppy.  if you get wound up and shout, it's giving them attention, which is a kind of reward for their bad behaviour and will only encourage it.

you should always give a warning before a punishment, so that if they disobey the first warning they are knowingly and willfully doing wrong.  the warning should tell them what you are going to do if they persist in bad behaviour, and also why you are going to do it.

if the warning does not work, you MUST punish them as threatened, otherwise they will think you are just making empty threats.

you should also give lots of praise and reward for good behaviour.  otherwise they will think that a) you don't love them, and b) they can't do anything right so why bother trying to be good?

Answer 6

I wouldn't obey you either, if you have this kind of an attitude towards them. Being a parent requires more than just the ability to issue orders- these are children, NOT soldiers in the army, pal. You say your kids don't understand you- well, as a parent, part of your job is HELPING THEM to understand what you say and what you want from them. Has it ever entered your head that their anger with you could really just be an expression of their frustration with you, because it's YOU who doesn't understand THEM and what they want??

Communication is a two way street- in order for it to be effective, both parties have to be on the same page and speaking the same language. Clearly, in your kids' case, you aren't doing that, and neither are they, from the sound of it. Why don't you try LISTENING to your kids, and finding out what they want and what questions they have. If you can answer them, then you and they will be a lot better off.  

Answer 7

Only set rules for when they could really hurt themselves. Otherwise let them do what they want and face the consequences. THen they will listen when it really matters.

Answer 8

Its typical indian parent mentality. Need to be change.

1. Control your "ANGER". First Cool down your self for any incident happened or created by kids.

2. Let kids express their views, idea. Understand why and how they are behaving. Let them explore on their way and then you explain.

3. Children do when you say don't do. Command is not a right way.

4. Mingle with children, take them out, enjoy and see movies, cartoons. Play game, eat and share with them stories, fun.

5. Explain behaviour by giving right story and theam of story.

6. If you want them to Obey just tell one time. If they ignore don't do any nagging.