I am married but cant stop thinking about this other man...why?

Question

I love my husband so much but I cannot stop thinking about this other man. I have fantasies about him wanting me sexually or admiring me for my kindness toward children (because frankly his wife has none). I love my husband completely but I cannot get this man out of my head. I don't know how to get him out of my head...I want to stop thinking about him because I know what I am thinking is wrong, but I don't know why I can't help it.

I don't think his wife is even a good wife...maybe a decent person, but she seems so self centered....like a child...but she has children. How can she love her husband and children with such a horrid attitude toward them. I just don't understand.

Maybe I want to make everyone else happy...and think they should be, especially in marriage (because I REALLY believe in marriage.).and caring when taking care and loving children.. I just don't understand why someone would love someone so hostile.

Is it possible that HE is making her hostile? He seems like a nice guy...but maybe he is not.

I really don't know what I am asking, but does anyone understand?

Answer 1

There appears to be quite a full plate of emotions here however I'm sure there's even more baggage here than stated.. This item is full of fantasy & speculation at best. I know better too ; there's something underneath this as well. It's clear you have a crush on this womans husband ; & normal to feel animosity toward her because he is hers. However you need to cool your jets honey & try to keep an open mind. Rather than clouding your mind with lust for this man, focus on being that "good wife" you refer to by giving an extra effort toward pleasing your husband physically & emotionally.. You know what I'm referring to. These thoughts of yours will pass ; they always do with females. Otherwise, all I'm going to advise is for you to begin psychotherapy.... Tried & true !

Answer 2

have you considered possibly becoming a friend to his wife? things aren't always what they seem...i'm talking from experience. maybe she needs a good friend...maybe she had a lousy mother/home life as well and doesn't know anything different. as far as fantasizing about her husband, every time thoughts of him come up, turn your thoughts to your own husband. and pray!!!! God will give you a way to get through this! He is faithful

Answer 3

As in any fantasy situation, you have created these people in the image YOU want.

You know nothing of their relationship inside their marriage, or of how this woman feels towards her husband and children.

These supposed faults perceived by you are an excuse to dislike her and feel better about the lust you feel towards her husband.

From time to time, most people get 'crushes' on someone inappropriate, it can happen at any age, young or old.

If you do really value your own marriage and respect this man, instead of dwelling on your yearnings, you'll try your best to avoid causing any real life damage because of these fantasies.

When you start to feel hoy and bothered about this guy, go for a long, brisk walk, ring up your mother to have a chat, call and friend and meet for cofee, clean out the bottom drawer you've been meaning to do for a while ~ in short, anything to divert your mind and attention.

This type of thing usually passes off in a couple of weeks, unless you keep fanning the flames.

It's a good idea to avoid social contact with the guy AND his family for a while. Say you feel sick, whatever, just stay away.

Best wishes :-)

Answer 4

and people give me weird looks when I say I am part of the marriage strike.....

      I suggest staying far away from this guy.

Because he is never going to leave his wife. When men cheat, statistically they do not abandon there family. When women cheat they do. When they cheat with a married man they end up alone.

And fantasy's never tend to live up to expectations.

I suggest you go to a counselor and then a marriage counselor with your husband.

But maybe if you focused on being a better partner to YOUR husband you might stop obsessing about another man because his wife treat's him badly.

Answer 5

Here’s the deal. It sounds to me like you’re finding any and everything you can that may possibly be wrong with his wife to justify the feelings you have (or may think you have) towards him. You know nothing about this woman, or how she conducts herself in her marriage; so with that being said please stop trying to find possible points of failure with her to make you feel better about being attracted to her husband.

Now, that I’ve got that out of the way. Put yourself in his wife shoes and ask yourself, how would you feel (honestly) if some woman had he hots for your man? And what would you do if you found that she was judging you the same way you’re judging this mans wife? You would be pretty pissed off! Because I know I would.  And he could be making her hostile, the grass always looks greener on the other side, until you actually step over the fence and see it for yourself. I think you need to stop focusing on someone else’s marriage and start focusing on your own. Because I’m pretty sure the reason why you’re lusting after this other man is because you feel like you’re “lacking” something in your own. Make sure you’re being the ideal wife to your husband so that he doesn’t find someone else to lust after in your place. No happily married woman I know would spend more time poking her nose into someone else’s business if she wasn’t worried (or cared) about taking care of what’s going on in  her own household.

The only thing you need to do is stop worrying about how s**y or attracted you are to this man (whom is not your husband) and start worrying about improving the marriage that you’re already in. Before some other woman comes along and see’s something in your man that you no longer see and take him away from you (talking the same S**t about you that you’re talking about the other mans wife). Deliver me from people who’re not thankful for what they have, because they so busy wanting what some else has got.

Some words from the almighty:

Adulty Matthew 5:27

“You have heard that it was said, you shall not commit adultery. Bt I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully (or a man in your case) has already committed adultery with her (or him) in his heart (or our heart).”

Divorce Mark 10:6

“At the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become on flesh. So they are no longer two but one. There for what god has joined together, let no one separate (that goes for you and your husband, and this man and his wife).

Clean up your own “house” before you try to move into someone else’s.

Answer 6

You can love your husband and still not be satisfied with who he is. Sometimes, we build up fantasy ideas in our heads as to who people are and when they don't live up to it(how can they? they don't even know what it is) we resent them. Remember this guy you are fantasying about is just a fantasy too, he may not be the guy you think. Maybe he is a decent guy but that doesn't mean he is exactly what you think. If it is just a sexual attraction you probably just want what you can't have. It's human nature.

Answer 7

Let me get this straight you think that this guys wife is self centered, childlike and a horrible person but you are married and fantasizing about her husband?  I'd hate to hear your definition a a beautiful person.

Answer 8

>>>I really don't know what I am asking, but does anyone understand?>>>

Yes, I think I understand.  

You think that his wife is the one with the *horrid attitude,* but I'd run a check on your OWN attitude before you go judging someone else's.

After all, SHE is not the one obsessing about other women's husbands.   The only one doing that is the person you see in the mirror.

You're also probably seeing her as an unkind, self-centered person because that's the way you WANT to see her.  

You have the hots for her husband -- so, that will automatically make her a bad person in your eyes.   Which is not fair to her.

And to say nothing of the fact that you have a husband of your own.   I guess that part of your marriage vow where you promised to keep yourself only for your husband isn't really blipping too strongly on the screen right now.   Nobody is causing that to happen but you.

I suggest you stop looking at the other side of the fence and what might be greener grass over there -- and start appreciating what you have.  

I think you're a bit too old for these adolescent-type infatuations, don't you?

.

Answer 9

Certain of the antidepressants are useful in treating obsessional thinking;  ask your physician.  Maybe it would be useful for you to discuss your issue with a licensed therapist.

Alternatively, grow up and mind your own business.

Answer 10

I think even when you're with someone, its nice to be noticed by other guys and to even think other guys are attractive, but don't do anything irrational and throw away a good thing. Fantasies are often fantasies and reality is a different thing. Maybe you should distance yourself from this couple and just focus on your life with your husband.