I am married for 13 years with a daughter and am in love with a colleague who is about 12 yrs older to me.?

Question

He is in a different location. I had s*x with him and did not feel bad about it either. I know it was wrong. But pls. don’t ask me to leave my husband. – I cannt ruin my parent’s and inlaws family they would be shattered, I don’t want to be the cause for it. .I don’t think this guy has a bad marriage but I have a busy husband either with his work or with his parents and I have ended up telling this colleague of mine that I love him a real lot which I feel I do. I love him a lot he is humorous, non judgmental very compassionate. He tells me that he has a great relationship with his wife – this he ensures he tells me often. I give him calls and many times he just ignores my calls but as soon as I stop talking to me he initiates communication between us – making it more difficult for me to forget him.Pls. help me out of this!!! It really hurts to think that I cannot love him all my life but then I don’t want to ruin all that I have gathered with my husband.

Answer 1

A bird in hand is worth than two in the bush .Never spoil the duck laying the golden eggs .

Answer 2

do not fall in love ,have physical enjoyment with permission and forget...

Answer 3

sorry but you cant have it both ways, you say you want to stay with your husband and dont want to end the marriage then you have to finish with your lover, and stay away from him and concentrate on your husband.

on the other hand if you dont love your husband then you must end the marriage as its not fair on him or your daughter.

You can both be brilliant parents to her without being in a relationship with each other, and as for upsetting the inlaws and your parents, its your life and you need to do whats right.

Make your decision and stick with it.

Answer 4

I solely believe that you're just missing your husband out of him because you mention that he's got no time for you while that guy got the time to have fun with you. stay away from him if you really love your family, you wont bother to think about him anymore. Change your number so that he can't tease you anymore by calling you when in fact you already decided to give up on him... Then talk to your husband, pour your heart out with him,well your husband okay?

Answer 5

Hi Lady,

This is not love. You hv just fallen for him since u missed attention from ur husband. It is a mistake. But, corect it when u realise what u have made. It is good you know u should not shatter a nice family. Not one, you will end up shattering 2 families. If ur frnd is really good and if u see this as a stray incedent that happened in some heat, forget it. Talk to him and make it clear that u both should value frndship and each other's family welfare. Forget it as a bad dream and get it burried deep down, so that it doesnt surface ever.

About what is happening between u and ur hubby. It is clear u love him and care for him a lot. He is tied up and busy due to his commitments as u see ur daughter growing up and u know what all needed as the days goes. It is natural for guys in late 30ies and 40ies. But as a responsible wife, you have to make him take his time out of his routine and spend time with u and ur daughter. I agree that s*x is something essential at this age for you. Nothing wrong in even talk to ur husband that u need it once in a while. after living together for 13 years, sure he wont take it in wrong sense. That will make the bond between u both stronger. like u miss it, sure he also is missing, may be for what ever reason he knows.

As we grow, most of the time we do things for othes rather than for ourself. You have to see what is the right thing that u need to do keeping in mind ur daughter and family. As you r aware, a wife slip this way will damage the whole family beyond repair. And i leave it to u to think abt how much it puts ur daughter in trouble in her married life later.

If u think u cannt forget the other person and cannt consider him as a frnd alone, better close the contact for the sake of ur husband and daughter.

msg me in YM if u wish

Answer 6

Just get out of his life and stop spoiling both of yours life.

Answer 7

Hi,

It really wrong what u did ....

U have a daughter... that too 13 yrs married life...

Then how come u had such thot abt another men...??????????

By this act, u have proved that ur marriage life is false... and u didnt love ur family....

Try to chnage ur mind... be a genunine wife to ur husband, and a good mom to ur daughter...................

Answer 8

u dont have to talk to him, thats the solution otherwise it will not be good for u as ell for that person and not for your family, forgot allthose things which u have done, continue with your husband, how a 13year old girl will feel abt u, when she will know abt u, it will be the death of a mother for her, and how she will live, u dont think

Answer 9

Enjoy the comforts of both the worlds!

Answer 10

Dear Confused,

I know after hearing this many would brand you as a bad girl. It is unfortunate you came across this situation. Even many girls in your situation would have done the same (with all the given circumstances you had). Some girls are emotionally strong, but you seems to be little weak.

Lust is within all of us. We are getting attracted to many in life. Not many get these opportunities to take it further, hence they escape. Some are caught in this web. Actually it is sad.

I am sure you both are feeling guilty but also loved what you did. It happens. You would be tempted to it again and again, but you know for sure it is going to ruin many lives. Hence stop it. It is all within you.

When you call him many times, you are initiating. He too is feeling guilt, so he is ignoring. Basically he is controlling you. When you stop calling him, he is not able to control himself but calling you.

Every new relationship would look romantic. Every other person would be more attractive than your partner. But if you actually live with them, you will realize it is all same. Your husband is as good as the new person. But he is concentrating on different priorities in life. However he too will be very interesting for some other women.

In life you always cannot get what you want. You should be satisfied with what you have got.

You realize that it is a mistake. You know it is not right for your family or his family. You have a daughter and at least for her sake you need to continue in this marriage.  He is also married and he is also in the same situation as yours.

Try to show more love to your husband. Take care him and be nice to him, then see the change in him. Communicate with him. Don’t always find fault in him. When you do this your marriage life will be more interesting.

Only when you make your married life more interesting, you will be able to forget this new man in your life.

Concentrate on your daughter too. This too will help you. This sacrifice what you make today will save your family and tomorrow you will appreciate what you did.

Don’t feel bad, sad and get in to depression. Mistakes do happen but it all depends on how you control yourself and don’t repeat the mistakes.

I know you can do it …… you will do it … may god bless you

With warm regards

Gentleman

Answer 11

send him to live with me.

Answer 12

Enjoy

Answer 13

It is because of loose mental.  Do meditation for about 30 minutes.  Write everyday's activities for a week and read it and you will realise that your thining is utterly worst and wrong. Take leave for a week and go to pilgrimage with family so that you will get rid off from this.

Answer 14

Hi,

you are already married and u have daughter again why u required these things in your life, please try to avoid this kind of activites.