I am newly married and need a little advice...?

Question

I grew up on a family where there were NO compliments and just picking. My mom would pick on my dad and vice versa...not laughing either, it would hurt them both. My husband is the type that needs reassurance and to be built up with words and I think I do a pretty good job considering what I was taught. But I still have the habit to pick on him some...What can I do to stop it and be a better wife?

Answer 1

think before you speak

its hard to brake things/habits that you've grew up around...thats why there are many alcoholics and other bad behavior around...your husband has to wise up and remember that its going to be hard as you try and brake the bad comments,and just ecnore you.  

Answer 2

Not to sound harsh, but slow down and think before you speak.  

Answer 3

every friday night when he gets home from work have a cold six pack a large pizza hand him the remote and for dessert offer some oral and would be the best way too say u love him

Answer 4

Always be open, honest, and encouraging with your words, communication, and conversation. Most men need a woman's reassurance to be that much more sure of himself, although many will not admit it. When in love we all tend to "pick" on the ones we love from time to time. Make sure that you are crossing no sensitive lines with it, and keep it all in fun and all in love, and the two of you should be fine.  

Answer 5

think before you speak.

Answer 6

Make sure you keep an open communication. Be honest with your husband and make him aware of your struggle...he probably already knows! Ask him to be honest when he feels hurt by your words. Sometimes you might not notice you are doing it. If you are prepared for him to sometimes stop and tell you that you are picking on him, hopefully you can start to stop it before it starts. Good Luck.

Answer 7

First i would say to have an open conversation with him and tell him how you feel because if he has warning then maybe he will understand better when you have a slip. Second I would say to simply set aside some time each day to just think about what you adore about him and let that linger in your mind and then the compliments tend to just flow from there. and lastly I would have to point out that him needing compliments all the time isn't healthy either. He needs to be self-confident. He needs to know within himself that he is an okay guy just as you need to know that you are an okay girl. It is good that your recognize this as early on as you are, though. It shows a willingness to make this a lasting marriage.

Answer 8

Just be yourself... be supportive to your new husband as he should be supportive to you...  treat him like you would want him to treat you.

be a nice person... not negative... good luck with your marriage

Answer 9

First, kudos to you.  Very few people are willing to work to make things better or change a negative trait--so that is a big plus for you and your marriage.  Second, effective behavior modification requires immediate reinforcement.  My advice is every time you "pick" you have to give him $5.  Or better, perform a sexual act of his choosing ie. oral s*x--trust me he will be into this and you can not only change the behavior, you will make changing this habit into a fun and wonderful experience.

Answer 10

How you say it, beats, What you say anyday!

Answer 11

It can be hard to break old patterns, just start a new one and it will grown on you just the same as the original. Instead of call ing him names, just call him sweet names, and it will eventually become a new habit

Answer 12

be aware of your thoughts before you say them, as in think before you speak. and just make sure to let him know that you love him.

Answer 13

Sometimes criticism, constructive or otherwise, is important. Negative comments, those to the extent of expressing that you do not appreciate or tolerate certain behaviors and what not, are good in a relationship. Criticism can also force a person to take another perspective on themselves and create a drive to improve or express themselves more effectively. Because you are unclear as to what you call picking exactly, I don't think it is a problem. It's okay not to like your partner at all times or to express that he or she is annoying you at times. Sometimes the truth hurts and as your husband's partner, you may have the role of dishing it out. As an adult, it is his responsibility to deal with his short comings, just don't be unnecessary or abusive with it. You have to set up your own boundraries even within marriage. Two becoming one, in the sense of identity and expression, might just ruin your marriage.

If your 'picking' is unneccesary or not constructive, become aware of why and what you can do to change these behaviors. Think of positive and constructive ways of communicating your wants, needs and feelings. Brain storm and always think before you act. When you're feeling something negative, don't be caught up with what your heart is telling you. Your heart doesn't tell you anything. All gut feelings come from thoughts. Practice becoming aware of these thoughts. Write a diary. Perhaps, seek some counselling.

Answer 14

The fact that you're realizing what you're doing and how you need to change it is a big deal.  Kudos to you for not being prideful and saying he needs to suck it up, etc.  

Sit him down and talk to him sometime.  Explain to him that you realize this is a habit of yours that needs to go, and ask him to make suggestions as to what you can do to make him feel better and help your relationship grow and progress.  

I guess my only advice would be to try to be as open and honest about things as possible.  Tell yourself you're going to respect him and treat him right.  Be watchful of yourself, and try to catch yourself doing it.  If you happen to catch yourself, stop yourself and apologize to him.  It takes a lot of humility to do so, but you sound like you have it.  I think your marriage will be just fine. ;)

Good luck.