I am not happy with my engagement ring?

Question

My partner bought a used engagement ring from ebay for me in one of his 'bad' months when the money was limited. Although he earns a very good salary, he just took the impulsive decision to invest into a second hand ring because he wanted to give it to me at a concert night. I accidently found the ring in his study room and he had to explain to me the whole story. Am I right in getting upset about it? He earns a lot of money and has invested into bigger things recently. Purchased an expensive diamond bracelet for me a few weeks back & is buying a car now. Am I being insensitive in judging my worth with that ring? He is suggesting that I do not accept it and he will invest into a better one after a few months. I feel very low and it is causing a lot of rift in our relationship. I don't want to sound like a materialistic person but I wasn't expecting such a low quality purchase from him for a very special occassion. He has always maintained very high precision. Am I wrong in making assumption that he doesnt love me enough and hence made this purchase. Plus I am superstitious about accepting a used ring since it comes from a broken heart and relationship already. Please share your thoughts with me. I love him lots and this is driving us apart. Should I accept what he has or go with his offer of buying another one?

Answer 1

First of all just because it is a used ring, does not mean it came from a broke engagement or marriage.... That is just you trying to make excuses for the fact that you are acting like a greedy "you know what".... The amount of money someone spends on you does not reflect on how much that person loves you.  The sooner you understand that the better.

You are a real piece of work, and i feel sorry for your fiance and i hope that he comes to his senses. Or at least you come to yours! MARRIAGE IS NOT ABOUT THE RING!!!! ITS ABOUT THE COUPLE AND HOW MUCH THEY LOVE AND CHERISH EACHOTHER!

Answer 2

My fiance didn't have much money and I would have been mad had he spent a lot.  My ring was purchased from a jewelry store brand new but it was under $500.  I love the ring it is perfect! I would have been grateful to get anything from him.  He even bought you a bracelet and you're still complaining? What more can this guy do?  

Answer 3

If he said that he would buy you a new ring later, then just treasure the one you have for now.  Maybe since he wanted to give it to you at the concert he didn't have time to get a new one.  Don't worry about it.  Don't get me wrong, I would probably be upset too if I found that out, but if you hadn't found out about how he bought it, you would be the happiest girl in the world, and so in love with your ring, right?

Answer 4

id feel exactly the same as u!

(im female btw! on my bf account!!!)

Answer 5

I think you are being dramatic. So what if he makes enough money. It is the thought, not the money. The only thing that would bother me, is that it was someones ring and if they are selling it, then the ring has been through a breakup and I wouldn't want that bad luck. So I'd either ask him to come with me and do something to purify it in a sense that would make me feel better about that aspect. I think it is the thought that counts. He's a guy and guys don't think the way we do. In the future, stop snooping around. If he had just given it to you and you were not being nosy, then you wouldn't be making a dramatic issue in your relationship and ruening the happiness of being engaged. YOu'd instead be happy and where the ring was purchased would be irrelevant as it should be. It is a material object, his love is from his heart not a ring.

Answer 6

My fiancee bought me a second hand ring from eBay, an antique, and I love it. What more do I love? I love the fact that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, more then anything else, the thought of spending the rest of my time on this planet with him excites me more then any possession he can give me.

I am sorry, but the only problem I see here, is YOUR behavior. Obviously you value money more then your relationship. Give everything back, and walk away, you obviously don't care that much, and for him to try while he was tight on money, and you just being rude about it, proves that he deserves better. You should feel ashamed.

Answer 7

I would be upset only because that ring wasn't "YOURS". Who knows who wore that..and maybe the relationship didn't work out.  I don't think you sound stuck up or anything like that. I would have been happier with a small ring or just a band vs a used ring from ebay.  Maybe try talking to him about it just explain its really not what you had in mind. I mean that ring is going to be on your hand for the rest of your life!

When you do talk to him about it if he seems like hes getting upset/mad. Wait a few months and maybe pick up a few hours at your job and ask to trade it in on a "bigger ring" And help pay.

Your not wrong for thinking that he doesn't love you enough. I'm sure he does since he did ask you to marry him.. but right now my boyfriend won't buy a ring at all he keeps blaming money..so I'm starting to wonder I think its just a girl thing!

Answer 8

I can kind of see you're point on this, I'd rather take a smaller ring than a second hand one, I wouldn't want a ring knowing that it either came from a broken marriage or that things were so bad for someone that the only option they had was to sell their wedding ring! I would explain that to him if you really feel that strongly about it

Answer 9

There is nothing wrong with a  previously worn ring and because if that you bet  better price but that value does not change.  What does the ring appraise at?  That's is what matters.  

Answer 10

If it was just a regular ring I would tell you not to be so superficial but it is an engagement ring and it's not like he doesn't have the money for the MOST important ring.  So stop letting this get in the way of the relationship and take him up on his offer.  Why haven't you taken him up already?  If you are afraid to communicate your feelings to him now you're marriage won't last when you need to communicate how you feel on the important things.  Take him up on it and be happy and stop letting this little thing tear you guys apart!!  Happy shopping!

Answer 11

Sorry, but you sound like a spoiled, ungrateful brat.

Answer 12

You are being very difficult. I can understand the fact you may not be fond of the idea he got it from ebay or second hand but what counts is he wants to be with you. It almost sounds like the ring means to you more than his want to be with you as an eternal symbol. Now i wouldn't call what i am saying as unreasonable or being difficult. But you on the other hand...it sounds too much.

To me i do not blame him for thinking that he is worthless to you and he cannot make you one slight bit happy...when you are not even examining how hard it is to let alone get a ring, pluck up the courage to purchase it and propose to the person. You sound like a very ungrateful person (you may not be like that as a whole but this moment is very important and special. As a result to act like that, yes it makes you a materialistic person..you are more too what one gives you things than to what one makes you feel within)..it is not like you are going to wear this ring on your actually wedding day.

Come on..you are being unreasonable...your beloved has tried and i say TRIED with capitals letters. If you don't know what you have which is a blessing then i really do not know what to say to you..

Answer 13

Not sure what the best answer here is, however you can bring the excuse of it being second hand ring and broken heart story behind it and say that you would much rather have a new ring. Do not tell him about the price of the ring. That will sound very bad. This way he will get a new ring.

Answer 14

I wouldn't even bother with you. Some women are never happy. The man gives you everything and you still complain. That's sad. You know how many women want to be in your shoes? You have a good guy who does everything for you he buys a ring of lesser value and he suddenly doesn't love you. See the problem is your use to living a life full of everything and getting everything but sometimes people have money issues even your man. So buck up and get over yourself before your man decides he doesn't want anything to do with you. To me your all about money and the things you can get it's not about love.

Answer 15

Has he actually proposed yet? I think you should accept the ring and the proposal. I think you should like the ring you have for now. He always can buy and replace that ring later. It is strange how he is such a good materialist guy and bought that ring, but you should still accept it how it is. You can replace it later.

Answer 16

You sound like a materialistic w***e to me.  Get a life....your boyfriend deserves much better.....a lady who appreciates the smaller things in life.  Rich materialistic women make me sick to my stomach!!  Get a reality check!

Answer 17

Huh? An engagement ring is supposed to symbolize committment. Why do you think that the cost of the ring is much more important than what it symbolizes? Also, how did you find out he got it from eBay? Were you snooping where your nose didn't belong?! Ugh! I hope your hubby-to-be realized how materialistic you are. Maybe he didn't want to spend so much on an engagement ring cause he would rather put that $ in the bank towards the future, the wedding, the honeymoon etc.

Stop acting so childish!!  

Answer 18

Honestly stop worrying that he doesn't love you enough.  he got you the low quality ring because he wanted to propose to you at a specific time and that's all the money he had for it at the moment.  I'd say it was quite the opposite he loves you allot and he was excited to get engaged.  My fiance did something very similar.  He was at the mall and went into a store to look at rings just to see prices he wound up buying one and proposing that night.  The fact that he wants to marry you should be enough.  Accept the ring he bought you because that is a symbol of his love for you and that's what is important love not material things.

Answer 19

wow...so it's the ring you want not the man, go ahead and demand a bigger one.

Issues with a used ring is one thing, anyone can understand that, but issues cause "he doesn't love me enough to buy me a bigger one"...altogether different issue.

ask yourself, how would you feel if you proposed and someone turned thier nose up and said you don't love me enough it's too small. I'd be leaving it with you and taking off out the door while telling you to pawn it to buy yourself a bigger one.    

Answer 20

i would not accept a used ring either, Bad memories are inscripted into them.

Object carry memories and a ring which has been resold is bad luck to me.

If he has the money for the rest.......he should have the money to buy you a decent ring..

Although do not be fussy ~~ please..intentions counts most of all. The wallet is not always an indication.

But in your place,,,,,,,,,yes...I would be disappointed. Have heard of guys giving their deceased mother engagement ring and all that..

I might be picky.. but...

I would NEVER accept a ring from a pawn shop or whatever..call me superticious...........I just believe that everything carries memories.

Answer 21

tell him to re-sell

it on e-bay and take

you shopping for

the "real" one

Answer 22

Well since he just bought the bracelet and car, money might be a little tight at the moment. How about telling him that you really only want one ring, and the current stand-in "as nice as it is" is really only a stand-in and so you feel funny wearing it. Explain to him that you want that ring to be special, because it holds a deep significance. Tell him you would rather just wait several months for the real ring, instead of wearing a stand-in.

If the guy was planning on buying another ring in the near future anyway, I would not want to wear a stand-in.

You are wrong to question his love, however. He probably just doenst realize that the engagement ring is so sentimental and you cant feel sentimental about a ring that you know is merely a stand-in. Guys just dont think of things like that.

Answer 23

"Low quality purchase. This is driving us apart."

It's a ring; a material object. Honestly, some women don't seem to understand that it's not about status. Perhaps, he was already thinking about his own finances and not about how you'd feel about a second hand ring. Don't feel low, but don't be so shallow about your relationship over a ring.

Answer 24

I think it's important that he went out of his way to make the purchase even when money was tight. Instead of not proposing to you at all, he did it with a slightly less than impressive ring. Because he wanted to share his life with you - that's the real meaning behind the rock. I'm glad you were honest with him about your feelings for it, and if he's able to go buy a new car I think he can also go buy a nicer ring. He knows it means a lot to you and you're right, it represents a failed relationship. I'm sure he'll be fine with getting you a new one, and proposing all over again :)

Answer 25

People are very different.  Some find the meaning of the ring the sole decider of their pleasure.  Others find that the story behind the ring also has meaning.

Some people are really practical about buying  a ring and others have a more romantic notion.  Each is right in their own way.

The bottom line is that you have certain expectations that haven't been met.  You are right in being honest about them.  You and your fiance need to be open and honest about expectations and this is a good first step.

Since he has offered to buy you a new ring, graciously accept the offer.

Answer 26

u have an expensive diamond bracelet and you're upset abt the ring? getting a used ring for something that meaningful is wrong but you dont seem worried more about the sentiment rather more concerned abt the value. If its an engagement ring you need to get your priorites together. he was wrong yes for getting something so meaningful second hand but your upset for the wrong reason. Also he prob told you that because he couldnt explain the ring and will substitue it at a later date....just dnt accept that ring but deny it for the right reasons its not the cost...ring shows new beginnings....new opportunities....a used one shows failure among other stuff....just talk to him. Being more mature, its a ring he treats you good, you'd have a gret relationship...just tell him if he's the stubborn type...you like it but you want a new one...throw a ***** fit and its yours. Girl dont lose your man for a ring....many women settle for less, how he treats you is wat matters....the rest is insignificant.

Answer 27

Honestly, i know exactly where you are coming from. My fiance bought me a ring from a "friend of a friend" who is very young and already divorced. He lied to me and told me he bought it but i quickly found out the truth. I wasn't heart broken about the ring, its a beautiful 2ct bridal set, but at the fact that he lied to me about where it came from. I too thought it may be bad luck because it came from an already failed marriage. But i quickly realized that marriage has nothing to do with the jewelry you wear or where it came from. Your marriage is what you make it.

Ask yourself if you hadn't found out it was second hand would you be happy with it? He wanted to get you something right away and that's what it was. Maybe it wasn't the best choice for him to make, but he made it regardless. He offered to buy you another one. So in my opinion i would wear it with pride for awhile and decide whether or not you truley need a new one.

Good Luck

Answer 28

I think you are letting the whole second-hand thing into this too much. If you don't like how the ring looks, then find a different one that you both like. It is fine to shop around. This isn't a pair of stinky old sneakers we are talking about, its a ring! I doubt it got damaged by the first owner and he probably got a good deal.

If you like the ring but just don't like that its second-hand, well you can't really control your feelings but I think you should just suck it up. the ring represents your partner's love for you, they bought it on impulse because they thought the time was right, and they didn't spend a ridiculous amount on it.  

Answer 29

Wow, you're a piece of work.  He buys you a diamond bracelet and two rings and you're giving him a hard time.  I'd have dumped you before the ring ever was replaced.

Answer 30

My fiance could've given me a popcan top, and it would've made me just as happy.

The man wants to marry you, just you, and you're letting a ring drive you apart?

Is it really about the ring?

Answer 31

I would think the same as you only in respect of the second hand aspect of it,.

He said he would replace it in a few months, so wear it until then, show you are committed to him with this ring and accept the new one when it arrives.

Good luck, remember its not going to sit next to your wedding ring so be gracious right now.