I am not sexually attracted to my Boyfriend, what can I do?

Question

I have been with him for 2 years, but this all happened very early on.

Let me say, I Love him, he is a good man, we get along, we have fun. But I don't desire him physically.

Our relationship would be PERFECT if I could just have passion and chemistry. I truly do not want to give this relationship up, I know I will never find a man who adores me like he does.

We have discussed marriage and I would love to marry him, but honestly I worry about the lack of passion.

Also, we are not kids, I am 44 and he is 43. Neither one of us has ever been married. We both make a good living and would have a very comfortable life together.

Some people would say that at my age (which I am a VERY young 44) that s*x shouldn't be that important anymore. I don't agree.

Anyway......Can a marriage last or even be attempted when one person lacks desire?

Yes, I am putting this in Marriage and Divorce because I want adult answers, not teen answers.

Also please no nasty responses, this is serious.

Thank you!

Answer 1

u show all ur love towards him.tel him he z d best guy in world

Answer 2

I think there's something here that every one has failed to address. Theoretically it makes sense when you say , if you have the chemistry then go for it, if you dont, then leave it. But in practice, its never clear cut like that. Its never zero or hundred. So you cannot make the decision on that basis.

However you should remember one thing. It's an extremely rare thing that one is lucky enough to truly mean it when they say that their partner loves them and adores them. And you are one of those lucky few. SO first you should count your blessings on that one. Secondly you should remember, that sexual attraction , and looks, are not related in such a straightforward manner. In other words, if you think you look much better than him, that does not necessarily mean that he is sexually more comfortable with you than you are with him. Chances are, that when you are not comfortable with him sexually, he isnt either, but because of the fact that he loves you and adores you, he looks past that. That does not however mean, that you HAVE to look past that. If it's important to you its important to you, and thats that.

Before I tell you what I suggest you do, I wanna dwell on something else too. And it's about what we consider sexually attractive. By principles of evolution, a man is considered sexually attractive by a woman due to various reasons. These reasons can be categorised as general and specific to you. The general reasons are, signs that show that you are safe with him, and that he can make you have healthy offspring, and ensure their safety too. Unfortunately, the physical qualities that a man had to have in order to provide safety to a woman, have been hardwired into brains of women, where they still get drawn to broad shoulders, or a strong chest, or some one who is tall , whereas in this day and age none of those might help your survival at all. So when you look for physical features that attract you, your brain is playing tricks on you that you have to go for a "cave man", because your subconcious mind has been programmed over generations to be not in tune with needs of present day society. Things like money, brains, and how much they care about you would ensure your survival much better than broad shoulders, or a chiseled jawline. Just think about it. Talking about specific factors, we get attracted to people of the opposite s*x who has immunity against a different set of foriegn bodies to what we have, because that would give rise to healthy offspring. And this still makes sense.

So what I want you to do is this. First come to the realisation, that physical attraction is based on evolutionary needs, i.e. your safety, and the well being of your offspring. Then come to the realisation, that what you look for physically in some one, is influenced by the needs of a time when we used to hang out in tribes. Then conciously understand, what exactly he needs to have, in order to satisfy your evolutionary needs, in the current day context. You will begin to see him in a different light, if he really does love you the way you say you do, because in the current context, that's way more important. After you have done that, see how the s*x turns out. If you are still not into it, then the chances are that you two are genetically incompatible, and there's no way out of that, other than letting him go and finding some one else. One word of caution though. After you come to the first realisation about what you should look for in a person to satisfy your evolutionary needs, give it some time to see how the s*x turns out afterwards, cos it may take quite a bit of time before your programming is properly replaced by conscious thought. Just dont rush. You are in your prime, so take your time. Dont lose something that's precious, out of some sort of irrational time rush. Hope this helps. Do post and let me know if it makes any sense.

Answer 3

Go explore your sexuality at a safe institute... maybe a brothel?
maybe your a L*****n?