I am pregnant with twins but i cannot handle two, i want to adopt the other out..Is that normal?

Question

One baby is going to keep me on my toes, im 18 years old, with no help so if you were in my place would you adopt the other one out?

I cannot take care of two, i know this so don't tell me any different.

Answer 1

No it's not normal.  It is selfish.  If you can handle the grown up behavior of s*x, then you need to accept the grown up consequences that are part of it.  If you can't take care of 2, then you can't take of 1 because the same all-about-me attitude that's making you want to give up one is going to take over and the baby is the one who will pay for it.  Don't separate them.  You'll regret it later.  Right now you are too selfish and immature to see it, but in 10 or 15 or 20 years when you are grown up you will think "What did I do?"  He will find out eventually.  How are you going to explain your actions to your shocked, bewildered son that you gave away his brother?  Do the right thing and give them both up.

And don't tell us not to judge you.  You asked us to.

Answer 2

ho no you should never do that,                                                    youll be very sorry if you do`?

Answer 3

YOU PROBABLY CAN NOT TAKE CARE OF 1 EITHER... DONT YOU THINK THAT IT IS WRONG TO SEPARATE SIBLINGS! WHAT IF YOU WERE A TWIN, AND YOUR MOM GAVE YOUR SISTER/BROTHER AWAY, HOW WOULD THAT MAKE YOU FEEL.... HOW DO YOU THINK THE OTHER CHILD WOULD FEEL... SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE JUST THINKING OF YOURSELF, AND NOT YOUR UN-BORN CHILDREN.... IN THIS CASE YOU SHOULD JUST GIVE THEM BOTH UP... THAT WOULD BE BETTER THAN SEPARATING BLOOD....

MAYBE THE NEXT TIME YOU DECIDE TO HAVE UN-PROTECTED s*x, YOU WILL FULLY THINK OUT WHAT MAY OCCUR IN 9 MONTHS....

Answer 4

my sister had twins at 16, my step-sister had twins at 25, my sister inlaw had them at 15, if they can do it, so can you. but if you give up one, give them both up, it's not fair to keep one and pitch the other.

Answer 5

I suggest you re-post the question the day after you give birth and feel confident you can point to the the 'other' baby you want to 'give away'.

Answer 6

I sort of agree that twins should not be separated, but the cold fact about adopting them both out is that they may end up getting separated anyway.  Most couples generally only want ONE child.  I will not criticize.  You do what you feel you have to do.  I have an older child and she has a baby sis I placed for adoption at birth(divorced from my husband, their father).  It is a hard decision.  I know you think it might be easy, but it is not.  THINK REALLY HARD ABOUT THIS.  If you do, in fact, decide to place one child for adoption, be preapared for the resentment from the one you kept when they find out they have a twin or if the other finds you and asks "why did you pick him/her over me?"

You're young and overwhelmed.  It IS normal.

Jamie's Babe- "you should've kept your legs closed!"  Sounds like something a chauvenstic man might say.  Crude and prudish.  Get a life.

Answer 7

Your 18 'but' you will have to look after both of them, what kind of mother could you call your self for doing this what will the kids think of you when the understand a bit.   You can get government help in funding and care. It may be ur hormones playing up.

* I got a feeling this question is made up look  at her previous questions.

Answer 8

I am not trying to judge you at all. But think about how your sons will feel, especially the one who you give out for adoption. Think about how unloved and worthless and wretched he would feel knowing that you chose his brother over him. He would hate himself, his brother, and you. I can see your point that things probably won't work out financially, but believe me, there are more important things than money. The most important is love. And it seems to me that it would be better for you to just give them both up for adoption together. No mother who loves her kids would give one of the twins up for adoption because it would be easier on her. She thinks about the kids and their feelings first. And at least if you give them both up they will have each other. That seems like it would be the most selfless thing for you to do.

Answer 9

You would be better off putting both of them up for adoption.  

Once theyre born, how are you going to choose which one to send off?  It would be an incredibly hard decision to make.  It's not cool to sperate twins.  You got yourself into this, so you need to live up to your responsibilities.

It's either both or none.  You'd be horrible to choose one baby over the other.

Answer 10

why did you make all the other questions u asked private? because someone already found you out ..lets see now... in another question u have a 15 yr old and in this question your 18 so that makes u what... 3 years old when u first gave birth...yeah right i don't hardly think that's possible your just another world wide web lier you need to see a shrink u sicko!!!!!

Answer 11

First of all...CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! Your a very blessed and privilaged woman.I really believe your just venting from a place of fear and believe it will subside...your twins will have such an unexplainable bond that if seperated,will somehow always feel lost forever.Please reconsider and allow yourself to feel all that your feeling,overwhelmingness,loss of control,extreme fear,all these are NORMAL.YOU are normal.This bit of advice is coming from someone who is PRO-adoption,since I, myself, was adopted 43 years ago...Adpotion is wonderful.I sincerely feel your twins are meant to be together though...God bless you all...Karen.

Answer 12

splitting up siblings???!!!!! Are you joking? How would you even be able to choose? If you are not ready for this kind of responsibility, then give them both up, and have them kept together.

Answer 13

well the other twin later on might feel rejected if it ever finds out it was a twin.  because it might feel like "what was so bad with me?" so either adopt all out or adopt none out. or make sure the one that is adopted out never finds out he is a twin. unless u r ok with people hating u. that sounds a little mean but please believe me i'm not trying to be mean.  i was adopted out of a family that had 2 children and i kinda feel like what did i do? so you know.....

Answer 14

You need to either keep both or adopt both out. There are woman your age that have 3 or 4 kids already.   Twins and other multiplies have an incredible bond they are together from conception to separate them is beyond cruel; they will probably always sense something is missing. Most adoption agency will no longer separate twins; you saw it all the time in the olden days. Sometimes it was done to observe twins growing up apart see the things that they did that were similar despite not growing up together.

Answer 15

you should lovingly give them both up for adoption, there is nothing sadder than a set of twins being seperated.  They go through life feeling like they are not a whole person.  If you know you can't take of of two, then you probably can't take care of one either.  Do yourself and them both a big favor, and give them both up.

Answer 16

maybe you should just adopt them both out. i think it could be really messed up if the other one finds out later that they had a twin they never knew about. and how could you possibly choose which one you're going to keep? this is one of the most unusual questions i've ever heard. good luck!

Answer 17

If you are not married, you should give them both up for adoption together!  Babies need the nourishment of both a mother and father who are mature, financially responsible and loving towards babies.

There are SO MANY loving families who would take care of both of your babies and it would be a huge blessing to them.  You are young enough to have more, when you are mature enough, married, and financially ready.

Now, go do the RIGHT thing!

. . . . I JUST READ SOME OF YOUR OTHER QUESTIONS, YOU ARE EITHER SOME CRAZY-SICKO PERSON OR JUST A LIAR - WHY DO YOU PLAY THESE GAMES??  ARE YOU JUST SO BORED WITH LIFE - IF SO, GO GET ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 18

I would recommend putting one up for adoption... but think about how you're going to decide. You should give the child up right away so that there's no sense of preference, and so you don't grow too attached. Keep in mind that if the child ever wants to find out who you are, s/he will wonder, "Why did you pick the other one?"

Answer 19

Twins have a bond that no other person has with another. If you do split them up. they will resent you for it. DONT SPLIT THEM UP. ITS EITHER BOTH OR NONE. not this one and not the other. Shame on you for thinking that.

Answer 20

From one mom to another......Babies are super expensive...and super demanding. If you can't take care of both then you have to do what you have to do as a mother. The only concern that I would have is that they will ALWAYS feel like they are missing something or someone...do you plan on telling the one that you keep that he/she was a twin? Are you willing to help them locate their twin and answer all of the questions that the one adopted out is going to have? Especially the one that goes "Why did you pick her/him and not me?" Just realize that adoption is not that easy....and if you are not a 100% sure then don't let anyone pressure you into making a decision that you are not ready for. Just try to look into the future...18 years from now. A person your age will have a million questions with NO easy answers,

do you think you can handle that?

Answer 21

I feel sad for you that you feel that way.  Keep them both, or adopt them both out...you'll regret it later in life if you adopted out just one.

Answer 22

Honest Truth!!

I would not do it!!! I have twin brothers who my parents adopted because their mother new she could not handle two. Good thing we knew her because if they would of went into the system the could of been split. Honestly you say you dont have help!! How is that possible. I know u have family. Dont think they wont help before you ask them. I am 21 and 3mnths pregnant I wanted a abortion because I thought my parents would flip. But the joy of having a baby is a blessing and a gift. You are gifted with two I really think your family will be happy. If anything abort one but dont split them. That is the worst thing you could do. How could you choose? Honestly you need to see a counsler or talk to family cause the adopt one out will be hard on you. Your child will know he/her is a twin and want to know where there brother or sister is. If you abort one then you wont have to deal with that. honestly though talk to your family or make a adoption to give both twins away to a family so that they stay together.

Answer 23

I hope you are just joking with this...if you can't take responsibility for both of your children give them both to someone who can.Your child you keep will end up hating you when they find out you gave away their twin. And when the baby is born get birth control!!

Updated: I just read your additional details and I do know what you are going through.I had a child when I was 19.The answer is you do what you have to to make it work.From now on it is not about you.You created a life.It doens' matter how it happened, but you have to stop thinking about yourself now and think about the miracle you are carrying.If you can't take care of 2 why do you think you can take care of 1?I stand by my opinion you should give them both up,and if birth control failed stop having s*x.

Answer 24

I'd tell you to keep them together. They will always have each other for support. It's sad that you want to separate them.

Answer 25

um i dont know, if u cant cope then i guess so. u havent given urself a chance though although u said not to tell u that its true!! i personally could not and would not give up a baby, especially seperating twins, BUT utimately u know urself and u know whether or not u can do this, good luck

Answer 26

you might not like my answer but yes you can cope with two, believe me i have 2 kids, fair eneough diff ages but my son is 7 and has aspergers syndrome, when he was 5 i got pregnant with my daughter and was absolutely terrified but knew i could not give her up at the end of the day my fault i got pregnant (thius day and age no need for anyone to get pregnant unless they want too) i am by myself bringing both up besti can its d**n hard work and sometimes yes i cry my eyess out and need  a break but i'm only human and if my daughter was twins i would have done same,hey if i can do it with kid with disibility i'm sure you can think hard as you will prob regret it and believe me it will be worth al the hard work when your little one puts arms round ypu and gives you a big kiss says love you mammy, my daughters 2 next week and i wouldnt have missed any of tjose 2 years for anything, very hard but worth it

Answer 27

what are you gonna do inny minny miny moe it? like others on here have said either stick it out with both of them or none at all. as sad as it sounds but you cant separate the two of them. two will be just as hard as one. you cant make them suffer to make it easier on yourself.

Answer 28

Not normal...  you'll think of something.. women have been doing it for years.....

Answer 29

Sounds like you have the "going to be a first time mom" jitters.  18 or not a lot of women are intimidated about after giving birth, even more so in your case since you have twins.  But the reality of this situation is that you are carrying around two lives inside your body.  You can feel them while they are awake, and asleep, and while they play with each other.  There is a special bond between the two of them, and I know you must feel some sort of bond between both of them and yourself.  Think about your actions before you actually go forth with this.  How will you decide which to keep and which to give away?  It won't be as easy as you may be thinking it to be.  Everything changes once you actually can hear them breathing and crying.

It may be really really scary, but you were given twins for a reason.  Look for some support systems within your family and friends.

Answer 30

If I were in "your" place I would have been using birth control since I couldn't afford to have children.

But since I am not. I would either have them both and keep them BOTH or I would give BOTH of them up for adoption. How could you possibly think it would be normal to want to keep 1 and give the other 1 up??? How are you going to pick? By the s*x? Hair color????

We are trying to adopt and having to go through all the "red tape" to finally have a child is crazy But not as crazy as this.

I would be looking into a very GOOD method of birth control after you do have these children. I am sure you have family that will/would help you if you just asked and told them what your ideas are.

GOOD LUCK

Answer 31

There are lots of people available to help you keep your babies.  email me if you want help

www.keepyourbaby.com

www.adoptioncrossroads.com

www.girlmom.com