I am sad, bitter and I hate myself ...

Question

I am a woman of 30 and to be honest I have never liked who I am. I have always struggled with my appearance no matter what I have done and the amount of money I have spent I have always been plagued by spots and blackheads even now which ruin my face. I try to have nice hair and dress well but I always end up a sweaty mess. I come from a very poor background but have tried to better myself and graduated top of my class from university and even won top prize in my whole year for my academic work but after leaving uni I have failed time and time again to get a decent job even though I know I can do the work as well or better than others. It's like my face just doesn't fit. I feel very bitter when I see other people who I was at Uni with who are mostly very pretty, middle class and have private school educations just walk into the same jobs I struggle to even get an interview for.

In the past few years I have practically given up, I work in a call centre, I've been depressed and put on weight which only makes me hate myself more. I want to feel like I've still got a chance to be who I want to be but maybe it's too late for me. I used to have hope but it's so hard now. I just wish I could die and start all over again.

How can I change when I feel so fundmentally flawed?

Answer 1

Wow! how could you hate yourself so much... you sound like a wonderful person that can overcome insurmountable odds. Do you know how odd it is that someone from a background like that goes on to graduate top of their class. If you can do that you can surely overcome this slum.

Try this... get on an exercise regimen, stick to it, eat well, take vitamins, go get your hair done (go somewhere really nice where they can give you a cut that fits your face), and try new face wash or makeup. i love arbonne products, and bare essentials makeup (it is amazing what it can cover up!). You could go to a department store and they will do your makeup and tell you how to do it to accent your features. If you go to a lot of boutiques they have fit experts that can tell you how to dress for your shape. Get hot one night and get a friend and go do something, anything, dinner, drinks, whatever.

There is always hope!! Keep smiling and know that you are only perceived as highly as you see yourself! this is really important. Work on respecting yourself, it takes a lot of work, but write down all the things you DO like about yourself, work on the stuff you don't and slowly you will start adding more to the list of your assets!

Good luck! If you can graduate top of your class you can easily start loving yourself! It takes work, just like school did.

Look in the mirror and smile! You have so much to love!

Answer 2

Life changing link: http://needhim.org

Answer 3

You can't alone. You need help dealing with things.Therapy and medicine can do wonders. You are too hard on yourself and you admit you are depressed. So take the plunge and see a doctor of mental health who can help you.You will be okaye.

Answer 4

There there...

Answer 5

You don't like who you are and you judge yourself. That's a heavy burden. You don't like your face. What, it's not perfect enough? It's yours, and at some time you need to realize that it will just have to do. It's the only one you have. You might need a make-over, but I think that should wait until after you get rid of this attitude. This attitude is ruining your face.

It's stressing you out. It makes everything worse, no matter how good or bad that might be. There is no flaw quite like the attitude that goes looking for one. You constantly make comparisons. It's too hard to feel your own feelings and stand at a distance and judge them at the same time. You can't be both places at once. It sounds exhausting when you should be saving your energy for that dream job.

You need to learn how to accept yourself as you are. You have been clinging to this for a long time, and now it is a bad habit. You do it too automatically. Maybe you need antidepressants. You need something to make you become objective about yourself. You need to see what it is that sets you off, and you once again go off in this self-defeating pattern.

You're young enough to start again, but too old to be seeing your future in terms of some social game from grade school. Your future is not a social game or a competitive event. You are just your own worst enemy. You said it yourself, you hate yourself.

It won't happen over night, but in time, you can learn to let go of this attitude. Read some pop psychology. You need words. You need to feel more and judge less. When you can feel, you know what it is that's upsetting you and you have the power to let it go. And you need power. You need self-empowerment for self-fulfillment.

Make the most of what you have and learn to enjoy it. Maybe you could get any job if you were a joy to work with. When you like yourself, people like the way they feel when they're around you. You are not fundamentally flawed, this is a wound that won't heal and it won't go away.

You need to start over. It's not too late. Join an internet support group. Write about your feelings. Look at them objectively. Learn to separate your feelings and your judgments. You can feel bad, but you don't have to feel bad about yourself. It's a consuming fire. Let others share their feelings and interact with them. You are not alone. If you really want help, look around, you can find help. Let them help.

Answer 6

try seeing your doctor for depression and a life coach to help you get your life sorted out

Answer 7

You are created in the image of God...and God is perfect.

Fix what you can and leave the rest.  If you love yourself, you will be loved by others.  Confidence is attractive.  If you don't believe in yourself, no one else will either--and all you get with that is the chance to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The bottom line is we are all fundamentally flawed.  No one gets it right all the time...and oftentimes, those who seem so put together are the biggest messes on the inside.  Feel sorry for super-pretty people!  Sometimes when you are pretty, that is all you are ever expected to be and you never develop anything deeper...

Focus on your strengths.  Focus on your accomplishments.  Focus on this sentence:  "I am at least as deserving as __________(fill the name in of the person you find yourself comparing yourself to)"  

And know this:  The Universe has a plan for you--clue in to the direction your life is headed, pay attention, and follow your heart.  Those pretty, educated, middle class people walking into jobs--that may be their path--doesn't mean it is yours, doesn't mean it is supposed to be.