I am sad over a complicated issue, about having my son out of wedlock and trying to do the right thing. Advice

Question

have a long story, but I will keep it shorter. I got pregnant by someone I was with once. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I stopped dating all together and started living life in a good way. I turned to the Holy Bible, it was the only thing that helped me in my life. I read a part in the bible that says unless you are married to your child born out of wedlock's father, it is bad. I vowed to not be with anyone, and if I found my son's father who I lost contact with, then if we ended up together it would be nice. I didn't and don't want to be with anyone else. I found my son's father, I found him on myspace.com and I contacted him. I gave him my number, to tell him about my son over the phone. He called, He knew through other people that I had a child, but I don't know if he put two and two together. I think he called because he thought I still looked like I did before I was pregnant, he even said before he saw that I gained quite a bit of weight that we could still date if my son wasn't his. I told him I look different now. I gained lots of weight while preg. and I am still losing it. We agreed to set a paternity test to have in writing it is his son. He came over to see our son, about a month or so ago and only called once since, then changed his number and won't answer my myspace messages. I know I look different, but I am trying to be a good person and this just hurts. What is your opinion? Thank you.

Answer 1

Well, it's obvious that the "father" is nothing but a superficial jerk. I think you should not worry about finding a Father for your son and just focus on whats best for the both of you...which does not involve the "baby daddy". God loves you and is proud of you for doing what's right. Continue to pray anddon'tt be so hard on yourself. Real men are out there, and when it's time for you, things will work out in that department.

Answer 2

You made a mistake and our Loving Father would see your trying really hard to make a good life for yourself and your son, and thats all you can do, if the childs father doesn't want you and your child then I can't see that God would want you to become a recluse and forever be alone, Its wonderfull that you have such a strong faith but its not good if you would deny yourself and your son the chance of happiness in a good loving relationship when all it would take is for his mother to start dating again. Move on from this other guy, if he had planned to take some responsibility he would have by now. I personally think your punishing yourself to much.

Answer 3

Your story sounds just like my best friend.  She had a son out of wed lock and also turned to the Holy Bible.  Her son is now 18 years old.  She also gained weight after pregnancy.  Her son has a relationship with his father.  Even though she knew it would never work with his father, she is a very religious, successful wonderful woman.  She became a preacher.  You will also read in the Bible that God forgives.  It's not looks, and skinniness that makes a person.  Don't worry about that or getting back with the father.  Right now just concentrate on your beautiful son that is a gift from God and also concentrate on taking care of yourself.  

Answer 4

You have to go on with your life. Are you saved if not you need to ask God to come into your heart.Don't worry God has someone for you.And when it is right you shall meet.

Our heavenly father forgives all sin we have but to ask.

Ask God what he would have you do. Pray pray pray...... Prayers are answered.

Answer 5

Forget the child's father and continue to live a good life for the sake of your child.  If with time you meet a decent man that accepts you  as you are.  And is willing to be a father to your child.  Then give him and yourself a chance.

Answer 6

You are a good person. He isn't.  Him avoiding you has nothing to do with anything else but his immaturity and selfishness. Stop beating yourself up.  Having a child out of wedlock does not make you bad at any time, even if you see it as sinful.  You are still a good person.  I'm not sure where you saw that quote in the Bible but please be very careful how you interpret it as interpreting the Bible can be very tricky. God knows we are here as mere humans-He made us that way!  As humans we are so, so imperfect.  He's OK witht that too.  He expects it.  Your child is a gift from God as God is the only giver of life.  Do you best for your child, do your best for yourself and God will take care of the rest.  Regarding the father, he has legal financial obligations that your child is entitled to and you will need it.  The courts can't force him to be a good father but they can force him to be financially responsible-and that is the very least he can do.

Take care and blessings to you and your child:)

Answer 7

I trust you that you start life in a good way ...hence ...I would like to ask your hand...and I am proud to do .....where can I find a very good lady like you....marry me ...have the best  

Answer 8

The first thing you should do is ditch the bible! The bible was wrote by man & therefore I wouldn't take to heart what it says! I'm not disrespecting your religion but it's obviously making you very unhappy and should religion not make you feel good about yourself? I'm not suggesting you go out & date every man you meet but if you meet someone you like I wouldn't let the bible hold you back! It's giving you 2 choices, either be lonely & miserable or be with that jerk!

You seem to be doing a great job raising your son, & that's how your doing the right thing! You seem like a devoted mother & my heart goes out to you! It will take a while for the baby weight to go but your getting there, although I doubt this is why he is ignoring you. My guess seeing his son was a reality check & has scared him. proceed with the paternity test so  at least you can get help financially from him if nothing else. He may come round to the idea but if not then you & your son will be better off without him!

You seem like a wonderfull mum, good luck!

Answer 9

First off, did you get the paternity test done? Does this child really beling to this particular guy? If the test confirms it then you can decide if you want child support. It's not your weight gain that's scaring him off, you're making excuses. He's most likely freaked out that he has a child and he's most likely trying to figure out what to do next. I understand you've turned to the Bible, and that is a good thing. But in my own personal opinion, God doesn't work like that. Love your child  and know that God has a plan for you and your child. Be stong for your child and bring them up in the best way you know how. Your child is a precious gift, and if your ex can't step up to the plate and be a good parent, then it'll be on you. That won't make it easy, ofcourse.  I don't know how long your story has been going on, maybe the dad will come through, maybe he won't. Overall, you'll be okay.

Answer 10

This is not 1955 darling, there sometimes is not getting out of having a child out of wedlock.  However, you did and its' done and now you do the right thing.  

Forget your son's father, if he wanted to be w/ his son, he'd have kept in contact w/ you.   He is placing a condition on his relationship w/ you and his (possible) son, he will only contaminate it, and ruin it.  You will try to make something of nothing, tarnishing your son's outlook on what relationships are supposed to be.  

Focus on you and your son, live life to the fullest.  Go back to school, get a good education. (online college works wonders for single moms)  In turn, your son will get a good education.  (Parents who go to college have kids that go to college...it's true.. just look around you).  

Your son is the most important thing in your life (besides you of course).  

You do not have to marry the father of your son. If you focus on yourself, your education, and your son, you will find someone who loves you for YOU, not for your body (like your ex).  

As well, please find out who your son's father is.  1-for medical reasons, 2-for child support, 3-so your son has some names to put in a family tree...you owe him that much, don't you?   You can order a paternity test thru the court system I believe.

good luck w/ everything.

Answer 11

My opinion is that he is not worth it.  It is better to be with one parent who loves you with their whole heart than  to have both and and have one resent you.  Trust me God will is probably upset you had a child out of wedlock, but he would not want a child to grow up with a bad father

Answer 12

Since you had your son out of wedlock, it is a sin. But god forgives, and you have to move on.

Apparently, the father of your child is quite immature.

Get reborn again and start over.

Find a new husband, a good father, and one that will appreciate you for you.