I am scared to move to Mexico City, Mexico with my husband? We have been together for 5 years married three.?

Question

I want to go,but I am scared his mom and dad needs him to go down there to run the two stores his parents have there I have heard so many bad things about Mexico City that I don't know what to do. We have a daughter going into Middle School and she doesn't speak that much Spanish. He wants to go before Christmas. I don't know what to do , he told me I have to think about it. I told him I could put my stuff in Storage and if I get down there and not like it I could come back. He said in quote " No, because if you don't like it and you want to come back you'll want me to come back with you and you know I can't." We are working on his papers ,but if he goes before he gets them and or if he get them while he is in Mexico he will be banded from U.S. for 10 years. I know and understand about his dad being sick, but I am to scared to go. I would love to go and ,meet his parents I have talked to them on the phone and they also want us to go down there. I need some advice. Please help!!!!!

Answer 1

Problems in Mexico City seldom involve foreign citizens...and are greatly exaggerated.  i know families who live there very happily with no problems.  There are many bilingual private schools and some that use English only, that you may send your child to.  The BIG problem here is that your husband is in the U.S. illegally...and if he returns to Mexico , he will not be able to re-enter the U.S.  It is HIGHLY unlikely that he will be granted "papers" to stay in the U.S....and it would certainly not take less than 2 to 3 years.  Better consult an immigration lawyer.  This situation is not uncommon with people who have been in the U.S. illegally for several years...in fact it is rather common...and is terribly difficult to deal with.  He is basically making a decision to go back to Mexico for keeps...and your decision must be based on that.    I am an American woman living in Mexico .There are many American wives and families living in Mexico because of this exact situation.   It would be a big adjustment, but you do not need to be afraid of being in danger.  Mexico City has so many different areas..it is really many cities stuck together...many are very nice and pleasant to live in.  I know this is a difficult decision...and hope for the best for you...only you can make the decision, but I don't want you to be afraid. There are many other Americans living in Mexico and Mexico  City.  The first site below is a Yahoo discussion group for Mexico, you may want to ask questions there. I wish you the best.

Answer 2

it could be an adventure to go but stay in the US if you have kids and don't get pregnant or try to raise a family in Mexico

Answer 3

When a man gets married he leaves his mother and his father and STICKS to his wife.  You and your feelings should come first.  Mexico is a total different Country that you and your daughter are used to.  Crime is really bad there.  Tell him first and foremost you and your daughter come first.  Besides, you have the upper hand, you are fixing his papers.

P.S. Research Mexico City, MEX on the Internet regarding kidnappings, crime, murders and how you and your daughter can be more prone to targets because you are Americans.  My husbands uncle was a victim of a kidnapping because he owned a business in Mexico.  In order for him to be released the ransom money was half a million.  He talked them down to $50.00 because he didn't have what they wanted and he escaped with his life.  His friend wasn't that fortunate.  After his friends family paid the ran-some they killed him anyway and dump his lifeless corpse on the family's property.

Answer 4

I would go to DF in a minute If I could, because I've been there a number of times and never had a problem.  I would be more frightened to move to Washington DC--I think there' more crime there.  If you go contact the Newcomers Club when you get there, they have many resources to help you get settled in.

Answer 5

Being afraid to move down here is understandable, first let me tell you there is crime here as in any other city around the world, but nothing you should fear if your leading a clean honest life.

Mexico City takes some getting use to, due to the pollution, litter (trash), bad or inconsiderate drivers and driving practices, some parts are very very dirty and ugly. Having said that Mexico City is also a very beautifully place, full of culture and arts, the people are so great and friendly you will never feel left out or be bored with all the party's and reunions weekly.

On a personal note you have to think about your family and parents, friends, brothers and sisters. Your not only moving away but your taking your kid's with you can they be away from them and can your kid's be away from them. I think this is more important then Crime in Mexico City.

Vacations out of country are one thing moving to another country is a big step especially when you leave loved ones behind.

also they never visit as much as they say they will and you will not return as often as you would like.

Good Luck

Answer 6

Well most of the people have been giving you answers for legal situations and thinks like how dangerous Mexico City is and stuff.

My advice is about Family, thatts the first thing you should be thinking about, if you and your husband love each other and if you think being apart from each other will create a void in your self, and the consequenses with the kids... just keep the family together...no big amounts of money will ever be enough to compensate that void..... he is at a tight spot, and needs your support,  and for the same reason he can start making mistakes, so bring a solution that keeps the Family together and help the man with his problem...

In more materialistic issues see how much he will be Making at Mexico city if he was there, in my experience a Familyof 4 in the big city needs about  2000  usd per month to live very descent.. I meen in a very close situation that you are use too in the USA.  ( carpet on the street, car, access to cable internet services phone, electricity, gas, etc. etc.)

and don´t listen to people that only say bad things of Mexico city and never live there, I used to live on Mexico city for many years and nothing bad happened to me, is dangerous but every big city is.

Kidnaping  for example only happened to people that show off how waelthy they are, like if you drive a bright new Mercedes Benz and have a Rolex in your wrist you are a big candidate to be robbed or kidnap.

And about Michael G answer he lives a reallity that you can avoid with some extra cash. See I´m Mexican Lived in Mexico most of my life,  i have my own business, my neighbors here most of them are employees of some companies, not rich people, and we have A/C in our houses, cable tv, electricity, gas, asfalt carpet in the street etc etc etc,

there is no chickens or pigs running around and i never go to those filty markets that he describes.

He lives in a poor neighborhood because he wants to live like that, believe me.  Its a reality what he is saying, but not necesarily yours or mine..

So first check out how much your husband is going to make in  Mex city, if you see that is too low, don´t go, unless you wanto to live like Michael G, describes...

if so try to make a solution that can help his father, like some monetary help, but from the USA....

And Keep the family together.....

Answer 7

Mexico city is as safe as Chicago or Detroit... mes with the wrong ones and youll get f** up... while you live your life easy and normal.. youll be really safe.

Answer 8

I am moving there in November. I have a 2 year old and a one month old. and I am nervous about going but I have been there many times and I love it there. My husband and I been married for 4 years and together for 8 years and have been tring to get papers. But it is not working so we just deceided to go to mexico and try for our papers there. so we can be close to his family. His parents are not in good health either. and I would feel so giulty if something happened to them because he's staying here for me and our children. It is just less selfish to live there. because you can come see your family and your family can see you. and when they live here than that is not possilbe . It just makes more sense to live there. anyway i am rambling on and on. But I understand your fear. But it is a great city and what really matters is that you have your family together and your all healthy.sounds cheesy but it's true It doesn't matter where you live just as long as your all together and if you stay here there is always a chance your family will be torn apart.

Answer 9

I am going to make an suggestion. Fly down and visit and get a feel for what you are getting into. Are the two stores little tiendas where you would be living in a tiny apartment behind the store, or are they thriving businesses so you would be living in a middle class neighborhood. Would make a big difference. Look into the available private schools for your daughter - an International school might be an easier transition. What are you going to be able to afford on his income? You are unlikely to be able to work unless you are fluid in Spanish, so keep that in mind. You will be able to make a better decision with this information.

Answer 10

well here is the thing, this is a natural feeling... we as humans are scared before any major move we do in our life. We like certainty and safety and feel quite uncomfortable in unknown and unexpected situations. What you are feeling is not because you are moving to MC, but because you are moving PERIOD. You would be scared to move to Kansas, everyone is. Granted the move to MC is amplified by some factors like high crime rates, more poor living standards and language barriers, etc. it's still simply the fear of the unknown that scares you. I don't know. Personally I made the choice to not have fear in my life anymore, and it's been working out great!!! Fear is such a useless emotion in our day and age. Fear is genetically built into us so we wouldn't be stupid and get eaten by tigers and trampled by mammoths centuries back. Now fear is simply a deterring factor that's stopping us from doing things for no particular reason it all. Yes it will be a new thing for you, yes it might be weird and uncomfortable and difficult for you in the beginning. But you do seem like you have a decent guy with you who will make it much much easier for you! So, don't let useless fear get the best of you! Don't worry and everything will be alright!!!

@ wiser with age... what world exactly do you live in??? men still make more money, men are still men! men stick to their wife? I pity the fool (or a tool I think that's really a better word) that's married to you. You see, no good self-respecting guy will put up with that kind of stuff, and that's how I know you are married to a tool or a truck driver...

Answer 11

I know it's a tough question, but just how sick is his father? If he's really very ill then there's no need for you all to up-sticks and move to Mexico. I understand your husband wants to be with his parents at a time like this, but to move his whole family to Mexico for something that might be just short-term, if his dad dies? It sounds crazy. He left Mexico for a reason after all, maybe he needs to be reminded of that.

Why not suggest he goes down for a few months and spends time with his father and helps them out and then say you'll review the whole situation at Christmas maybe? If his father dies then the whole situation changes.

I really feel for you, but don't get pushed into something you feel would be bad for you and your daughter just because your husband feels the need to be a good son. Doesn't he have any brothers or sisters who could help out.

Answer 12

Listen to Charlie...............

I will add.........I'm reading beteewn the line of what you wrote...

Mexico is very different from what your used to VERY. Alot of downfalls to thier lives here. I honestly dont think your going to like it. I read into your question and I have a gut feeling that its a little to harsh an enviroment.

OK my sister came down thinking Acapulco was all puppies and butterflies - it was at the airport and in town. Once she came out to my place and saw the real Acapulco and the neighborhoods ( not the tourist strip all vacationers see) she flipped. Im a pretty openminded lifelong world traveler - Ive sen alot. She is not.

The trash in the street , the chickens, the lack of carpet and shetrock , A/C , The mountains , the stray dogs and cats , the open air markets with chickens and flies............... All these things were not her cup of tea. Yes when we got to the beaches she loved it - but day to day living - NOT A CHANCE. I can think of many of my friends and thier wives - NO way. They are Americanized. Cheap living or not - they could not do it.

Im retired at 41 - I could not retire this early with the US prices so I sacrafice and like I said - Ive seen and can tolerate alot. My gut tells you it may sound adventuresome right now but when you land and get settled in for the long haul I think your going to be a little reserved about your living there.

Go on a vacation for exploring and met his parents. Simply to try it out. For whats at stake I think the airfare is well worth it plus you met his parents and dont have a hotel to pay for although I bet the third night your looking for 1.............

Other things..............I bet they have no hot water heater or A/C as they are luxuries - ask his parents.Electricity is also expensive. Have them send pictures of the house - you will quickly see the vast differences of American and Mexican living. Keep in Mind the HUGE city life - expect singing birds to be replaced by car horns and stray dogs. If your a country girl - forget Mexico city.

Answer 13

All I can say is WOW...you seem to be in the EXACT situation I was in this past December.  When I read your question I felt like I was reading the story of my life this past year.  I soooooo want you to know my story and maybe it can help you with your decision.  My fiance and I were supposed to be getting married on Valentine's Day of this year.  He could have got his papers pretty easily being that he entered with a visa.  Anyway he got a call close to Christmas that his mom was very sick and no one really knew what was going to happen.  He didn't really give it a second's though, he decided that he was going to drop everything and run to be by his mom's side.  Knowing that he could become legal he still left.  Knowing that we would lose everything we had worked for, the life we had made together, he still left.  So, I had this image of a "fairy tale" in my head that I could just leave behind everything and go to be with him in Mexico.  I sold almost everything in my house except our personal belongings, gave away my dog that I very much loved, gave up a job that I actually enjoyed, packed my bags, and I drove to Mexico.  

Look, I love him with all of my heart just the same as I imagine you love your husband.  Truth of the matter is (like someone else said above) when he married you his #1 priority became you and not his parents.  I do understand that when a parent is very ill how hard it is and I realize you have to make decisions sometimes.  BUT when he made his decision to leave you and his daughter, that should tell you ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW right there.  And just like my husband told me...he said I needed to really think about it and before I made a decision.  At the time it was happening all I could think about was just being able to be with him.  The more I think about it now, it's like him saying "I know if I go I'm giving up my future with you, but I'm going to go anyway."  And my god he has a daughter with you.  If you decide not to go he knows he is giving up his own daughter for the rest of his life and he's still choosing to go.  PLEASE think about that...I wish I would have thought of it that way.  Don't let the panic of him leaving and you not knowing what to do rule your decisions like I did.

If your daughter is already at the age to where she is entering middle school then he is already accustomed to life in America and it's going to be SO hard for her to adjust here.  Put her first in the situation, trust me you do not want your daughter growing up here.  People who go to vacation in Mexico think it's just so beautif and great but all they see are the tourist places.  Life in "real" Mexico is somewhat different.  

At least when people fall on hard times there is help from the government in the U.S.  You get NO help here.  The cost of living here is NOT as cheap as everyone makes it out to be.

The education here is a joke, enough said...your daughter deserves a decent education  You won't be able to work here because they make it virtually impossible for foreigners.  If you were lucky enough to find a job you wouldn't make over $100 USD a week.  How is he going to support you with the little money he is going to make from running the stores?  It's impossible.  

I don't even know how to describe life here.  In one word, its HORRIBLE.  It is a "dog eat dog world".  I'm sure his family will be super nice but strangers are more than rude.  People will try to con you out of money constantly.  They will steal anything they can get their hands on.  Just the other day I went outside and the side mirror on my car was gone.  Who would even want that?  Eating here is a joke.  Unless you cook it yourself I wouldn't trust it.  Just an example, I watch vendors on the street (and even his family) they will leave raw chicken for example out at room temperature for hours without refrigeration.  Then they will cut it up, cook it, and then put the cooked chicken back in the same bloody, dirty place they cut it up raw...I guess they've never heard of salmonella....but that's just ONE example, believe me there are many.  People here lack common sense.  There is trash everywhere.  NOTHING is clean....NOTHING.  The drivers and roads are jokes also.  I guess they only maintain the roads in tourist spots.  The streets are filled with boney stray animals and it's quite sad to see them on a daily basis.  People who own animals, most dont' care to feed them more than scrap bones if they even care that much.  There are open "sewers" everywhere that make the streets reek of waste water.  The streets flood when it rains because they don't even have enough common sense here to install drains.  Everything is concrete...EVERYTHING.  All houses are concrete squares.  The poverty here is unreal.  It's quite depressing to see it every time I go out of the house.  It's unbelievable hot and about 1% of building or houses actually have airconditioning.  Most of the year you could just sit inside the house not even moving and have sweat dripping off of you.  Most of the year it's so hot that you can't even go to sleep at night for the heat.  If not the heat keeping you awake it will for sure be all the insects that are biting you.  Mosquitos are everywhere.  I assume you will have to live with his parents/family.  It's a hard transition to be own your own and then have to live under another woman's roof..especially one you don't even know.  A lot of families here don't even have a washer and few have a dryer.  Are you prepared to wash your clothes by hand?  Most families don't even have a seat on their toilet, it's just a big open bowl.  You can't flush the toilet paper here, which isn't a big thing but it's disgusting to walk into the bathroom and see someone's dirty paper laying there in the basket beside you.  I know of a lot of people too that don't even have hot water running to their shower.  You either take it freezing cold or you heat it on a store and bathe from a bucket.  I could spend all day telling you little things about how bad life is here but words don't do it justice.  You have to actually be here to realize just how bad it is.  It's worse than anything you can imagine.

Has your husband already left for Mexico?  If he hasn't you need to sit him down and let him know exactly what he is doing.  He's not putting his obligations to you and your child first.  Explain to him how you are in the process of getting him legal and if he leaves now that's going to really s***w up any future that you and him have together.  There IS NO future for you future, take my word for it.  If he is still willing to go and take the chance of losing you and his daughter then I would really consider that a kick in the face.  You deserve someone who is ALWAYS going to be there for you.  Answer this question....if you were in a foreign country and one of your parents were sick at home and you were in the process of becoming legal and you knew that if you went you were giving up everything, would you still go?  Would you expect your significant other to move to a 3rd world country?

My advice, don't go.  If I had it to do all over again knowing what I know now I would have never came here.  I just wish I hadn't been so blind.

I don't think the others who answered this question really understand the problem.  If he leaves the country HE IS NOT GETTING BACK IN PEOPLE.

AND you can't just move to Mexico.  You can enter as a tourst but you will still have to go through their immigration process if you plan on staying for more than 6 months.  Not a hard or expensive procedure but it does cost a few hundred.

If you have any questions please just let me know!