I am sick and tired[WARNING: THIS IS VERY VERY LONG]. I mean it.?

Question

of my mom being overbearing, im sick of her negative comments and im sick of being told what to do.

She has her parental little fingers in every aspect of my life. School, work, friends, who, how much I text people, how much time I spend online, what I go do and who with, how late I stay out, all that good stuff.

But she takes it to extremes, like telling me when I go to bed and what time I should get up and then getting angry at me and punishing me if im not up by a certain time. Example: I didn't feel like updating the version of MSN that I have so she blocked me off myspace. Control freak much?

She is also very negative or has oh-so-lovely criticism on everything.

Like my hair, make-up, clothes, sun-glasses, nail polish, I have to hear her negative comments about that everyday, I am so sick of hearing her complain she thinks my sunglasses are too big or if she doesn't like the rips in my jeans, get over it already!Its not like I walk around looking like Whorezilla.

I look like your average, uber-prep. I like my look.

Oh and I can't forget the criticism. I play soccer. She can't just come to a game and tell me good job on the stuff I do well, nope, I have to hear her criticism. And my brothers field fairy comments, which BTFW aren't needed. She criticizes me on everything, yes serisously, I mean, everything, get the picture? She criticizes me on what I eat, what music I listen to, my friends. If it doesn't suit her, I have to hear about it, long discussions on why I actually like whatever it is and an even longer persuasion on why I should like someone or something different.

Now, as for being sick of being told what to do, im not talking about normal teen stuff. She is lenient on my curfew, I don't really have one. But she is always asking me to stop texting, its not like im going over the amount she alloted me. Im staying within that amount I was given. She is always asking me to take my iPod out of my ears. I love music and she and my brother rather have [negative,boring] discussions in the car than listen to the radio, therefore, I put my headphones in. She is always asking me to keep my bedroom door open and unlocked. I like my secludedness, I don't want to be bothered.

Lately, its even escalated to her telling me when to go to bed and when to get up. She wouldn't even allow me to hang out with friends if I didn't do so.

So what if I stay up to 4am and don't get up till 1pm. Thats not keeping her from living life, she can go do whatever she wants, im not stopping her. So what if I stay online late at night, big whoop its summer, I have nothing better to do. She has been blocking me off Myspace, Facebook, Yahoo, MSN, Google[wtf?] after 1am, so that way I won't have anything to do and she thinks ill go to bed. It doesn't work.

I know she is here to help me along in life and set rules and standards and whatnot to help me grow and become a good person. But there is a fine line between parenting and suffocation. I know it is her house, her rule. I know that if I don't like her rules I am free to leave and get my own place and make my own rules. Truth is I have semester of HS left, even after then I won't be financially stable enough to make it out on my own. My grandparents are paying for my first two years of college[didn't ask and am very grateful for] but if I were to move out they wouldn't pay. So im here for another two and a half years. I need my mom right now. I need her help. But what I don't need is her making negative comments to me all the time, I don't need her constant hurtful criticism and I don't need her dictating every part of my life.

I want some room.I want to make decisions for myself such as if I stay up all night during the summer, if I want to text my little heart out without going over, if I want to sit on Y!A like a lame-o for hours answering ppls question. If I go to a concert or not. If I go on vacation with them or not. If I play sports during the summer or not.I want to decide what time I go to bed and what time I wake up. I want her to back off and give me some space. I have friends who live the life I dream of, their parents give and trust and are open and give room and decision making abilities. They let them go out and experience life and don't have huge discussions on why and whatever.

My mom doesn't see the difference between if im out doing things that are bad or if im out doing something she wouldn't do. She doesn't quite grasp the concept that I am a different person than her and I don't agree with a lot she says and that she shouldn't force her "ways of life" upon me, that I need to find my own. I don't know how to get her to back off. The more I try to get her to back off the more she uses her Momzilla parental powers to squish me and oppress me. I feel as long as if I were to stay on top of chores, not go over on my cell phone or pay if I do go over and im not out doing things that could get me into trouble then the rest of my life should me mine to dictate and her negative comments wouldn't be a part of. I don't want to spend the next two and a half years giving into her and living "her way" and being unhappy because of it, yes I would be unhappy because of it.

I am 18 almost 19. I am a free-spirit, I don't like to be held back or not have control.

I need advice, I need lots of advice.

I need a solution.

I need stories from people who have a mom like mine.

Answer 1

In the words of George Carlin, "If you don't like the weather, move."

Imagine if you spend the same energy you put into this b**ch-fest into a job application and finding your own apartment. Problem solved.

Got news for ya: every parent who gives half a whit about their children is a carbon copy of your mom. You'll figure that out, but you're going to have to get out on your own for a few years first.

Answer 2

Being a teenager is tough.  You have developed the ability to think for yourself and you think you are grown up.  Your mom loves love and she doesn't want to see you make any mistakes. It may be that she has too much of her own self esteem wrapped up in making sure that you succeed. Thus the criticism.  

The real solution is to either decide to go it alone and support yourself (not what I recommend) or choose view tolerating her involvement as paying your rent.  You are not independent and I am not surprised that she will not grant you the privileges of an adult. You have not earned them yet.

Your parents house is not the place where you are going to all the freedoms and rites of an adult.  That will be your own home, apartment, dorm room, whatever.  

I had friends who lived with their parents well into their 20's and enjoyed adult privileges.  My mother charged me rent after college and eventually I decided I would move out.  It really hard but the best thing to ever happen to me. I learned the value of a dollar and truly grew up. My friends never truly developed a work ethic and although we are all now married and parents ourselves, I am the only one who is independent and happy.  Your mother is actually helping you.

Believe me I have been there.  When you are out on your own you will look fondly back at these days. Keep a copy of your post. You will love to look back and read this when you are independent and it will crack you up when you are the mother of a teen.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

My Mom used to be like this, but shes loosening up a bit. What you do is either 1. move out, 2.go on w/ the rules for another 2 1/2 years, 3.have a talk w/ mother and tell her your not a child any more, trust me, she'll loosen to the truth, that your not 6 or 7 or 8 anymore. I'm saying this all and I'm just turning 11, please take me seriously, your talking with someone who used to have a mom like yours[no offense], but didn't discourage me in sporting events. But she's still pretty upset

with my friends and the music i listen to and the clothes i wear, and what websites i go on, but she just goes on with it, but she tries to persuade me to hangout with different people, and wear different outfits, and listen to different music, but i keep saying that i like hanging with those people and like what I'm wearing and etc. and she just follows along. Shes still pretty strict with texting, cellphone usage, curfew, and when to wake up. [and with school, i cant even BEGIN to explain how strict she is] But shes my mom and i love her.

Answer 4

I couldn't fit my story in here but if you want to talk please email me, I DO KNOW what you're going through, and IT DOES get better and you CAN get out of the situation.

You need to sit down and have a talk with her so that she can see that you're reasonable and willing to compromise etc, even if you're not, just so she is alerted to the fact that she is being immature.  Mothers are pains in the butt.  And I swear they're more like teenagers than we are sometimes. x

Answer 5

"I am 18 almost 19. I am a free-spirit, I don't like to be held back or not have control."

THIS is ALL I needed to read.  

Then move out... then you never have to listen to you mother again..

what YOUR friends do or do not do is of NO concern of your mothers. what you do or do not do is.  

Just because you think you are an adult does NOT mean your mother STOPS being your mother...

I am free Spirit is c**p.. !!  We ALL live in a world with rules. that is just the way it is. you do not like it.  live on an island..

You live in HER house, weather you have a job or not, and if you say 'you pay your way' that is c**p too.  Live on your own and then you can you pay your own way..

Answer 6

What a wonderful mom you have!

Well, I thought from reading everything that you were 14 or something, but to find out at the very end that you are an adult! That makes the solution SO simple.

Move out. Period. Get full time work so you can pay your rent and bills, and live your own life. Free spirit yourself any blessed time you want.

But please still respect your mom.

Answer 7

Wow, you're 18 and if you were my daughter i'd be happy to have you!  You're mature enough to know you need to meet certain obligations and yes, you deserve some respect and 'adult' space and TRUST as a reward.  (In Australia 18 is an adult).  

From my own experiences when i was young, and stuff i have since found out from my mother (I'm now 36).  A lot of her fears may have something to do with the mistakes she made when she was young.  I was lucky that my Mum did communicate with me though even if it was sometimes through anger and tears.

You need to sit down and talk to your Mum about what you want and ask her WHY she doesn't like you playing soccer, why she doesn't like you to stay up late through the holidays etc.  Ok easier said then done of course.  The best way to do this is with a third party acting as a 'mediator' to ensure that the conversation doesn't turn into an argument.  Ideally you have another family member or family friend who you both trust, (preferably someone who your Mum admires but you know is going to be fair to both of you).  Maybe even ask your Mum to suggest a few names of who should sit in and you select from her list.  Hopefully after some candid discussion you can come to agreement on some areas and then ideally type up a "contract" that each of you signs stating house rules and in what areas you are able to excercise some freedom.  When your Mum makes a negative comment you may have to simply remind her that "Mum, although you don't agree with me, I AM entitled to my opinion and it makes me feel really sad when you put me down like that.  I'd really appreciate if you could show me some support in this activity etc".  Sometimes they just don't realise how much they are hurting you.

The other thing to consider is that perhaps she is jealous of you living the sort of life she thinks SHE should have had.  If she couldn't have it why should you?  Hopefully if this is true it will come up in your discussion.

Good Luck I hope you can work something out, Mum's and daughters should share a really special bond.  If you need anything else be sure to ask!

Nic

Answer 8

Well, darn. That was a bit of a wake up call for me, as a mom. I thought this was my daughter in the future! LOL

No really, she means well. She really really does. It just doesn't across that way.

I felt terrible for you reading that, though. I wouldn't want my kids to ever feel that way. Print this off and sit down and read it to her. Let your heart out. I'm sure she doesn't want you to feel suffocated! She is worried, stressed and trying like a mad woman to protect your future. She knows that all it takes is one bad boy or one bad group of friends and you'll be knocked up while snortin coke. We know the power of influence. We were teens. We had friends that slipped and sometimes we slipped and it's scary! She thinks that since she has made all her mistakes- you shouldn't have to. It sucks- it does, but you can't change her much if she is acting like that and you're a senior! I have teenage relatives that have it worse than you, girl. They don't get to go to the mall with their friends, take calls from boys, or even HAVE a myspace- and they are about 16/17. So, yes... some parents are extreme.

Print this out and read it. Seriously. She will feel bad. I know I would.