I am so angry? i need advice?

Question

my husband bought a house in his name and did not include me in the title. i told him that ,that is not normal. his reason was that he had saved up more money than me and i have little to contribute. whether i have money or not , he should have still included me in the title. his parents own a few houses and i overheard his dad say to him, 'bye a house in your name , just in case she leaves you'. that is so stupid, cause i wouldn't leave him. i think it is very unfair. my husband also has ms and i care for him, shower him, give him his injections etc.. i do everything and then he does this. also, i have 50 thousand set aside, he told his dad about my money and said to my husband before he bought the house to , ' get her to give you the money'. that pissed me off even more. so, he wanted me to give him 50 grand and buy a house in his own name!!

anyway, he bought the house and i kept the 50 thousand. i told him that the 50 grand is for our children and for the modifications we will need to do to the house we are living in. i remind him that he has ms and it is only gonna get worse. i do it cause im angry. am i right being angry??

Answer 1

This is ludicris.

You take care of your husband and all his needs and he spits on you like this?!!!

I would demand that my name be put on the title. If you need to get your own lawyer.  

You live a life together, you deserve to reap the financial benefits as well.

Answer 2

I would have bought my house in my name only too - if my partner wasnt able to contribute to it.

why dont you buy a house with your 50k, in your own name and sort out your will so that if anything happens to you, it goes to your children? Even in today's poor housing markets, with a 50k deposit, Im sure you would find people willing to give you a mortgage.

Answer 3

CALM DOWN

Answer 4

his father is a jack *** talk to him in a nice way show him you care much about his son.

Answer 5

you're absolutely right. i put $100,000 down on our house and I put my husband's name on the house. we both work and contribute to the mortgage. your husband should use his own brain instead of his father's. my family told me a similar thing, but i find it ridiculous. besides i live in an at fault state, so if anything ever happened the court would take into account that i paid for most of the house at this point. i'd demand my name on all joint assets.

Answer 6

yes you have a valid reason for your anger you are married. I don't know what state you live in but if it is a community property state you still have legal claim to anything he buys during the marriage.

He also sounds afraid that you will want to leave him in the future. You feel violated because he didn't buy the house in both your names and the fact you are the care giver should prove to him that you love him and plan to stay.

His illness is a bad one but others have it and live full lives. Montel Williams has it and he is still getting around ok.

Not all MS progresses as fast as some. Sounds like he is acting out of fear so he will have some place to live if you did leave and you are angry he thinks you will leave. Catch 22. You both need to talk and some how reassure each other that both of you plan to stay together and love each other.

Also the money you mentioned may be a factor. You could set up a trust for the children so he sees the money truly is for them and not a get away fund for you to leave him. Try to reassure him and he may see you're sincere and add your name to the deed.

The house we live in is in my name only due to my husband's credit but he is my beneficiary. Many couples have done that without thoughts of separating.

Answer 7

There is no need for you to get upset, but I can surely understand you being upset with the way your husband and father-in-law are treating you.

You and your husband don't seem to understand that all money earned and all assets purchased during the marriage are marital assets. It doesn't matter if you never had a job and was a stay at home mom, all the money belongs to both of you. It doesn't matter if everything he buys is bought with the money he earned and he has put it (house, car, boat, camper, furniture, etc...) in his name only. If you divorce him, the courts will give you half of everything, because it was bought during the marriage.

Take a small amount of your $50,000 and go see a lawyer and tell him what is happening and ask him what your financial rights are as the wife in your state.

I have the feeling your husband lied about his marital status when he filled out the paper work to buy that house. In the state I live in, if you are married and you have to take out a loan to buy a house or car, the lender will insist that both of you sign the papers and the house or car will be in both of your names. Times have changed and maybe this has too.

When I got married, my husband (now my ex) started from day one planning for our possible divorce. He thought if he put everything in his name only, then if we got a divorce, he would get everything and I would get nothing.

My husband tried to buy a new truck and put it in his name only without me knowing. The car dealership refused to sell him the truck unless his wife signed the papers too and the truck was put in both our names. Later when we bought a house, he tried to sign the papers with out me and put the house in his name only. I had to go with him to sign the papers and to my shock, the woman who gave me the papers to sign, said I'm sorry you aren't feeling well and had to come in today, but like I told your husband, it's necessary for both of you as a married couple to sign the papers and have the house put in both of your names. I knew he tried to put the house in his name only and failed again. I was so angry and realized I made a real mistake marrying this greedy jerk. Back in those days, when you wrote a check for something, at the first of each month the bank would send you back all the checks you wrote and were cashed to keep for your records. EVERYTHING my husband bought, he attached the receipt to the check he wrote and signed for as proof that HE bought it and therefore it belonged to him. He thought when we got a divorce, he would walk away with everything and I would get nothing.

To make a long story short....I was a stay at home mom and I did everything for this man. He put in his 40 hours a week at his job, came home and sat in his recliner with the tv on and I did EVERY thing else. After 14 year I got fed up and divorced him. You can't imagine how angry he was, when we walked out of that court room and I got half of every thing we had, plus custody of our children, child support, and yes alimony too.

Your husband with MS is down right lucky to have a wife who is a nurse to take care of him and this is how he treats you??? Since he does not appreciate every thing you do for him, then I would go back to work full time and let him use HIS money to hire a full time caregiver to take care of his needs. Why not!!!! He wants you to do all the giving. Let him see what it's like to be married to someone like himself who looks out for him/her self and doesn't concern him/her self about their spousal's present or future needs. If it's going to be all about him, then you need to have it all about you. You have to look out for your own future and your own needs, because your husband sure doesn't care.

Answer 8

you have EVERY RIGHT to be angry, your both going to live there, your both together, you both contribute in a way so you should be entitled too!

as for his father? he sounds like a lousy, good for nothing jack a s s !

Answer 9

A good marriage is based on trust.  I think because you did not put his name on your bank account sharing the 50 grand; he lost trust in you.  He took his Dad's advise and bought the home and put it under his own name.  However, take time to look up the law in case of a divorce or death.  I think that the wife is entitled to half anyway if there is a divorce in most states regardles if your name is not on title  But it would be a sticky court case.  You both need to talk to each other (after you cool down).  I truly believe that your name should be on the title.  I also believe that if you trust your husband with money and he is good with money....it would be OK to have his name in a joint savings account.  Work this out and keep the parents out of it.  

Answer 10

yeah, you have reason to be angry, but you got bigger fish to fry. your father-in-law is a serious trouble maker-AND his son listens to him.

I think you need to sit down and have  a heart to heart talk with your husband. tell him his actions (and the actions of his father) are causing very serious problems in your marriage. his buying a house in his name (after you are married can still be considered comunity property) SO, the net result is:  he (with his fathers help) is creating problems, that can only cause trouble and bitterness between the two of you. and he will not get anything out of it.  the biggest problem is his father is both stupid and parinoid. AND that makes his son stupid for listening to him.

Answer 11

I'd be pissed!   Glad you kept the money!   You can go out and buy another house, so you have rental income coming in and making a new life as realeastate agent! :-)

Answer 12

If you divorce half of that house is yours anyway whether your name is on the deed or not.

Sounds like you have an A    hole for a FIL too.

Still even if its an investment property its half yours & half your husbands. Keep your eyes open so that no real estate or assets get changed over to your A    hole FIL's name.

Answer 13

You have every right to be upset! Are they money hungry or something??? If that's how it's going to be, keep your money SAFE. That might help you out someday, somehow, you know? I would tell him how you feel and that you know what his family said about you and your money. If he blows the conversation off and things continously gets worse, I would seriously reconsider my future.  

Answer 14

You have a right to be angry as far as I can see. Anger comes from our expectations not being met and he violated a trust that you thought existed in your relationship. It's natural to be angry but harmful to make any kind of decision based on your anger. Try to take that anger and let it make you smarter now. You expected different from him but knowing now how he behaved and him thinking it was an acceptable thing to do, you now know that you are going to have to take a different approach as well. I would, for your own piece of mind and because it's the smart thing to do, take $400 of that 50 grand and spend an hour with a lawyer. Explain briefly your situation and he'll let you know where you stand. Not because you're going to leave him, not because he's going to leave you but just to be smart about your business.

Just thinking about that probably makes you feel better :)

After you get your affairs straight, set a time and date with your husband for a discussion. Explain CALMLY and BRIEFLY exactly where your anger came from i.e. not that he did that but that it was very unexpected and that because you're in a loving relationship, you thought it was understood by both spouses that major financial decisions should be made together.. even if he did want to put it in his name only, you should have been consulted. Then request that he not do this again. REQUEST. Otherwise, if you confront, he'll feel like he's being attacked and push back. Don't threaten unless you are willing to go through with whatever consequence you offer.

Then explain that since he's getting his affairs in order, you realized it would be the smart thing to do the same. Tell him you've been to a lawyer and then explain what the lawyer told you.. again, all in a loving way.

If this seems extreme, just think.. if a friend came to you with the exact same story, what would you advise her to do.

Good luck and remember: It's not worth developing cancer cells from agrivation over any one or any thing.

Peace,

dee

Answer 15

You have a right to be angry about the house.

Do you know the marital laws of your State ?   In my State - it is a Community Property State .. meaning that in my State, the house would automatically be 1/2 yours (no matter if it was just put in his name - it would be yours, too).

Check the law of your State out ... GOOGLE .. your State .. Statutes .. Family Law .. Community Property

It just might be - that this house in his name only - is also 1/2 your house, too.

In my State - the only thing which is not community property in a marriage is an inheritance.

Also - in my State .. if your 50,000 has his name on the signature card at the bank - he could legally draw all of the 50,000 out of the account.

He should learn to appreciate you.

Answer 16

Depending on which state you are in...it really does not matter in whose name it is...(that is in your head). For example, even if he had 10 houses in his name in California and they were acquired after you were married...its communal property (50/50). Most states are like this. So check it out...let him have his jollies and when it comes down to the truth....it won't matter. Take Care

Answer 17

Yes you are right to be angry.  "In case she leaves you" is an insulting reason and questions your commitment (and perhaps his too).  

As a practical matter it may be an irrelevant issue if you live in a state that would split assets 50/50 in case of divorce; you may want to find out the answer to that question.