I am so disappointed in my husband?

Question

we have been married for 8yrs. I quit school to work and at one point was working 2 jobs..4yrs into the marriage we decide to have a baby, get pregnant and the day after the baby shower he tells me he wants a divorce..he ruined my whole pregnancy..comes back 2 weeks before my son is born to leave me when he is 2mo and file for divorce..we are seperated for a yr cause he insists on a divorce even through I beg him to reconsider, doesn't come to my sons baptism or first birthday then once i sign the divorce papers, sell my 1/2 of the furniture, throw away my wedding dress..he decides he wants to work things out..me like a dummy goes for it cause i thought he left cause of his family (they hate me) get pregnant again to be 7mo into and find out he left me for another woman...so here I am after all this c**p struggling to be a mom and full time student...he gets a 15,000 bonus and blew it..the house looks like c**p...we don't go anywhere cause we are always broke..and now I have to find a job...I'm going to have to find a job working midnights so that I don't have to put my kids in daycare and I go to school full time at night...I am just so disappointed that I have to struggle like this because of him being stupid and honestly I feel that it it comes to that...then I will just leave him..I might as well be a single mother cause he sure as h**l is not making being married to him worthwhile....and i feel guilty cause as his wife I should back him up and support him but I feel as though he has failed me and failed our family for all of his mistakes...we have so much debt because of him...am i wrong for feeling this way? I applied at walmart to see if i can work midnights....

Answer 1

Sounds to me like he's had his cake and has eaten it too. I say give him an ultimatum. If he can't fulfill that...then i would just file and be done with it.  There's no reason to put yourself or your children through that. You don't want your children to grow up thinking it's Ok to act like this. If i remember from some of your previous questions, he doesn't do much for you or your children. And leaves the house work and children up to you. What huge difference would it be with him not being there?? Probably not much.

As for work and school. You may qualify for government assistance with a day care. And if not, look at a family member doing it.

Seriously, i wouldn't open a day care at home...who really enjoys watching someone else's children? I would do as many classes as you can online and think about work in the evenings.  

Answer 2

Wow..you poor thing... I know it would be hard to leave him..I am a huge advocate of staying and trying to make a marriage work (people give up too easy nowadays)  but he has gone too far! and you have given enough of yourself to this man your body, your heart , your time, h**l you even gave him children! he does not respect you and is completely missing out on what a awesome wife and mother to his kids he has! one thing I realized after having a baby was women are super heroes! we might not conquer the business world but we have endured more pain than they can even fathom we give our lives to our children and that is the most selfless thing in the world and we don't even bat an eye because it is just in us to giv e even our lives for our kids. your "husband" doesn't seem to get the big picture get a divorce you'll be happier trust me. He left you for another woman and that is the one reason besides physical abuse I believe you should get a divorce for. With that said I know how hard it would be to be a single mom but I have seen some similar situations. there is help out there you and your kids will be happier without him.there are good guys out there we don't always get it right the first time. Good thing theres second chances! I wish you good luck! and God bless!

Answer 3

Do you think you're worthless?  Really, I want to know.  You aren't acting like you value yourself by letting yourself be trampled on by a sorry excuse for a man like your husband.  Hun, THROW HIM OUT!  He's a terrible husband and father to leave you and the kids multiple times.  He's not going to be around much longer, trust me.  Guys like that will never be loyal.  Without even knowing you, I know you deserve better.  So you have hardly anything as it is - what do you have to lose?  Kick "Hubby" to the curb, apply for all of the aid you can (including FAFSA - you should get a substantial grant for school since you're a single mom), work hard, and finish school.  Then, you can find a good guy after you have a degree and a career for you and the kids.  

Don't worry - your no good (soon - to - be) ex will kick himself one day for not treating you better.  Oh, and he'll be poor while working his job at Burger King while you have a successful career.  Good luck and hang in there.

*ETA* OK, now I may be stepping over the line by saying this, and I know looks aren't everything, but he had the nerve to cheat on YOU?  Honey, I took a look at your myspace page.  You're gorgeous, and definitely the better looking one in the relationship.  Again, looks aren't everything - but it doesn't sound like Hubby has the personality, either.  So find yourself a handsome Prince Charming and dump the frog!

Answer 4

Poor thing...

I bet he'll still come back to you for the 3rd time.

Don't give in or listen to him anymore! He's not worth anymore of your time. Go ahead for schooling and working, don't tire yourself though. Remember your kid still needs you!

Why don't you ask your parents or siblings to help you? Afterall, you guys are still family. :)

Hmmm, all the best though. you don't have to feel guilty, you are not the one who cause all these! Take good care of yourself and health first~! AND YOUR LOVELY KID!

Please take care of yourself, ya? :) *hugs*

Answer 5

Why should you back him up??  He didn't back you up when you needed him most.  Start an at home daycare.  You can make good money and still be home with your kids (you can even watch kids during the night).  Your husband needs to make a choice.  He can leave, pay child support and see is kids every other weekend OR he can man up and start acting like a husband!  I am so sorry you have to go through this.  You need to decide what is ultimately best for you and your children, then do whatever it takes to get there.

Answer 6

Ok, first I'm going to say "first time shame on him. second time shame on you!"

I understand the first couple of times, but why why would you keep going back to this worthless boy. I only say boy because, a man steps up for responsibilities, and he obviously doesn't. You can do so much better for yourself, and for your kids! None of you deserve this. Did you have a bad childhood? why are you still with him? if you left him, you would have more help. The government would help you, he would have to pay you child support, and maybe even alimony. As a women you should back your man up, but like i said before he isn't acting like a man. So therefore, let his mother back him up!

This must be very hard for you. I'm sorry that you have to go through this. But you sound like a very strong women, and i know you can get through this! remember what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger!

Answer 7

Take a deep breath.  Now, keep breathing.  Don't dwell on the past, but don't forget it, either.  He's been a negative impact on you, your health, and your children.  He's caused too much upheaval - and what you and your kids need right now is stability.  Take out a piece of paper and write down your "to do" list.  ONE thing at a time. Use this as a checklist.  It will seem all too overwhelming if you don't do it this way. You don't need to be overwhelmed right now.  Start with checking your local department of health/social services.  There are programs, like WIC and daycare assitance, not to mention tuition assistance.  These programs will help you get on your feet.  You know that you can depend on yourself - you've been doing it all along.  You brought two beautiful babies into this world, and they're looking to you for everything they need. You can do this. I know because I did it.  I put myself through college while working a full-time job and raising two babies, one of whom had health issues to make it all that much more challenging.  Find a friend to confide in, find yourself some moral support and do this.  I know you can!!

Answer 8

Reminds me of an old saying > Sometimes alas, experience is the best teacher, but renders the most shocking tuition bills.  

I'm not sure what you want us to tell you that would make you feel any better > but you've really hitched your wagon to a rising star here.  

I'm just not getting the part why he isn't kicked to the curb?

Answer 9

save yourself and your children from this sinking ship of a man.  otherwise you will struggle and be miserable the rest of your life.  and you know this!  ***hugs from afar***