Question:

I am so scared. I need help. My husband does not watch his kids and our neighbors are threatning to call SR?

by  |  earlier

0 LIKES UnLike

We both work opposite shift because we wanted to avoid child care centers, I work nights and he is supposed to be caring for our 2 yr old and 4 yr old. I make dinner before I leave for work so all he has to do is feed them, I ask him to give them a nightly bath because I believe children sleep better after a warm bath and put them to bed by 8:30, children need boundaries and consistency.I do all the laundry and clean our home as well as home school both babies. I take then to play groups, the library and any other activities. I am a good mother and had already had 3 children when I met him. He convinced me that he was a wonderful man and wanted so bad to be a father, I had told him I was done having children. I gave in married him and had two more children. The problem is that when I leave for work almost weekly I get a call about how the babies have gotten outside and the neighbors have found them wondering the neighborhood with no adult supervision, they have even threatened to call SRS if It continues.One night my daughter was 1 yrs old and he feel asleep while he should have been watching her and she was tired so went up and tucked herself into bed.. When he awoke he could not find her so he called the police and it was in the middle of winter he was searching through the pond in our back yard. The other day a neighbor came up and was banging on the door while I was at work and told him, "Your children are in the middle of the street and your baby girl's diaper is hanging to her knees. Two days late a friend came to drop off my older daughter at 9:30 pm and said the 4 yr old was across the street on his bike for 10 minutes before my husband even came out looking for him!!!! Help!!

 Tags:

   Report

13 ANSWERS


  1. Have you talked to your husband about this? What in heaven's name is he doing? You haven't said whether you have both been communicating about this matter or what his opinion on his behaviour is but it sounds outrageous! You should both love your children equally and you should not need to worry when the children are in their father's care. Husband or not I would make other arrangements for the kids while you are at work. A relative/sister/mother? You need to (although I really can't believe an adult would be so irresponsible unless he has an illness like alcoholism in which case the children need to be away from him) speak to him and explain to him that babies need to be watched 24/7! And if he can't understand that or chooses not to then I would get rid of him, your babies are what matter most.  


  2. You need some serious help.  You have a decision to make.  If you put the children in child care, it will free him up to run the roads, hang with his buds or whatever.  Sounds like he does not really want the responsibility of a family.  Your children are in danger with this man.  You need to get them and you out of this marriage.

    You have to understand something, God loaned these children to us for us to care for.  We are supposed to do the best we can by these children.  They cannot care for themselves.  Who are we if we are not protecting them at all cost?

  3. It sounds like he is overwhelmed and your marriage is suffering.  He gets out of work, then cares for the children all evening-five days per week?  Caring for children is taxing on every aspect of a marriage and on a person......However that is not an excuse for this level of neglect...

    He has to know that this behavior is not ok and that he is breaking his promise to you. I suggest marital counseling ASAP if you want to stay in this relationship, if his behavior has not disgusted and turned you off to him yet.....

    I recommend you start a journal of dates and times of all inappropriate behavior on his part.  Hide it where he'll never look-maybe the laundry room.......Your marriage is in trouble and you need to to a bit of risk management-even if you are not considering a separation.

    Now for the children:

    I think your children are better off in a childcare center during the day than with him in the evening.  The advantage here is that both of you could spend time as a family without one person shouldering all of the burden of housework and childcare.

    If you don't like this idea, tell him that you will just have to quit your job or you will begin to work part-time since he has demonstrated several times that he can't handle caring for the children.  Its your choice.  Tell him he has proven that you can't trust him and he has forced you out of work or to place the children in daycare.  If he argues-tell him he's lucky that you have not kicked him out and that from now on things will be done your way.  Don't leave them in his care.  SRS could charge you with negligence and take your children away.

  4. This is going to be hard to hear, but leaving your children in the care of this man who doesn't care may well be seen as YOU neglecting to take care of those children too. You KNOW that his "care" is inadequate, and so leaving them with him is not in their best interest. It may well be time to hire a professional carer (daycare or a sitter) - which has to be better than having the little one's running wild - and tell him to work harder/longer to pay for it. Or make him stand up to the mark and really take care of those children when they are with him. Otherwise be prepared to have the Child protective Services in your life, for your children's sake.  

  5. If you can't trust him then don't leave him with them it's not worth it for there sake , let me put it another way would you leave them with a paid baby sitter if she did that? i sure wouldn't PLEASE for the kids sake don't leave them with him : (

  6. Apparently your husband is not cut out to be in child care.  You are going to have to set ground rules for him to follow.  Believe it or not some people are just not capable of taking care of another human being.  That being said you can try to teach him but you might enlist the help of a friend or another family member to back him up while he is learning.  Don't be critical he probably already knows he is lousy at this, but firmly and clearly lay down what is appropriate or not.  With a little proper education he may turn out to be a fine father, or he may just be the kind of father that children love but can't be trusted with them for more than a few minutes with out supervision.

  7. What do you need help with? Clearly your husband is an irresponsible jackass. Clearly he is not the person who should be minding those children. In addition, if you have allowed SO MANY incidents to happen and have not done something about it (such as throw him out and get a sitter), you are to blame as well. Are you going to wait for something truly horrible to happen such as a death? Get off the computer and start finding childcare services.

  8. You know what to do. Quit work or put your husband out. If you are doing it all and he can't take care of the kids even . Divorce him before you loose your children. I threw mine out 30 yrs ago for the same reason.  the final straw was when I came home and my 3 yr old was 1/8 mile down the driveway wet and muddy in a diaper, and It was february. When I went in the house it was a wreck and My husband was asleep on the couch.  I cleaned house and left to get something to eat with my child and then I went to my mother's and called and woke him up, and told him I wanted a divorce. I have never regreted it > I guess they could arrest him nowdays for child endangerment.

  9. Wow. You could lose your kids over something like that. I would not trust any kids in his care!! I would suggest hiring a babysitter or take them to day care because its better than what could happen if one of your children get run down in the street!

  10. You need to leave your children with a RESPONSIBLE adult. There are Nanny's and Daycare centers all over the place. That made my chest tighten up when I read that those babies were unsupervised  out in the STREET! Do you realize they could get run over or kidnapped. Its not a matter of getting SRS called on you, your children are in danger.

  11. Okay, YOU need to do something NOW.  If the authorities are called they can take all the kids from BOTH of you, and you can be charged with neglect or whatever charges they decide to press , along with your husband, BECAUSE you are aware of the situation, and have not resolved it.  I know your in a rough spot, becasue as a mother, I know what it is like to have to work to pay the bills, and pay to care for your children.  I am not sure what the answer is here, I mean, can you find someone to watch the kids?  Can you switch shifts?  Can you possibly find another job?  Your kids are your first priority, so you need to do SOMETHING!!  MAYBE you need to get rid of HIM??  He seems like a real jerk, I mean, how can he be so irresponsible?  Good luck, and make a move NOW!!

  12. At this point you should really look into a child care for your children.  It is not safe for them to be wandering about.  And if you and your husband care enough about them, then you will both agree that they need to be supervised.  

    It is tough to admit that your husband is the issue, but perhaps expecting him to work a full time job and then care for three young children is to much.  Protect your children, and find someone responsible enough to watch them while you are away.

  13. You have a problem.  If you don't fix it now you will lose your children,  Look to family and friends for help.  If you have to, leave the guy.  You do way too much already, he don't deserve you.  

    You do have another option ... quit your job and tell him to take on a second one.  Just suggest he stay away from the line of babysitting.

Question Stats

Latest activity: earlier.
This question has 13 answers.

BECOME A GUIDE

Share your knowledge and help people by answering questions.