I am so sick of dealing with negativity during my pregnancy.?

Question

My husband and I both work full time, we are living with my parents - Renting two rooms in their house - we pay for all our own stuff, and all of our living expenses. We live here so that we have a chance to pay off our student loans, and so far it's going great.

I am 16 weeks pregnant as of tomorrow, and I am so sick of all of the negative comments people keep making towards my husband and I, saying that we are lazy, should be working 2-3 jobs each so that we don't have to live with my parents and that they feel sorry for our child that they will have parents who the government and other families tax dollars will be taking care of for the rest of our lives. We are not on welfare at all, we pay our bills on time, we take every extra penny we earn and put it towards paying off our school loans and I am so sick of all the c**p that I am getting from people just because we live with someone.

I have been so stressed out with trying to get all of these people away from me and to shut up but most of them are some sort of family member and seem to have free range to attack. I don't know what to do anymore, I am so lost and so angry because they have really decided to attack us, using every personal thing I have shared with them in the past against us.

My parents and my husbands parents are the only people who seem to be supportive at all that we are having a child, I never expected reactions like this, I thought people would be happy - my husband and I are both adults who were married for a year when we found out we were expecting, I just cannot believe how rude people are.

I have become so untrusting of people, so angry it's making me sick, and I know this isn't good for my baby. I don't know how to calm myself down and I am just looking for some sympathy or some words of encouragement from anyone because I can't seem to get any here.

Answer 1

Dear pregnant stranger,

I simpathize with you too. I am not in your situation, but I know what it is to be in bad terms with relatives and gossipers.  Let me tell you my story:  I was working at a great company, had recently graduated from college, had no boyfriend and lived with my parents at 24, I helped a little with money, groceries and bills, but everything else was fine. Then I met the man who is now my husband online and after dating for a few months he asked to marry me and I decided to move out of the country with him. I love him, badly, so I quit my job, (which everyone thought was a dreadfull move), I packed 2 bags of personal items and I left my country to move with him. Everybody gossiped about why I was leaving all the good life and leave my elderly parents to be with my husband, who is also a student and still has 3 more years to go. We couldnt even make a real wedding, it was only the judge, my husband, and I. We moved into a tiny town and I knew nobody, no friends or relatives.  I spent almost 8 months with no work, no papers, living in a house with no furniture, only my 2 bags and saving every penny.  People back home were talking c**p about me all the time, I know it because my parents told me so. Now I have all my papers Ok, I have a good job, I got federal help to go to school, I have no kids yet (we are waiting to finish school first) and we are slowly getting to our feet.  Some people at work are b******s and also gossip and throw nasty comments about how people who have been living together shouldnt have real weddings after several years and say so, when ask nasty questions like ¨when are you going to have kids??? over and over. We decided to hold on kids until he graduates, but if I get pregnant the baby will be welcome too. The gossipers back home? are now saying I am doing good here and that I am a bad daughter because I dont send any money to my parents, which I really do but not on a regular basis.

Top of the line, people will ALWAYS gossip, here and there, especially relatives. Dont worry about it.  Love your kid, your husband, your parents and your parents in law.  Graduate.  You are doing what you think its right just like I did and you will end up with a clean conscience like me. Dont kill yourself working if you dont really have to. Good luck!! You have all my sympathy.

Answer 2

So you as a pregnant woman are supposed to work 2-3 jobs?  Sure yeah right that is worse for your baby.  Tell them, "when you are pregnant you try working 3 jobs!  And then let me know."  Just ignore them, they will only talk as long as you will listen.  You are doing right by your baby and besides having the extra family around is good for your child as long as it is not crowded.

Answer 3

People who make comments like that aren't worth listening too. Seriously, why would you have any respect for the opinion of a person who is so rude and will comment on someone elses personal life without knowing anything about them. Try your best to ignore these people. They are idiots. Their opinion means nothing.

Don't let someone like that take away your happiness. They are not suffering for all the worry and hurt they are causing you.

Answer 4

Its actually refreshing to here your story.   That families are taking care of other family members.  Ive heard it to many times the other way, that the parents, siblings, etc, encourage going on assistance - since "everyone else is doing it" or the parents have paid their taxes, so why shouldnt their kids get some of it back.

Its interesting though, Ive seen this with family members who complain and complain about those abusing the system, then when an elderly family member is ill, they gift off all their assests (to themselves/the kids) so that nursing homes cant eat it up, and instead count on government programs.

Answer 5

I think you did the responsible thing by moving back in and trying to get your school loans paid off.  Btw, moving back in with Ma and Pa is getting to be a trend now with the financial storm we are having.

You're letting them get under your skin.  Quit trying to explain yourself, just respond with something like "d**n, I hate those little chihuahuas nipping around my ankles"....

Answer 6

I know how you feel. I've had some extremely rude comments from some of my relatives about my pregnancy. Honestly, the only thing you can to is tell them off and know that they don't know anything about your situation. Don't be afraid to be rude because they were entirely out of line by saying what they did. I think you are being responsible with what your doing with your student loans. Everybody has different situations and your dealing with yours the best way you know how.

Answer 7

its okay. once your loans are paid off and you have great credit bc you made this sacrafice (living with the folks) you can do anything you want, i.e. buy a house.

people have no right to judge you. i think your plan is alot better than staying in debt the rest of your life.

you sound mature and responsible s***w anyone who thinks otherwise.

Answer 8

Don't worry about what people are saying.  I think you are being smart by doing what you're doing.  I'm stationed here in Italy with my husband and that is a way of life here!  Everyone lives with their family.  It's a win win win situation.  

You obviously have your priorities right and as long as you know that, no one else's opinion matters.  Good luck with the pregnancy!

Answer 9

Hey there, I'm not just saying this because you've asked for some encouragement but personally I think that you are doing everything correctly! You're ensuring that your baby is brought into a financially secure home and that in itself is something to be proud of! There are a lot of people out there that would just sit at home all day, claim they're welfare or benefits and use the baby as the excuse!

Don't listen to any of that negativeness, you know what you are doing is right and the most important people in your lives are the ones supporting you! Good Luck and Well Done! x