I am so unhappy in my relationship, but im not sure if i want to give it up..or if im strong enough..HELP!!?

Question

I have been dating a guy in the army for a year and 9 months, exactly today. Since we have started dating, he spent a year in south korea, and is now in louisiana.

I live in Texas, so for the past 2 months i have gotten to go see him quite often, almost every weekend. ( i go to see him, not the other way around)

my main problem is that i cant help but feel like he takes me for granted. he has definitely been the #1 person in my life for our entire relationship (and he knows it). We had even talked about getting married when he gets out of the army in a year and a half.

I dont want to sound too demanding, or like a spoiled brat, but i refuse to settle in a relationship with someone i am not 100% happy with. I have an image of the type of person i want to be with for the rest of my life, and i dont think i will ever be happy until i find that one, right person. but dont get me wrong, i know no one is perfect, especially myself.

anyways, i want to be with a guy who is nice, and sweet. i just get so mad at simple things...

i sent my boyfriend AT LEAST 30 pictures of me while he was in south korea, and does he have any of them up? no. they are all tucked away in his desk drawers. But he does have up a calendar of half naked Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, that his MOTHER bought him....He has never given me flowers, done anything nice for me just because, or anything. for christmas he bought me a thing of perfume i wanted and just gave it to me wrapped in the plastic bag that he bought it in. he just gives no effort and i HATE it.

if we go somewhere, I plan it. not him, I DO. he expects me to plan everything, and for once i just wish he could do something for ME. i always try to bring him something when i go see him, even if its small. (I will give him credit for paying for EVERYTHING, though. he doesnt let me ever pay. )

for instance, last weekend i brought him some of his favorite frozen foods that he cant get at the PX there. small, but still thoughtful.

i feel like he puts everything before me, like i come last in his life.

when i put it all together, i HATE it.(im leaving mannyyyyyyy details out, so bear with me) im so unhappy but i think i still love him. i want to get out, but i cant. i've tried ending it before, but he just wont LET me.

and here's the clincher: he's going to iraq in 2 days.

what do i do???

Answer 1

Im so sad to hear this but if he makes no effort, and he puts you last that's just a bad sign. I guess you still hold on to him because you hope things change. Let me tell you a secret. DON'T WASTE YOUR ENERGY ON SOMETHING YOU CAN'T CHANGE!!!

Good luck

Answer 2

I know that you are unhappy but try talking to him and telling him what you say above even if you have done before. Talk to him about the calendar because I wouldn't let my bf have something like that and i don't care who gave it to him. I wouldn't break up with him however. Iraq is a big  deal and big stress. I would wait until he was back here safely.  

Answer 3

I spent four years in a relationship because I thought I loved the guy.  He acted the same way. In those four years, I received one gift from him and that was on our first Christmas together. I did everything for him and bought him gifts all of the time, just to show him that I cared. Let me tell you something...I did love him, but I was more in love with the feeling of being in love. When you are in love and in a relationship, you feel secure (even though you may not be). You feel like somebody because you are not alone (even though you may be). I was so frustrated the whole time, but I never said anything. This led to depression and I knew that he wasn't right for me, but I did not want to give him up. You already know the answer. Men are not that intelligent when it comes to emotions, we all know that, so just tell him the facts and end it! Otherwise, it will only get harder as time goes on.(And you'll regret all of the time that you wasted being unhappy.)

Answer 4

If you are that unhappy you need to get out!!! Don't wait around and be a doormat..Take it from someone who has been right where you are..I kept saying that I was gonna get out but you know what 21 years later He finally decided he wanted out now I am having to adjust to being single and in my late 30s..h**l he is all that I have known for the past 21 years..It is hard but you have to find ways to keep yourself busy and trust your friends will help you by being there to listen..GOOD LUCK ,.....God Bless!!

GET OUT GIRL

Answer 5

TX here too, call me, let chat.