I am starting to resent my boyfriends son ?

Question

OK. I feel like I have met the LOVE of my life, I cannot even begin to explain the happiness my boyfriend and I are sharing together. We are talking about getting married and spending forever together!

ONE problem :) he was previously married for 5 years to the MOST evil person alive, and they have a son together (he's 4) I seriously cannot stand this woman...she is vindictive, manipulative and just plain unbearable. When we first got together she and my boyfriend would spend hours on the phone fighting...just hearing her voice pisses me off I get this overwhelming panic attack and pissed off feeling instantly every time.

Now I have came to the conclusion that I AM NOT going to let this woman ruin my relationship...she isn't even worth my time of day now...recently the child has become an issue...I was attached to him instantly and cared for him so much in the beginning :) I looked at him as my own. But I am having these thoughts and feeling of hatred towards him...he gets him on Tuesday nights and every other weekend and I am now getting the same overwhelming panic attack/ pissed off feeling when he comes over. All this kid does is cry, he is loud, annoying and extremely whinny...the other day he told his evil mother his dad MADE him call me momma, OMG I freaked NOW he's lying and trying to cause fights....I don't know how to tell my boyfriend, I'm afraid it will hurt his feelings--I think I'm jealous and have sharing problems, I cannot explain it...I know the child is going to have to be apart of my life if my boyfriend is but I hate it!!

My boyfriend calls and tells his son good night every single night and his mother calls our house when he's over...the only problem is when the parent is done talking to the child she wants to hold a conversation with my boyfriend...she will talk and talk and talk and talk...I hate it but I try to ignore it..

I need some advice on how to handle these feelings, I wish we could run away from it all and it just be us---but I KNOW that's now possible! So help please!

Answer 1

If you are feeling so negative toward a four year old - which in my opinion is the greatest age, and I've got 3 kids myself - you should consider finding a new boyfriend.  Your boyfriend also shouldn't engage his ex-wife in any conversation other than details on their son - I don't even speak to my ex, we do everything via text or email only.  

Kids cry and whine and can be annoying.  They also have the greatest laughs and imagination and are the snuggliest ever.  If all you can see is the bad stuff, you may not be able to really love someone Else's kid and that's not fair to the child.  Also, once your boyfriend catches on to how annoyed you are by his son he will not want to stay with you anyway.

Answer 2

sorry to tell you, but that is typical 4 year old behavior, especially in the cases with divorce. Who knows what the mom is telling the son about you, I mean, if she's as evil as she is, I wouldn't put it past her.

If you hate the fact that the son is in the picture, sorry honey, the son always will be. He will always choose his son. He has too.

If you are resenting the child, leave, you are doing that child harm. Children can sense things. It is wrong for you to resent a child, for doing what children do.

This woman will always be a part of this man's life, they are joined by the child. How long have you been in this relationship?

Good luck.

Answer 3

You have major problems.that child is his own blood and only 4 yrs old.. you need some real help....

Answer 4

If you truly feel that uncomfortable then you might want to break off the relationship. Your boyfriend has baggage, and if you aren't willing to accept it you shouldn't stay with your boyfriend. Perhaps the little boy is acting the way he is because he can sense that you don't like him. Your boyfriend is always going to have to communicate with his ex-wife, they have a child together and the child needs both parents to work together on his behalf. If you can't accept it you really need to reconsider if your boyfriend is the "one". The way I see it is if you truly love him you would love his son as well.

Answer 5

If you cant accept his child then dont marry him cause his son will always come before you in his life and you will end up resenting this poor child even more.

Answer 6

You have two choices......

Learn to deal with it, or get out.

You can't change the other woman's attitude, and as Jr. gets older his attitude may get worse if either of his parents aren't willing to grow up and teach him to respect extended family members.

Answer 7

First of all, I know it's hard to be in a relationship with a man that has a child. But it's also harder to be in a relationship with a man that has a child and an evil ex-wife or ex-girlfriend. You need to tell him how it bothers you that he spends time on the phone visiting with her. They are not together anymore and the only thing they need to be talking about is visitation and things concerning their son period.

Now, concerning the child, he has been through h**l! His mom sounds like she uses him as a pawn to control your mans life. He's probably not treated well at home and his mother is probably constantly prodding him for information about what goes on at his dads house. This boy is only 4-years-old. Don't feel contempt for him. He's just a little boy that is put into the middle constantly. You fell in love with a man that has a child and you're either going to have to figure out how to make it work or cut him loose and find a man without baggage. It's not that little boys fault so don't blame him. Just treat him with love when he's over because he's probably not getting it at home. Remember, that little boy is a part of the man you love. The only reason you're having feelings of contempt for him is because he's the link that's keeping your man tied to this evil woman. Remember, it's the mother that's putting words into his mouth, he's 4 and he's too young to come up with these things on his own. Show love to that little guy and the older he gets he'll find love for you too. Just be patient. Ignore the things that come out of his mouth, they're his mothers words, not his.

Answer 8

it seems to me that you and your boyfriend has a good realationship, just sit down and talk wtih him, if you're too scared to do it, let him read this.