Question:

I am still confused! Please help me! I cant' get anything done..kinda long sorry!!?

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So I met with my ex-boyfriend who I have not seen in almost 13yrs. I found him about 6wks ago. I have feelings for him and told him. He responded by saying that the only thing he can offer me at this moment is friendship since it has been so long and people change with time. I accepted but still continued to push the issue over the phone, text and internet. After we left the bar I kissed him and he didnt back away. At his house he made comments when we were going through the house, we dated in highschool so he wanted me to see the changes he has made. When we got to his bedroom he said, 'remember this (pointing to the bed)? It's our bed i just moved it to another room.' I looked at him and said I remembered. He then said, 'you got me in trouble that day you know'.At his house and one thing led to another and..........we started making out. He held my hand and walked me to his room and stopped at the door and asked if it was okay to go in, i said yes. In his room we made out for what seemed like the longest time. I stopped and he asked me why and I told him that I was sorry because i had overstepped my grounds because he only wanted to be friends. He made comments like, 'i said that? really? well you know when you left me i was really messed up for a while.' I told him I had the text messages he sent me where he only wanted to be friends.His response was, 'Wow, so you have proof? But, when you left you really messed me up.'I got up to leave and he told me he didnt think i was ok to drive the car. I told him i was. And asked him if he wanted me to stay. He said, 'yes, I want you to stay' and proceeded to kiss me. We went back to his room and made out, again I stopped and he held me all night. He thought I was asleep when i wasnt and he ran his fingers over my hair and held me so close and tight. In the morning, I woke up and just laid there,he was still holding me tightly. I forgot somethings, jewelry, at his house and picked it up on my last night in the city. He met me at his house and gave me my things, he had placed them in a ziplock bag.Gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek asked me to let him know when I would be back so that we could go out. I left but called him and told him we needed to talk, i was angry at how cold he was being when we said good bye. We talked and I asked him where we stood. It was my understanding that he only wanted to be friends but the way he responded to my advances tells me something else and I was confused. He said that he is just now getting to know me and that he just wants to be friends. I said that I understood what he was saying but his actions, which are stronger than words, were confusing me. He said you kissed me first and I said yes and you responded and I reminded him of everything that he said that night and how he never once backed away or asked me to stop. He said because of the history we have, he felt that it would be ok and was comfortable with taking it as far as it went and would have been ok if it had gone further than just making out and touching. He then said he wasnt in the right state of mind. I asked if he was blaming alcohol because I thought that was a cop out and that I have been in similar circumstances and REALLY drunk and it has never gone the way it went with us that night. He asked me if I regretted what happened and I said absolutely not and he said he didnt either but that he was telling me what he felt and he just wants to be friends and that he was sorry if what happened confused me. Whatever!!!

I talked to my friends and they say he is being indicisive and is probably more confused than I am but to not let it get there next time we go out. My friends said to just be a friend like he says.

What do I do? What do you think his feelings are?Should I push the issue?Any advice would help. I have only had 4boyfriends, he is one in my life, I am 31yrs old and just got out of a long relationship (over 10yrs)

On the whole s*x thing he isnt that type of guy. Although it has been 13years he treated me that evening like he did back when we dated. He is not the type of guy to just want s*x. He even said that to me it went as far as it was going to go because he respects me.

the reason that 'it didnt work out' was because I had an ex boyfriend who was very abusive. My ex threatened to hurt him like he hurt me. I knew my ex would because he had already hurt other people i cared about.I loved this guy so much i chose to let him go then to stay with him so that he would be safe. I was young, dumb and thought I was alone.

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4 ANSWERS


  1. it seems to me like he still really likes you. probably never stopped loving you really. but if he was really messed up after you two broke up, and who wouldn't be in those circumstances, he's probably still very wounded. he's protecting his heart from being mutilated again. i think you should judge his real feelings by what he did when he thought you were sleeping. that was honesty. and you know the saying "sober man's thoughts are the drunk man's words." didn't he more or less say he wanted to be with you after he had had some alcohol? i don't think that you should give up on him. just be really honest with your feelings and hopefully he'll let you back into his heart!

    good luck!


  2. you don't have to tell me he didn't just want s*x.

       No, do not push the issue, this guy is more than interested, but no matter the reasons of the past, it is the emotions you left him with and those emotions have lingered. Not against you, it's just the things in life that form what we become and these "were" meant to be. Those emotions probably saved him at other times.

       He is not being indecisive, he just wants to take things slowly to be sure of how he feels, as he realizes, where it got him in the past.

       He's also aware that those out of long term relationships often carry bagage or can honestly believe it's over, only to run back to the ex.

       Your probably very certain of where you stand with that, but he needs to see it and feel it for himself.

        He is also very wise to know that, although we don't see it in ourselves, no one goes unchanged by the yrs and events they have experienced.

        Keep dating him, you need to get to know and understand him for who he is today, in time you will see he is not the exact same guy you knew before.

        But what the both of you are, is very good for each other and it will not take him very long to recognize and come to terms with himself, not you.

        You already have him, do not push any issue, both of you need to start all over again, that was then and this is now.

         Live for the future, not the past.

  3. I think he likes you a lot but he is afraid that he would get hurt again. So if you love him then make him 100% sure that you do and that he won't get hurt again.

  4. move on

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