I am still in love with my abusive ex partner. What do I do?

Question

I knew very well my ex was insecure when we met 4 yrs ago but chose to stand by him through thick and thin because I was in love with him. We were always very sexually active and affectionate, absolutely INSEPARABLE - I think it all started one time in the beginning, an ex called me to say hi and I said 'I cant talk right now' (just wanting to get rid of him) my ex though it meant I didnt care and started taking my phone, monitoring my txts and calls, accusing me of flirting and then cheating ALL THE TIME. ANY guy I met he thought I was going to run off with them! Says I dont really love him and started seeing his love for me as a weakness, saying I take him for granted when this really wasnt the case. He even started to believe that my family and friends were conspiring against him!! He takes EVERYTHING people say literally. I started constantly trying to prove my innocence to him and that I ONLY HAD EYES FOR HIM but he had lost all trust - basically over nothing, and it felt that the more I tried to prove to him i loed him the more suspicious he became. He started to abuse me and once put me in hospital. He DROVE me to leave him and I started seeing other guys because I was broken hearted. One of which, I got pregnant by and had to have an abortion - I was so screwed up and felt so guilty. He found out when we got back together and I was honest but this just gave him ammunition, so he was always punishing me emotionally and a few times physically for hurting him and breaking his heart!! I was careful about anything I brought up from then on and didnt want to set off his tantrums. He started not to like my friends and family because they always took my side. We finally broke up for a while and I began a new relationship, which X knew about and would not leave me alone called 10 times daily at least being abusive calling me a slag. I cheated on the new guy with my ex it was the most amazing s*x EVER and we got back together. But then obviously came more ammunition for punishing me.

Now facing court over his abuse for the second time, because my foster bro needed somewhere to stay while he found a new job and X was jealous, saying I never wanted to live with HIM and now I've got 'next man' living with me!

He's even been to JAIL twice for breaching bail conditionsand contacting me. I hate his c**p, but I am sure he has some kind of serious mental disorder. He had an abusive chilhood and his mother who he is close with has paranoid schizophrenia. I left him for the sake of my sanity and the safety of our two year old son. We have been apart now for 3 months and i know its sick but I STILL LOVE HIM. How could I get someone to help him see he has mental sickness and I am NOT his worst enemy but the ONLY person that actually cared about him? I feel like I will never get over him!!!

Answer 1

Reading your post has really gave me an insight to everything I just recently and am still going through. I just got out of an abusive relationship 2 months ago and pressed charges against him for kicking,hitting, pushing, and throwing me around. I was not allowed to do anything with my life because he had complete control over it. I once did modelling before him and I started dating. I felt amazing about myself and my photos. I was in college and had 2 jobs. Now I do not model because I was not allowed to and because I have no confidence left. My ambition to do well in life has completley gone down the drain and at work I am not putting in the effort I need to. I am still so so in love with my ex and trying so hard to get out of that love. Even though he is not allowed to contact me or be around me we talk and hang out. I know this is so very wrong as it is only going to make things worse on me as far as my feelings go but it is so hard to let go because he was my bestfriend and my everything. Even though he is telling me he loves me more then anything and wants to work things out for when he is out of jail and everything, I do not believe him because of the way he has treated me and because he is sleeping with other girls while he is with me. But here I am still hanging out with him. Guess I have way too much hope and faith.

I have been reading posts like these for the past few days though and it is slowly helping me realize what the right and wrong things are to do. So thank you for helping other women out there like me:)