I am thinking about divorcing my husband but?

Question

I am trying to work things out but I don't see it happening I am going to give him like a year to get his act straight and then I have no choice but to let him go. My husband and I have been together for a total of 4 years and he is in the military. He is only and E-1 and he is extremely lazy. Everytime he calls me he always has bad news. He barely gives me anything financially to take care of the house we both got together and so therefore I am paying for almost everthing. I spoke with him today and I told him that I was running behind on my car payment and he scolded me like a child and asked me what am I doing with my money? I couldn't believe he would ask such a question since I am busting my butt to take care of everyrhing in the house. I still have not received my part of the BAH to help take care of finances. I love him but this unexceptable and I can' t keep living paycheck to paycheck. This is supposed to be a 50/50 relationship yet I am doing everything. Do you guys think I should leave him or what?

Answer 1

i use to live around soldiers.you are right get your BAQ payment. some of them marry to get the extra money then keep it. the army looks down on that .  tell him to send your money for the bills if he does not just call his company commander and tell him you are not getting money from your husband and you really need it to survive.he can get disciplinary actions for  not supporting his family when they are giving it to him for that purpose. also, s*x with other army members will get him kicked out.. if he is using you for the money then get even. report him. i was a military wife as well. he will start taking better care of you. if he leaves, then let him find another sucker girl to marry. because he will.  i do not know him but he should be sending you the money. over there, the army pays for his living arrangements or reimburses him. if he is spending it ,it is on other things. or like others thy have a account  ususally a credit union account and  or  a bank account.  that the wife does not know about. also ,if you have kids, he gets extra for that too. he could be sending it to someone else. anything.but he is not spending it over there. so if you kick him to the curb, he still has the money unless you get some now. you will not.  then , make sure the army knows you all are sep or divorced. some do not tell the army and get housing and the extra income for ever. they also like to  live off post on other girls. they get money for living off post too. so if he lives off post in italy, then he gets income for that. when he gets back he gets rank and money for that.

Answer 2

You're a military wife.  Living pay check to pay check is what military wives do.  You need to learn how to save, how to manage your money and budget and shop at second hand stores.  Maybe you can carpool with someone.  Get a woman room mate to help with the house, rent out a room, maybe to another military wife.  There are ways, you just need to learn how to make do with what you have.  Your husband is putting his life on the line every day.  And you're complaining?  How selfish.  

Answer 3

for me..

that the best way..for you..

that situation doesn't help you anymore to keep the relationship go on..

i don't aspect you to keep living paycheck to paycheck for the rest of your life as his wife..

sometimes whatever happen is out of our control though you love him..

yes..you should leave him..

Answer 4

Doesn't sound like he takes his marital duties seriously.. kick him to the curb.

Answer 5

Something is wrong with your communications and negotiations.

google: relationship tips

and learn to make a good one.

Answer 6

A E-1 for four years wow. I am surprise you haven't left him already,lol. By military law you are intitle to the BAH. You should inform his first sergeant or CO if that doesn't work go to JAG. I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 7

Get rid of the pest and get legal and emotional counseling.  You do not need that stress put on you.  If you put up with this you will die of a heart attack at a young age!  I come from a military and correctional background and I am not a criminal!  I still feel some of the stress.  You are not selfish! Get a divorce and go back to college to improve your life.  You can empower yourself and no you are not selfish!  

Answer 8

Wow I amazed you even need to ask!

Why give this waster another year of your valuable time?

Any love you still have for him will be gone before then and you sound like you need him about as much as you need an extra hole in your head.

You are clearly a strong and capable woman. Take control of your life.

Answer 9

It sounds like to me your marriage is out of tune and the music is horrible now.

You have a choice to either tune it up or get anew instrument that keeps tune and in this case that would mean a new husband.

Answer 10

I would be leaving now and not waiting a year. He is not a husband.  

Answer 11

walk ........................................  and very briskly

Answer 12

What military branch?

You both living separately?

When did you get married?  Said together for four years, does that mean dating/marriage or just marriage? etc Before or after he went into the military, seek question below)

How long has he been in the service?  (Being an E-1 means he hasn't been in it no longer than 2 years; the most or he got busted down in rank).

Those four questions can help me out on giving you opinion and information.

E-1's don't make a lot and depending on where you live (off base/on base) or seperated (duty: seperations pay v.s personal choice of seperation living), will determind BAH amount.

On Camp Pendleton for E-5, Hubby makes 1800 BAH with $2,200 base pay a month. BAH automatically deducted as we live on base. If lived off base, it would be deposited into our account. Moving to OKlahoma in two weeks, our BAH drops to almost 900 for his rank. Will be deposited into our account as we bought a house etc. (it is an Army base/housing anyways).

But there is a problem, clearly that there needs to be some adjustments here.

I can tell you this by how many divorces I have seen with in the last year being on Camp Pendleton, the two main reasons are: Financial and adultry.

You can see an financial advisory at the nearest base. I would recommend you two to seek the help the military offers on counseling. Depending on what branch will depend on what it is "called.

You both need to have access to a joint account where the money is deposited. So you can monitor it. Both have access to where money is going to and from and the reasons why. etc.

Go to the military forum as well to also seek other military members! :)

Answer 13

Do you work? You didn't say you had kids or anything so I am just wondering if you are trying to contribute. I am not saying what he is doing is right. You say every time he calls it is bad news....so is he deployed or living overseas and you don't live with him? The thing is sometimes you cant just sit back and play the pity card for the military wife. You have to gain some independence and you should know there are people you can talk to. No one should have to tell you that. If he is deployed and you live on base go talk to his chain of command the rear d is there to help you. Also go talk to housing. If he is deployed you might have a more difficult time if you don't have a Power of Attorney but you just have to keep trying. Sometimes you just have to do things yourself. I have found if you don't get the answer you are looking for just keep asking.  

Answer 14

Go nuts on him, tell him everything straight up see how he reacts.  

Answer 15

then leave already

Answer 16

Basically, an E1 is a recruit.  You want to tell me he can't even make private (E2)???  Now that is, unmotivated.

I agree with you.  He's a looser...sitting over in Italy doing what?  Pushing garbage cans for a living and being a recruit?  I would seriously be embarrassed if I were he.

Yeah, I think you should leave him.  He sounds like a perpetual looser.  Find yourself someone else who will work for a living and appreciate what you do for him.