I am thinking of adopting an older child..?

Question

I work for a local FFA and there is one little boy who I have become very attached to over the years. He really needs a forever home and has been up for adoption for ahwile with no takers. His current foster parents are really sweet people but do not appreciate him at all and they are adopting another child but refuse to take him (watching his heart break over this is just killing me). I have been talking to my husbabd about it for years and he was against it at first but has now relented. My only concerns are as follows: My husband may regret it after going through with it, My family is very against it (I have no idea why, but they seem to think it will "destroy my life"), the timing is a bit off. Although my husband is 30 and I am 26 I am just finishing up my bachlors (I graduate next June but could be done by April if I choose), my husband is on the waiting list for a kidney transplant (which is why we cannot have our own). Any one out there adopted as a older child???

Answer 1

Look into the childs back ground.Is he violent? Does he have any mental or physical disabilities?Are you positive he is up for adoption?If you are financially able  do it!

Answer 2

First, clearly you are a very kind hearted person for wanting this boy as a son.  Sixty percent of boys who age out of the system at 18 end up in jail.  Twenty-five percent of kids who age out end up homeless.  Maybe you could share these statistics with your husband.  If you do choose to adopt make sure you have excellent health insurance for him; cancer can always come back.  Finally, I do not think that your family is evil.  They likely think that you'll regret it and they are just looking out for you.  If you look at this boy and see your son, then you must move heaven and earth to be with him, just as most biological moms would do to be with their children.  Good luck, and God bless.

Answer 3

Congrats on your Bachlors.   I believe that this (older) boy has been brought into your life for a reason. I believe that your answer awaits you in pray. Pray about it and if God has brought this child into you and your Husbands life you will know. Your family loves you and when you bring your new son home they will love him 10x more..............Congrats on your new child!

Answer 4

yes that'd be really nice of you! most people just adopt babies, which is wonderful, but it's harder to adopt an older child, so it'd be great if you did!!

Answer 5

I'm sorry, but a parent cannot "relent" to parent a child.  It just is not fair to this child.  He deserves parents who cannot wait to take him home and call him their own.  

And the only criteria you should use in deciding this as far as the timing issues related to everything you have going on:  Is this in the best interest of this child?  Remember, the last thing in the world, worse than staying in foster care, would be if he were adopted and then it did not work out.  THAT would not only break his heart, but also his spirit, maybe even permanently.

Tread carefully here.

Maybe take all this love and energy and advocate for him!  At your church, or at a parenting support group, your PTO, or an adoptive parents group.

Always keep his true best interest at heart.

Good luck with all you have to deal with!

Answer 6

Think of the benifits of adopting an older child, no midnight feeds or nappy changing, no endless pacing of the floor trying to figure out what the problem is bcause babies dont talk. Of course there can be disadvantages too, the child has its own personality and likes and dislikes which you have to become accustomed too as you havent grown up together but there are things that you can learn and grow together to make it work if you want too. It has to be right for you and your husband, no one else can make the decision for you and if they have negative views, they should keep them to themselves. Being concerned for you though is a different thing.

Answer 7

The answer to your dilema, although not written by you, was given by you.  There are only three people you need to be concerned about how this will affect.  Your husband, the boy and you.  From just the way you talked, in my opinion, I think your plans for adoption would be a blessing for everyone.  Oh yeah!  do you want to know how you gave the answer?  Here goes....You mentioned about concerns regarding your family, you mentioned concerns regarding your husband, you mentioned about your concerns regarding the little boy...you never once mentioned how its going to affect you.  You stated about getting your education but you never said how it will affect you....hmm....typical good mom putting everyone else's concerns over hers!  This is going to work out.  Good luck.

Answer 8

I was an adult in a similar situation & adopted children similar to this boy.  It was a handful, my family was not a lot of help, and the situation was not perfect,  but the kids ended up FAR BETTER OFF than if they had continued going from foster home to foster home.

The decision is--it's a sacrifice for you & your husband, but it's great for the little boy.

Answer 9

I think it'd be great...my husband and I are currently finishing up some things we need to do to start "looking" for a child/children to adopt.  Let me put something out there that our "teachers" for our adoption classes told us on the first day...make sure your husband isn't relenting for you.  Make sure it is really something he does want to do...it can only make tings uncomfortable for you and your husband as well as the child if the child is not sure he is wanted by all parties.  If your husband really is agreeable to this then go for it!  We are looking for somewhat older children ourselves (age 6-12 which is statistically here the average age of a child in foster care).  Good luck!

Answer 10

you need to answer the idiot who posted the question 2 above yours about this, "not just a mom" is her screen name. Anyhow, good for you, and all the best!

Answer 11

I think that would be awesome not just for you but the little boy also, and your husband will grow to love him.  I'm sure that your husband maybe afraid of it because he doesn't want you to be alone with a child to raise.  Most states give you an allowance for the adopted child's medical cost also.  I would give this little boy a home.  Good Luck