I am totally taken by surprise..?

Question

I am the MOH for my sister's wedding on Saturday...along with 2 other bridesmaids. My sister sent us a detailed excel schedule of us setting up the church, busing tables, cleaning and breaking down the church. Is this the bridesmaids job to do this, or it it correct ettiquette for her to get helpers, instead?

Answer 1

i personally believe that there should be helpers there. she cant expect you to be able to do everything and still have a good time. i would ask her if there are going to be ppl there to help because you want to have a fun time and (not ruin the dress)..... i understand doing a few things to help things run smoother especially since she trust you but it shouldnt be your job to do everything  

Answer 2

I don't know if that really falls into traditional "duties", but I don't really care what is traditional. I think every bride should make their expectations known upfront when they ask someone to be a part of the wedding. If they want someone to show up and look pretty, great. If they want a personal assistant that will throw them parties, get all dolled up exactly the way they say, and then be their personal servant, that’s fine as long as the bridesmaid is ASKED to do these things and agrees to it early on. I do not think it is ever appropriate to assume someone will do you a favor, and no matter what you think a bridesmaid is supposed to do beyond showing up looking nice.

I think that is a lot to expect, and it was completely rude of her to spring it on you on such short notice. Usually people would be hired to help (especially busing tables!), or volunteers would be set up in advance. That is a lot of work on top of having to get dressed nicely without ruining it with all the physical work she is expecting.

I don't know what you can do about it now though. She is your sister, ad if you "ruin her day" by refusing or even by bringing it up she may never forgive you. Even if she is being ridiculous, in her head it is her day and nobody else’s and anyone who questions it is just trying to ruin her day.

You can either suck it up, talk to her about it, or flat out refuse. I would talk to her about it and either say you just won't be able to do it because you thought you were MOH to join in on the festivities, not to be free labor. Help with what you are willing to, but make sure you have time to do everything she expects. How are you supposed to get ready, set up the church, take pictures, break down the church, and bus tables? She may not realize how time consuming that will be, I would be concerned about having time to pee! I would at least make sure this is physically possible. Even if you think you can do it you need to talk it over with her ASAP while there is still time to fix it! You don't have much time and the more you wait the greater the chance you will be accused of sabotaging her day!

ADD: I am sure there would be plenty of people that would have been willing to help for free, but chances are they would be pretty insulted to be doing grunt work at such short notice. Good luck finding anyone willing to do it, and if you do they should be getting heartfult thank yours from the bride and at least a small token of her gratitude.

Answer 3

That is NOT the job of the bridesmaids especially when not asked to help.  Being told that you have to do all this is ridiculous, and I would so voice my opinion on that!

Answer 4

Yeah, you should be helping the bride with things like setting up, but it is really not appropriate for you guys to bus the tables and clean everything up. She needs to recruit someone else to do these jobs.  

Answer 5

Yes it is the bridesmaids job to help the bride in any way possible.

Answer 6

Remind her that you are the maid of honor, not the housemaid. While it is appropriate for you to help set up the church and ensure that flowers, etc, are in the proper places, you should not be busing tables or cleaning up after the reception. Let her know - nicely - that her expectations are unreasonable, and offer to call her vendors to find out about hiring a few staff people to serve, clean up tables, and break down the reception area.

Answer 7

Your jobs are to support her.  Go with her if she chooses to help her try on dresses, be there to assist in picking out your dresses.  Do jobs like helping order flowers, and being sure that the favors are made...little things that pertain to the ceremony itself.  Then the day of the wedding you are to help her get dressed, stay calm and get her ready to head down the isle.  After the ceremony, you make your speach if it is chosen to do so. And that is it. You are not physical labor help!  Setting up tables/chairs and taking them down is a mans job preferrably! And it is not your job to clean...that would be the caterers job.  Now....if there are little jobs you don't mind helping with that would be one thing...but once you walk down that isle and give your speach  you are done!  And being her attendant before the wedding is your sole job before hand.

Answer 8

she needs to hire helpers or at least assign someone else to do this. You got taken for a ride. This is not a bridesmaid job!

Your job is to get dressed really pretty and be by the bride's side.

Answer 9

well its her wedding :/

although i think its quite improper to make you and the the bridemaids to do that, in some weird way i think maybe you should help coordinate? :/

im not sure.

talk to your sister.

and ask if maybe YOU could get helpers.

because maybe she cant. ya know?

Answer 10

She is going a little overboard with the help that bridesmaids traditionally offer.  Sure, you help decorate the hall, and might even offer to clean up and help get rentals back the next day.  But BUSING TABLES cleaning the church?  That is not a bridesmaids "free help" that is something you hire someone for.  She is just being cheap by not hiring enough appropriate staff.  How are you supposed to bus tables in your fancy dress and heels while you are supposed to be sitting at the head table all night.

She's going a bit overboard with her requests.

Answer 11

No that is not your job and your sister should be paying for that service and not using any of you for that c**p.

Answer 12

Well, it is your job to help the bride - but I think that she is taking advantage of you a little. I think it would have been nice if she would have discussed this with all of you beforehand rather than just sending you spreadsheets and it would have been nice if she would have hired or at least asked a few other people to pitch in. What do the other bridesmaids think about this?

I think it is reasonable to ask you guys to help out some - but I don't think it's your job to set up and tear down the entire wedding. My friend asked friends that were not in her bridal party to help set up the church and reception...but she asked several people and gave them little jobs so no one felt overwhelmed...and of course she made sure she got a small gift for all of them.  But she asked her friends to help with things like decorations, etc. - she actually hired people to take care of things like busing tables.

I personally feel like it isn't right to ask that of your bridal party - but that's just me...

Answer 13

i dont think it's ur job

plz help me: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

Answer 14

i think shes taking advantage.

Answer 15

You won't have time to do all that. She needs to get people who will help get things set up. This is NOT the MOH's job.  

Answer 16

No, I would be insulted.  What is with people?  

Answer 17

What kind of PIG are you HELP your sister... You are the helpers....

Answer 18

Unfortunately it is. If your feeling overwhelmed though you should talk to her and tell her that you are going to need more help. She could ask other family member and friends who are attended to help or you could recruit people to help out. Theres no strict guidelines for weddings anymore but bridesmaids and the MOH have to do so much still. Dont be afraid to enlist people to help out because if there are only three of you its going to be hard on all of you to get everything done well in a timely manner.  

Answer 19

I've hear of brides ask bridesmaids to help out on odd things but for her to ask you to bus tables... thats just rude. You're not serving at the wedding. Thats just rude for her to think that you are to bus tables and clean the church... She should have hired someone to do that.  

Answer 20

That's not your job. Personally I'd probably just find other people who would be willing to do that stuff, show up Saturday, and when she freaks out and says, "Why aren't you doing you JOBS?" tell her, "We are - we're here with you." Because THAT is what you are supposed to do. Then let her know everything else is being taken care of.

If it's not possible to find people to do it, locate people she can hire and give her the list. She should pay for that.

Answer 21

She's taking advantage of you.

Answer 22

It's not one of your jobs unless you volunteer...wow.

Answer 23

Why would she expect you to do this?  For one, you are her SISTER and MOH, not her MAID!  She should hire people to help serve and more people (if needed) to break down the tables and chairs after the event.

She should have budgeted a little better to make sure all her guests needs are taken care of and that they are all comfortable!

Answer 24

Expecting anyone to bus tables in a bridesmaid's dress is a little out of hand.  Your job is to assist the bride, sure.  But other family members or friends should be put in charge of breaking things down and clearing off tables.  Setting up the church the day before in plain clothes is fine, but once that bridesmaid dress is on, the heavy labor should be off.  You all should look your best for pictures (ones she'll want for years to come) and the grand march, etc. involved in the reception, and my advice to you is to gently remind her of that.  Chances are good that she has people who would love to help, and all she has to do is ask.

Answer 25

As a bridesmaid, yes, you are required to make sure the church is properly set up.  You do not necessarily have to do all the labor yourself, but you should arrange for someone to do it.  For example, the florist should deliver the flowers and arrange them at the church; the church staff is in charge of sweeping up after the wedding and putting away chairs.  But you are in charge of managing all personal items for the bride and bridal party, like the guest register, gifts, clothing, etc.  

You should talk with the bride about her vendors, and clarify exactly what they are and aren't doing.  You should also remind her that you want to be available to help her (dressing her, calming her, running errands for her), and that vendors can be delegated to handle these tasks and bridesmaids can be delegated to supervise them.

Answer 26

Maybe helping w/church~but tell her to hire a

clean up crew for reception!

Answer 27

You    buy    a   cake