I am trying to be supportive, but he is beginning to annoy me when he is always saying how "broke" he is?

Question

After two years of blissful romance, my navy bf proposed to me during the Labor Day weekend & everything went well.

Now i guess I'm getting a taste of the real him, because ever since the proposal, he's been complaining that he is broke, and how much his account is in the negative. Don't get me wrong, he is NOT asking for me to bail him out what-so-ever, for he spends money on us all the time.

Could this be a sign for help? when we talked about the future, he said that I should manage the money in the marriage because I'm the more organized one. It's that when he complains about him being broke all the time, it annoys me and I feel like "jumping out the window" (figuratively speaking). The last time I heard him complaining I walked out the room and slam the door!

How can I find ways of dealing with his $$$ nagging behavior until we actually merge our finances and I manage the money? He has sooooo many wonderful qualities besides the money issue

Answer 1

First, you need to help him manage his own money. You say he spends lots of money on you both. Dont let him do this. There are other things that Im sure have priority. Mayb this is his way of telling you that.  

Answer 2

Tell him you want to sit down together and look over his finances since he wants you to handle them when you are married and start figuring out what can be done about them to get him out of "debt" so much.

Also, start telling him not to spend so much money on you. start finding cheap, inexpensive things to do.

btw, labor day was 2 days ago, so he has been complaining for two days. maybe he overspent over the weekend. Just start taking care of the finances and start stocking away money for the wedding. i think if the two of you work together on it, this will be a temporary issue. Stick to your budgets when you work it out.

Answer 3

You need to give us a little more on why he is complaining about money, there are so many possilbe reasons with so many different solutions.

Answer 4

RED FLAG ALERT!

I am telling you this now, most divorces are over MONEY!

You better think this through real well, because HE WILL NOT CHANGE!

Answer 5

Tell him it's not your fault he cannot save and manage his money and if he's trying to run you off, he's doing one h**l of a good job at it.  

Answer 6

before you combine finances with him you need to resolve this. You need to find out why he's broke all the time. If he's spending money he doesn't have now, what makes you think he won't be spending all that and more once you get married? Money is one of the biggest causes of divorce so you need to get that issue resolved before saying I do. He needs to be on a budget and fast!

Answer 7

Big red flag....maybe PTSD, depression, etc. Have him get pro help beofre you consider marriage...plus he needs psych tests.

Answer 8

Sounds pretty good to me. You manage it so he can't spend all you have and he's cool with it. Marriage is never 50/50. It's your strengths matched with their weaknesses and vice versa that help everything get accomplished. If you're strong with finances and he's not, then problem solved. You're ahead of the game. Until then don't worry about it unless he starts asking you for dough.

Answer 9

Dating is expensive. My boyfriend and I are experiencing this. You need to find things to do that are less expensive and maybe come up with a game plan. Take turns paying for dinner or limit your outings. Also, if he has money management issues he can maybe look into taking a class or some sort of money management seminar to help. He needs to make a conscious effort to do something about it because if you marry it effects you both.  

Answer 10

Some people are just not good with money. Atleast he is admitting it and not waiting and keeping his finances secret until you get married and then find out how horrible he is with money.

I suggest he starts taking some responsibility of his finances now. Help him if you can by showing what works and what doesn't. Ask him if he wants you to help him learn?

It is fine if you do the bills once you are married, but you need to make sure he is not one of those that just spend money willy nilly because that is a nasty habit to break and can cause a real strain on your relationship.